The color of the world is changing…..

What a cozy home I have! Last night I worked out, specifically my legs, and zipped off to my lovely home. It was so inviting. I showered off and climbed into my penguins. They were soft and fuzzy. I made myself a Boar’s Head smoked turkey and baby Swiss sandwich and settled into a movie. I had a phone appointment with my spiritual advisor at seven so she and I spoke for somewhere around an hour. I always love the feeling I get after working with her. It makes me feel like I am sprouting spiritual roots. Then I watched yet another weird movie, but it was not by the “Focus” company. It was called Shattered Glass. It was the story of Steven Glass. Apparently the New Republic was a high profile journalistic magazine that he wrote for and lied about every article he ever wrote. Can you imagine? Every story he fabricated the sources, the facts, everything! It was a pretty descent movie. It was half about him and half about the editor that fired him. There was a 60 minutes interview in the special features and the comment made by the real editor’s comment was “If Steven Glass and I walked outside together on a sunny day and he said, ‘It’s a sunny day out today.’ I would walk back inside and ask two people to verify it.” Can you imagine? After the movie and the special feature, I cozied into my warm bed to read my Bible and read Cold Mountain. It is interesting because the author is unbelievably well written for the era. I don’t know if he lived during that time or what, but it is really detailed in its descriptions and its phrasing. The other interesting thing is that it mentions the music. One of the plot lines carries with Aida walking around with the hymn of the Wayfaring Stranger in her head. It is such a great book. It is hard to pick up because I don’t want to put it down once I pick it up. So I didn’t knock out until almost eleven. I am not all that tired, but I am sure it will hit me early tonight. I will get whiny. I am still grateful for the paint again today. Can you tell?

Renew your youth, Renew your soul…….

I had no idea that painting an apartment could be so fulfilling. That is what I did on Sunday. I woke up, said my prayers, freshened up, went to brunch with the boys and painted all day. It is a wonder that I haven’t finished painting my apartment before now. I still am not finished and while this feasibly could have been a simple two week project or less, it has turned into about a year long event. My house looks so much better. There are no weird marks that make no sense on the walls or nesting marks from a former tenant. Or worse: smashed bug bits. It made me feel so good that I super cleaned the place. Spick and Span the place is. In process of super cleaning, I am also acquiring quite a pile for good will. I will soon be making a trip with a truck if I am not careful! It was all so nice this weekend that I opened up wide all of my windows and doors. I couldn’t figure out why it was so cold inside and it was due to me not inviting the sun in my home for warmth. My house is cozy today. There is something to being able to hear and smell the outdoors. It makes me feel good. This morning there was rain that chatted with the plants and was so comforting while I was just rising to meet the day. While yesterday I did not get such an opportunity to spend much time in it, it was nice to come home after a super long day of work and obligations to a clean home which loved me. Last night I was asked to tell my story. Tell my story; this is the second time in about two months that I have done this. While the first time I told it in the same style as everyone else (start from the beginning and go), I started with July 10, 2000 this time. I am supposed to tell what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. It was plain, drab, a little banged up and with out color, then inspiration (HP) hit without warning or guidance and now I have a yellow apartment with green plants. It is a metaphor for my life in both physical and spiritual meanings. My life used to be battered and beaten by my own will. Where I used to live in Atlanta was really not my home, it was more a place to stay. I was empty and void without hope. Then things changed rapidly and I was swept into these mountains. My apartment is my home, today. It is a place where I get to be me with more hope than I know what to do with in my life. Today, I can’t wait to go to the gym so that I can head home, make dinner, watch a little TV, call my spiritual advisor, prepare for tomorrow, read more of my books, say my prayers and go to bed. And to think, all I needed was a fresh coat of paint!

One thing is for sure, if you are empty, you’ll get bit……


So I saw a great production last night. I went with the woman who owns the flower shop and her friends. I felt privileged to belong to the group of women. Each woman was well educated, well spoken, had her own quirkiness about her, self confidence, self esteem, beauty and wisdom. I felt like……I felt like I was out with a set of Agnes Scott Women. When I was in college I didn’t do the museums or art show, any plays or productions. I even worked in the special events department and didn’t really take advantage of the…..system, so to speak. I was more into drinkin’, smokin’ and midnight tokin’. I sent for my transcripts to review for a professor to find out what course I should plot for my masters. I don’t have the slightest clue how I graduated. Now that I am more settled, I am ready for all those things. I desire the Fox and the theatre productions in black boxes and exactly like last night. I was out with six other women. Each was thoroughly interesting. The woman that I spent most of my time talking with was Lori. She was a woman from Miami. She had a stout stature, well kept, short hair that was stylish yet conservative, conservative in dress and accessory, great style and class, she had poise and tact (which I have none of), she and I spoke almost all night about all the weird things on NPR and how sad it is that Bob Edwards was leaving Morning Edition and how Tavis Smiley sounds like he is from Atlanta but is really out of California somewhere. It was such a wonderful evening: the theatre, educated women, flowers, who could ask for more?

The production was called “Talking With….” It was a series of monologues that contained different perspectives of American women. There were eleven women overall. The two I enjoyed the most were “the audition” which was portrayed by a friend, where she got to be an insane auditioned actress. Then there was the older woman with “the lamps”. She wasn’t old, old, but she was older and beautiful silver hair. It was a great expression of women. It was interesting to see all the women and what they had to say. They expressed their lives with their hopes and dreams, changes and tragedies. There was no plot or anything, just stories. The play was comparable to the musical “Quilters” with out music, although it contrasted by being about random women as opposed to only prairie women at the turn of the century. I guess, probably another one of my favorites was “the handler,” which was an Ozark type woman who handled snakes, in the end she pulled a live snake out of the box. I almost ran out the door. Her monologue was good though. I was glad to realize that it was not a real moccasin (as her monologue said) but that it was only a live snake. Live still wasn’t really comfortable though. She was probably the best next to crazy woman auditioned and the lamps. What was strange was that they all came out after it was over; they were not all that far off from the actual characters. Strange. But appropriate.

To a place where the wind calls your name
Under the trees the river laughing at you and me
Hallelujah, heavens white rose
The doors you open
I just can't close

I am in the eye of the storm or so it seems. I have really been working towards having a peaceful easy feeling on my insides. I have done some key things to settle my life in order to make it that way. Things like: paying my bills, having a steady monogamous relationship, talking to God on a daily basis, investing in the law of contradictory behavior (I want to do one thing, so I do the opposite), saying I am sorry when I am wrong and changing my behavior, being honest within my relationships, spending time with my friends but not so much that it hinders me being me (i.e. staying out to late, eating, smoking, drinking, etc.) and in a nut shell, taking care of myself. This is not something that is easily done considering that I suffer from isms such as low self-esteem, bad self image, disillusionment, negative thinking and many other things. My world has become simple but valuable and is slowly but surely blossoming. There is definitely going to be maintenance that needs to be done in the next month or so, however, that is not hard nor is it impending on my current state of serenity.

The reason I say I am in the eye is because the folks around me appear to be mentally consternated: by this I mean, facing tough choices or feeling change occurring as a result of a choice. They are the storm, a whirlwind. I wish I could stop their storms, but that would require me getting out in the middle of things. I like my nice comfortable serene seat. I am not willing to give it up to be a part of crisis or metamorphosis. I am so glad that things in my life are settled. Although, inevitably my time will come and I too will face a choice or make a choice that sends me through the eye back into the storm.

Enough with my metaphors.

Yesterday my girlfriend Angie came home from California. Thank goodness, I was about to go into sweet tea withdrawals. She is one of the best sweet tea makers ever. She has puppies right now to attend to and I am looking forward to going to visit this afternoon. Yesterday was such a blazay day and today is packed. Nothing interesting happened at all; although, Clark was pretty interesting, but other than that. I am also going to a play of some sort tonight. My other girlfriend who owns the flower shop has invited me to see a slew of one acts at Piedmont College. We have a mutual acquaintance who is performing in them so we are off to watch. It will be interesting to see how I end up with going to the gym, going to see the puppies, going to visit with Angie and getting to the play on time. At least they are all in the same county. It drives me nuts when my day is full of White county to Habersham county and back again. I guess if it were just on the line it wouldn’t be so bad, but nothing is on the line, everything takes twenty minutes and zip is not an option. Luckily, this will pan out. We shall see.

I was really grateful yesterday too for an easy workout. Not that the workout was working out, just that it finally felt good instead of exasperated. I think that my body is recovering from my 3 day loop that I didn’t work out. In my magazine that I purchased it gave me a slew of new exercise to do. It said to chart them and do them for four weeks at three times a week with a healthy diet (which there was a whole page of yummy food that I can eat that is on the healthy diet page!) and cardio. We shall see if this works. I am willing. I still haven’t even cracked open the Dr. Phil book, but I might this weekend. I have been reading about how to decorate the tabernacle that shall be carried with the ark and Cold Mountain for the past couple of weeks and am finding it hard to insert Dr. Phil in my fantasy world reading. His book seems………..realistic. While I like being a realist, I really like being an idealist better. Ho Hum, my problems are so high class today.

haha they did Traffic and Wonderland too!! guess who found the website?

And I could see clearly/an indelible line was drawn/between what was good/what just slipped out……

So I rented some movies last night. I have found a new picture company that I really like and am desperate to get my hands on every film they produce. Most of their pictures stretch the imagination a bit and push the boundaries of a “normal” big film. The most interesting is that they have the money to get the big names. The ones I have already seen are: Sylvia, Lost In Translation, Gosford Park, The Pianist and The Kid Stays In the Picture!. The one I am in the midst of right now is 21 Grams and looking forward to the one with Jim Carey and Kate Winslet: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and then Reese Witherspoon is doing one as well, but I can’t remember the name of it. Each movie has photographic artistic expression, mixed media and intense acting that most of the time we only see on the stage as opposed to film. These films really allow the actors to use their talents as opposed to just do their job. I am really impressed with all the films they have produced. Did I mention the name of the company? Focus Features. I think it is backed by Universal, but it is not the status quo type Universal Film pictures. These are really good pieces. Each movie has a plot line, character development, emotional intrigue, artistic direction, editing, and cinematography. It’s as if someone is using their brain to make a movie. I love it!

I actually watched two movies last night: Gothika and 2/3rds of 21 Grams (does that make it 18 Grams?). Gothika was definitely a decent scary movie. It had all the elements of a scary film needed to make the 110 film: asylum, shaky electric system, undiscovered murders, crazy people, ghosts, shrinks, barn with scary utensils in it, a good screaming actress, a plot that led you to believe that one person did it and takes a twist., the girl running the wrong direction, the scary music, chase scenes, an obsessive male, the whole ball of wax! It even kept your attention for the whole 110 minutes. Will I ever rent it again? No, I know the ending. Will I forget the ending and rent it again like Usual Suspects or The Sting? No, I will never forget and rent it for good acting or cinematography or anything else. It did have a new (well at least to me) place to hide, which I thought was pretty genius. I will rent 21 Grams again. It is set up so that the plot is a simple conjoined with detailed intrigued. The picture is set in a misconstrued time line so as to make the audience pay attention to the movie. It requires thought in order to follow. It deals with emotions that are tough to grab onto that are conveyed by excellent actors: Sean Penn (Mystic River, iamsam, and everything else), Benecio Del Torres (Traffic) and Naomi Watts (the Ring, Les Divorce). Through out the plot it throws out controversial ideals that create coffee house conversation. The director has managed to capture exceptional view points, placed them at angles with lighting and film texture that conveys an array of spectacles for the eyes, ears, mind and heart. The picture builds with intensity as the time line becomes more and more straight and the pieces fall into place yet with still unanswered questions that lead to more focused attraction. And writing about it only makes me want to see the last 7 Grams of it!

These films that Focus Features are producing are just good movies. No question. They are not, however, the mainstream by any stretch of the imagination which is why they are as good as they are, or at least that is my two bits.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

Ugh…I have split my first finger right across the fingerprint. It hurts so bad and is so fussy about typing. We are a medical facility with the worst band-aids ever. None of them cover the cut well enough.

I forgot to write yesterday. My weekend update was severely interrupted by a secret report here at work, which I finished yesterday. I found 902 babies. Some of them were way lost. It took me all day Thursday, Friday and yesterday to find them, but I found them all. Two of them were no where in the computer, I just happened to have a piece of paper about them on my desk. Those two were really lost.

Saturday I got really motivated and pulled out the paint to paint my kitchen with and did two more walls. I will have to put on a second coat, but I am more motivated than ever to finish the project. I have been working on myself emotionally and mentally here lately and one of my focuses is to stay out of other people’s business, which I am totally not good at in any shape or fashion. I am a blog-a-holic, which should say something. But, since I am TRYING to focus on self, I got the kitchen half done. Amazing how much time I have now that I am paying more attention to me. I super cleaned my apartment too while I was in the crazy motivated mode. It has a smell that is a cross between paint and ammonia. Unfortunately the weather dropped out from underneath me though and I couldn’t open my windows to air the place out. I had to go to John’s because it was so fumy. It wasn’t that bad last night. I am glad because this morning it was 20 degrees out when I got in the shower!

I also watched two movies: Sylvia and School of Rock. Sylvia was by the folks who did Lost In Translation and Gosford Park. It was a weird perspective of Sylvia Path’s life. I didn’t know much about her prior to the movie, other than that she is a poet. As it turns out she was a poet. She killed herself with a gas oven. It was a tragedy and I was totally not prepared for that. It had some amazing shots and phenomenal acting on behalf of Ms. Paltrow. They really set her loose in this one. I was glad that I had School of Rock to watch otherwise. My co-worker noticed that I didn’t do comedies much so I am trying to broaden my scope in cinema to some of the comedy of today. I saw Dickie Roberts and now I have seen School of Rock. Dickie Roberts was hysterical, although not for children and School of Rock was quite the little kid’s picture. I was surprised at Jack Black for doing such a sweet film. He is such a crazy person who tends to be on the vulgar side. One of the children said in an interview in the special features that she thought he was really nervous and uncomfortable being himself because she thought that he had been in some adult films that she wasn’t aloud to see so he was not used to “us kids.” (I love little kids interviews.) Guess he realized he was a little on the vulgar side. I am glad he behaved in front of the children. The film was good. Pretty common place with not a whole thought going into it which tends to make funny things become funnier as they go. Another interesting point that I found out after the fact was the kids could all really play the instruments and Jack Black had to take lessons on site to figure things out. The pianist was featured on NPR for being one of the best in the country….”from the top” I think is the name of the show, something like that anyways.

I will never miss another day at the gym again. I missed three days (Fri, Sat and Sun) and yesterday I felt like a dragon: slow, fiery, and exerting way too much energy. When I finished the elliptical machine, I had to sit down until I could catch my heart rate back. I hate it when I do that. I felt so bad that I went and bought a fitness magazine and Dr. Phil’s new eating book (I am a sucker, I know). The woman on the show said a key phrase that means a lot to me and I figure it was a sign: it’s all in the book. I have not asked for hardly any help on this whole gym deal, except once and the advice almost killed me. Sarah said that if I was going to do something like that again, I needed to eat. What I heard her say was Screw Atkins! And I liked that better. Hopefully, this will work now that I have an instruction guide. It is not so much that I want to lose the weight as I do the inches. I know that I am healthier than about 80% of America, but I want more. Carter used to say that it is good to want things, it builds character. I would proceed to whack him with whatever I had in my hand. I guess, I thought he was smarting off to me. He probably was, but I shouldn’t have whacked him, although I had a tendency to whack him a lot when were growing up. Little brothers just make you want to whack something though, doesn’t make it right. It turns out though after all these years, he’s right. When I want things, I end up having an experience of some sort and have to make decisions as to what is right or wrong for me which builds character. So now I guess I will read the book, follow the instructions and give updates as to whether it works or not.

Wow, I had a lot to say and now I am all out of things to say.

There is no rose of sych vertu as is the rose that bare Jesu, Alleluia.

I watched Mona Lisa Smile last night. The song that opened up the academic year for the women of Wellesley was one of Dad’s girls’ songs. It blew me away. I am glad that I rented the movie. I am also glad that I didn’t go see it in the theatre. The school itself looked like ASC, except colder. I also figured out why they had to build closets in Inman, my senior dorm. I didn’t understand why there were no closets when they built the building until I saw the movie. They all had armoires. Who would have guessed? Not me. I really liked the dvd, but mostly I liked it for the fact that there were interviews with all of the actresses, even Julia Roberts. It was interesting to hear them speak. It was very apparent that Julia Stiles was the most intelligent of them all. Julia Roberts ran a close second. Then Maggie Gyllenhall (sp). The reason I enjoyed Stiles the most is her ability to express herself well and with an education without using the words “like” or “um”. Roberts used um. Kirsten Dunst couldn’t get through a sentence (and mostly had incomplete sentences) without using those words. Roberts did so a couple of times. I don’t know that I have ever seen an interview with Roberts before, however, I was impressed with her character of self. She was what I would hope her to be but not expected to be.

Woa…Medicaid just ran out of money….bad news: 40% of our business just came to a screeching halt. That really takes the punch out of my movie critique. I am about to have to start calling patients to say: we’re sorry, we can’t bring you the medicine that you need to live. Not good.

Leave we all this wearldly mirth,
And follow we this joyful birth,
Transeamus (Transform)


I was reading Moses last night (yes I am still with Moses). While I am reading I realize that God created commandments that only he could judge us as to whether we were actually following them or not. It is also a point in the West Wing. How would we know if someone was coveting another’s wife or property or honoring our fathers and mothers? We, as humans, couldn’t. I guess that is why they are God’s commandments, is because He is the one who gets to see if we actually follow them or not. I think I am in a state of transformation. The more and more that I am reading in the Bible, the more and more I become strong in my faith. There are so many different things than what my mind thought was in there. I guess other people get the correct notions of the stories in Sunday School, but I think I missed something. Or maybe it is just that I was a super teen and just knew that when I was older I’d get it. I think I missed something. Things like, I thought that God was a bad person so to speak, but mostly He is more just like me. The first commandment is based on only worshiping Him and no other. He says no water gods, no heaven gods, no earth gods, only worship Him, because he is a jealous God. I always wondered where I got my jealousy from. I get jealous of everything. If my Mom pays too much attention to Carter or Dad, I get jealous. If Dad pays too much attention to his girls, I get jealous. If my girlfriends pay too much attention to each other and not to me, I get jealous. If Fluffy would go to Carter instead of me…..How stupid is that? I don’t know anyone who fights that “demon” like I do that I am related to in my family, but I have sure got the jealous going on and have been consistently, diligently fighting this trait. It is not nearly as bad as when I was a little wee thing, but I know that rears its ugly head on occasion. I am glad that I got the trait from God. If your going to get something, that is a good place to get it. Really, all I do when it gets pressuring is that I pray to God to remove it. If it gets super bad, I talk to someone about it, which helps to ease the nerves. I think that God had a hard time with the jealousy thing too. I guess I will find out the more I read.

Children go where I send thee……

How great is Agnes Scott? I can’t believe that I graduated from there. I am the guy who graduated last in its medical school, which means ya still have to call me doctor. Receiving my Main Events Alumni Newspaper in my PO Box along with my card from my little brother (thanks Carter), which I opened first, I opened my paper this morn to find that one of the columns, not the headline, but a column albeit on the front page was about one of the return to college women. I used to run around with several RTC’s at Scott and was really grateful for the program. It is a program designed for women to come back to college after there has been a significant break in their college careers. In this woman’s case, she has had a 21 year break and is 42 years of age with two school age kids and they have recruited her for the college cross country team. Now, ASC is not on a level to be able to give money to athletes. It is strictly an academic private institution that runs head to head with the big dogs on endowment, but never has it been an athletic promoting institution. So this woman gets out there to run a 6k for her first race as a Scottie. She failed to mention to the coach that the reason she dropped out of school twenty years ago was to train for the 1984 Olympics. The coach says they have a hard time reeling her in so she won’t go so fast. She broke her ankle in the Olympic trial and was unable to compete so she switched to cycling which she missed the Olympic team by seconds for in that sport. Imagine that. He time on the 6k, for Graybeal’s sake, was 22 minutes and 18 seconds. Wanna ‘nother competitor for your race? Call ASC, we have an Olympian available.

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Some days I wonder if I actually participate. I mean, I am conscience of what’s happening I just do not know where it went. Yesterday, I went to work. I went to the gym. I called a couple of girlfriends; talked to Mom a bit; took bath-I love bubble baths and cannot wait till I have a giaganto Jacuzzi like Mom and Dad; went to meet with friends and talk about God; went to John’s, read my Bible and finished a chapter of Cold Mountain; drank hot tea, said my prayers and went to bed. I specifically took that bath to try and slow my day down, but it just didn’t happen. My life is full and yet I am constantly thinking of new things to put into it. For example, I really want to be in a church choir or perhaps the Sautee Choral, but I don’t know if I have the time or not, plus the conductor has changed to someone I don’t know. I would like to go back to playing bridge, but that has been replaced due to the night it meets. This year’s musical is Little Shop of Horrors, bleck, same director and choreographer as last year, double bleck. I have got to find something to preoccupy me for the summer or I will go nutso. I can’t go through summer and miss it. Missing summer? That would not be good. Maybe this year I will do something outside, maybe with crafts or at least some sun that would make summer fun. Hopefully, today will be a chilled day. I know that there was some chilly-ness due to the weather and is turning muggy and hot. Ho…….children go where I send thee, how shall I send thee? I need music in my summer too. Maybe this will shake me out of my busy-ness and into the presence of my life.

“I prayed for wisdom and I didn’t get it. It kind of pissed me off…” said the President
“He sent you a Rabbi, a Priest and a Quaker, what more can you ask for?” asked the Priest, “Ned, would you like to confess your sins?”
“Yes, yes I would.” Responded the President

Weekend was good:

So I have found the world of the West Wing. While I don’t have TV, my parents bought a whole TV series on DVD. What a great thing DVD’s are. On Saturday I watched a whole DVD full of West Wing. I know that I have seen clips of it and it seemed like a descent show. Now I know what all the fuss is about! It is a tremendous drama. It addresses issues that are real and difficult and hopefully portrays what goes on in the White House. Anyway, I really like it. The two I liked the best were on Leo being a recovering drunk and Mr. President with the capital punishment. The President just knows everything. He is wicked smart.

I also went walking with Dad on Saturday and ran across a moving sale which Carter was leaving from that was an awesome thing. I got a Christmas tree and décor for $15!! I also got several items for the homestead. The woman said OH! You have your own place with out much stuff, well here, take all my home stuff. I think she thought it was my first rodeo. Dad got a couch for the new chorus room and Mom got new sheets for the queen bed which anywhere else price at $50, but at garage sales they are $3! Carter found a book which talks about super great Uncle Farrish. Apparently, the book isn’t in print and is very ta-do in the world of Mom’s side of the family. Carter’s eyes were all twinkled and his belly was all tickled over it. Basically it says that Uncle Farrish was the richest man ever. Like you couldn’t tell from the plantation?

So now I have all kinds of things and I think that over the course of the next week I am going to have to begin the sorting in order that I can be clean in my small place. I don’t have any storage so making storage makes for great creative juices to flow, which takes energy. Going to the gym helps with that though. The garage sale was great fun. It was like my family struck oil. I remember when Avondale used to do the flea market at the C&S Bank during the fall. It was because Avondale doesn’t allow garage sales and used to not allow signs in the yard. We had a parking space full of our stuff and this little woman came along and bought a whole bunch of my old dolls and I asked Mom why she would want my dolls. She simply replied “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” She bought my little black headed doll with the yellow dress. That was the first time I’d heard that phrase. It made me feel better about the dolls being sold.

Saturday was so relaxing. There were no real demands or requirements. I did take my Saturn in to find out why the service engine light was beaming bright orange. It came on not long after Christina’s came on and I took for granted that it was due to the cold weather, but now that we are in the season of the confused, we have a few warm days and the light didn’t knock off. When I took it to be diagnosed, the diagnosis was that,” Well ma’am, I know this seems a little strange, but it seems that an animal has eaten through one of your wires, specifically the AIT wire.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that is not at all unusual, that I live in the woods with wild deer, pigs, bears and not surprisingly—squirrels. My girlfriend went camping for a week and left her truck at her place to come home and find it infested with a squirrel family. Had to throw out the engine and start over. I am glad that the squirrels only ate the wire for lunch as opposed to my whole engine.

How much do I love my two new CD’s? Mom and Dad got me the new Norah Jones in Nashville and Dad made me a hand picked recording of the girls. I don’t know who is better, Norah or the girls. I love new music. I gave a copy of Dad’s girls to my super duper boss (he owns the company). He put the CD on repeat and hasn’t turned it off yet. I’m going to say (just off the cuff with out asking) that he likes it.
Thank goodness I’m home. I am glad to be home. Real glad. It was good to be meeting with friends to talk about God in Clarkesville last night. It’s like my mountain family. Although, they are not as cool as my real family, but they run a close second. I am grateful I have both of them.

There are Giants in the sky!
There are big tall terrible Giants
in the sky!

When you're way up high
And you look below
At the world you left
And the things you know,
Little more than a glance
Is enough to show
You just how small you are.

Sometimes this is the way I feel when I come back to Atlanta after living in North Georgia for so long. It's like I come into my parents subdivision and from the exit ramp off of 85 to their driveway, I have already passed more people than I see in an entire day at home. This is rather strange being so overwhelmed. I feel like I have left this big world of Atlanta, to be in my mountains. When I came around the the curve into the city and the sky line was on top of me, I had two reactions: 1) I want to move back here and 2) holy cow this is a big city, the skyscrapers are giants. I feel small and non-existant, yet young and empowered. I am excited by the really cool billboards that change every three seconds and have beautiful advertising that initiates my "spending money I don't have" button. This is a bad button to push. My senses find the Varisty sign a true catalyst for emotions of nostalgia. They are emotions of who I thought I was (this is called delusion) when I lived here on my own. I really wanted to be that person, and today I am more that person than ever, but I don't live in Atlanta. As I drew closer to the house of my parents, things set in that I forget about that are little luxuries. For example, I leave my keys in my car so I won't lose them. I lose my keys all the time. This is a great improvement considering that when I used to drink I wouldn't lose my keys, but I would lose my car. That makes things a lot more difficult. The other thing I noticed last night was that I could hear the neighbors pull into their driveway at midnight last night and when I sit still in the house, I can hear the street noise. There is not a street per se where I am. There is a gravel drive. The most noise I get is when the guys get drunk, five acres away, and shoot the wild pigs that have been tearing through the woods off the back side of Tray Mountain. I do like the sound of the creek when I am trying to sleep in the summer and all my windows are open. (I don't have airconditioning, strangley, I don't need it either.) The city is really amazing in all it's aspects and I look forward to roaming about with my family today to do daily or rather weekendly type errands, but it is pretty overwhelming.

Leave the light the on
I'll never give up on you....

So I gave away some paintings today. That was really...different. I am not sure what to think. I mean, I did the paintings for me even though I gave them to somebody else, strangely enough. I chose the colors based on some given parameters as well as the basis for the picture. I should start this over. I gave out little Valentines for Valentine's Day that were fancy little painted tidbits. My super boss asked me if I would paint her a picture since I was a painter. Now, I told her that I am not a real painter and that what I paint is not anything but me and that it was just something that I do. Not many people know that I paint in the first place. I found that painting my own decor is cheaper than actually buying things to hang on the wall. Not to mention, it gives some meaning to the wall decor. I am all about sentiment. It gets me in trouble because I get so attached to things that are just so material. Anyway...she asked me a month ago. I didn't finish until this week. I am still not comfortable with it and feel like it is a bit unfinished but, she asked for something girly for her bathroom, which the colors of were white and beige, so I had plenty to play with in the painting. Then, when I got stuck watching paint dry, I began another. It turned out to be distinctly wierd. I really like it though. I like the second one better than I do the big one. The second one was also a lot smaller, about one quarter the size of the potty pic. It just had more pizazz. I gave it to my girlfriend who is my super boss's admin. She was tickled. So was I. The potty pic though seems left hanging, so to speak. My g'friend seems to love it. My hesistancy would be put to rest, I think, if my superboss would reassure me that it is what she wanted. Ack...who would ever guess that I would be a painter? Who would guess that anyone would want the paintings I paint? Like I said the paintings are mostly just an extension of self not really about anything other than me. I am so nerve racked. I am glad that I am going home this weekend. Peace and quiet.

Lost it on the chesterfield

Or Maybe on a gamblin wheel

Lost it in a diamond mine

It's dark as hell and hard to find



Guess who learned how to speak HTML? Yes, yes, that would obviously be me, because I am the one asking the question (as it always happens that way). I am so excited!! Thanks to little brother helping me out and some uncovering, discovering and discarding on the internet, I am learning a new language, which adds to my value as an employee here in my new found, been here for five months, job! Now, five months is nothing in the way of employment for most folk, however, for me it is a lifetime. Sadly, we had someone here in the office let go today and that is....well, different. Most of the people who work here have been here for a long time and are not going anywhere either. There are also not that many of us here in the office either (20-25). So having one go is, wierd, sad and hard.

On a lighter note, I went to the flower shop today because it is Thursday and that is where I eat my Thursday lunch (unless it snows) and she got a bundle of lilacs in today. Lilacs aren't anything like I imagined they would be. I thought they were miniature violets, but they are snapdragon looking flowers in mass amounts. I see why you can make scents out of them. There are so many in one at a time that you could make enough smell for everything that needs it and then some. I bought some note cards that I really liked and that are so upscale. Her shop exudes class. I hope I can achieve that some day. Class that is, not lilacs odor.

Speaking of flowers, I got to hang out with baby Iris last night. She is super cool. She is doing the Indian ohwawawawawa thing now and it is so funny! It just makes me laugh and laugh. The more I laugh the louder she got. I can't believe how heavy she is. My left arm is crampy from carrying her around. I am going to have to learn to switch hips/arms when I carry her. She teaches me so much about me. Things like: how to express my gasiness!! Arararar jk. Conveying love and honest communication. Ask for what you need, when you need it and don't suffer from Hunger, Anger Loneliness or Tiredness (HALT). I am glad Meg had her. She is nice to have around.

ahem

I like traffic lights,
I like traffic lights,
But only when they are green…..


I am sitting in traffic yesterday, seeing as they have finished with the paving of THE Bridge in Habersham, but the men in orange suits weren’t done yet so they were playing the follow the pilot car game, and I noticed that music in my car sounds so much better than when it is in the office. I think that is why I don’t mind driving: I am surrounded by music. If I am traveling to Mom & Dad’s, I crank the radio and sing all the way down. The truck drivers think I am crazy, but there again another person discovers my truth. Music sounds so much better when it is in four speakers blaring right at me as opposed to just two sitting on either side of the computer in my tiny cubicle that is turning into quite my own world. There is something to be said for the ability to sing better when there is surround sound happening. There is less ability to hear the self, which in turn is less ability to be in error, tonally or lyrically. There is also less road rage on my part because I am not paying any attention as to how badly other people are driving because I am too busy enjoying my singing. It also totally occupies my time when I am on a long drive and there is no one to talk to because otherwise I will talk on the cell phone, which is a really bad idea on 85S at 5 pm on Friday. I guess there is a plus to traffic now. Albeit that that Habersham County and White County only have traffic once a year (I mean construction traffic, there is always a constant of a lost tourist who doesn’t go over 40 even though they are in a 55, ah such is the strenuous life of the no stop lights, no interstates, no pollution crazed, fog hazed life!).

one could send you down the river
three's a strange way to be delivered
would you trade your words for freedom
that's a barter for a blind man

So Moses is not such a great guy. For some reason I had him posted up in my head as one of the greats, but in all reality. He couldn’t have even spoken had it not been for Aaron. Although, the way it is phrased, it makes me think that Aaron was an interpreter for Egyptian and that Moses Egyptian was not all that great, but that doesn’t make sense either. I mean, the guy was raised in the house of the Pharoah. I don’t know why he needed Aaron other than that people need people. Hahahahaha.

Got a new terra-cotta pot for my c-h-r-y-s-a-n-t-h-E-m-u-m. She is all sqenched up in the pot she is in and not breathing so well. Her little leaves are doing the weird brown thing and it is apparent, she is hanging off the table, that she has outgrown the pot she is in now. I am going to paint it up and make it pretty for her; also got new potting soil too. I will probably repot my peace lily because apparently it is good for them to change out the dirt every so often, at least according to my gardening friend. Had quite a trip to Walmart in the middle of the night on Saturday. John got a beta fish, which almost gave me heart attack. Can’t figure that one out yet, but there was a definite emotional reaction to him buying a fish. It made me laugh, laugh at the emotions that is, not the fish. He named it Moby.

Got to go golfing and shopping with my girlfriend, Megan and her baby girl, Iris. Iris was a perfect gem the entire shopping trip. She gave that “I am about to be really fed up with this whole shopping thing” look when we were paying at our last store, which was perfect timing. You know the face I am talking about, the silent scream before she lets a real blaster scream rip? Yeah, that one. We went to the coolest new store ever. Bye-bye Cato’s and Rich’s. Hello, Purely Chic!! It is this tiny shop on the square in Clarkesville, just down the way from Gertie Mae’s (which had great tulips this week for $10!! I bought them to compliment what was left of my bouquet two weeks ago, which was all yellow daisies so I got red tulips and Tada!! New bouquet!). Both Meg and I had been eyeing the store for some time. I was so afraid that it would be one of those stores that I could only purchase one item in with all my shopping money for three months, but it turns out, it just so happens that it just has the clothes like that and not the prices. They were left-overs from Liz Claiborne and Ann Taylor and Liz Taylor and and and! The tags were still on them from the heavy hitters stores and I bought $120 worth of clothes for…….$40.00!!!! It was great! I got a new office outfit (black skirt and black decorated blouse), a new taupe shirt for going out and about, and a new painting shirt that looks rather like an army green bandana. I felt like I had just been to THE Mall of Georgia and not been robbed. It was great. Then we went to a little place that had gap, old navy, ck, polo and what-nots in it, but I didn’t get anything there. Meg did though. She is much more petit than I am so she can fit into both women’s stuff and teen’s stuff. Me, I am all woman. That is when Iris gave the scream. So we picked up Megan’s clubs and went to the driving range for a while. Iris really likes being outdoors. It was nice to swing the club for a while. It has been almost two seasons since I played and didn’t realize how much I like it.

Sunday was all business. I had a district meeting and it was in Toccoa. It was really good though. Sometimes they are kind of lame and since I am the secretary, being bored is not good because I lose track of the minutes and forget to report something. It was nice to have fun. John changed the oil in my car, that was nice and then………the weather freaked me OUT! A wind blew across White County that was something aweful. It was as though it were the Native American Ghosts who used to inhabit the land walking across Mount Yonah into the Sautee Valley and over to the flatlands of Habersham (can you tell I have been reading Anne lately? I am on Anne of the Isle). It was spooky. I wasn’t the only one who was spooked. Then! Today’s weather report called for snow tomorrow. When I rose this morning it was 38 degrees. Something’s is coming! Hopefully it will be all rain and mess no snow, but they say that if it snows tomorrow that it will snow again before spring and it will be worse( I love old wives tales, they are so interesting!)! Just the same I am going home to collect kindling so that I will have it for tomorrow. Even if it rains, I will be cold. Mostly, I am always cold until a week after Memorial Day. Then I am warm till Labor Day. I think it has something to do with being raised in the summers at Avondale Pool.

Now were talking about a difficult thing
Your eyes are getting wet
But I took us for better and I took us for worse
Don’t you ever forget

So I noticed that gay marriage is the hot topic for the month (I also noticed that someone else brought it up on their blog so I thought that I would put my two cents in too.). In my world, this is the third month: Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him. Now, see if you can follow the random train of thought on this one. I have a tendency to go around the world, but I am going to link those first two sentences, promise.

I was listening to the radio this morn, good ole 99x whose morning show has been getting worse each day with small epochs of glimmers of hope that it will re-establish its self. Today, the crew was once again posturing on gay marriage. One said that he opposed gay marriage due to religious reasons, he is a Jew, but thought there should be some type of unions granted. One, being heavily involved with several gay couples in life, posed the questions as to if there was something wrong with her friends if they can’t get married, as though they had the plague or a third eye. The third was totally pro gay marriage and Yea Gay, which is an unusual stance from the particular individual because generally speaking he is a moron. I felt like this was a good representation of the different opinions being recklessly thrown about this issue.

I have heard on the news the gays standing off to the religious zealots in a toe to toe match debate on the courthouse steps of some random city in California expressing the freedoms which are endowed by this fine country with which we live. I have seen the politicians carefully phrasing their words in order to appease the constituents. I have sat and listened to Crossfire on CNN (well actually I wasn’t sitting, I was on a work out thing at the gym sweating like crazy and yelling back at the TV, while folks thought I was nuts, which I am so this is good that they get the right impression). I am listening and I don’t hear the heart of the matter. I don’t hear the reality of the issue.

To me the reality of the issue is not gay marriage or straight marriage. It is marriage in general. To me, I don’t understand why government is involved with marriage at all. The only thing I see is 1) taxes (the government is a business and finds anyway for it to make money possible) and 2) the census (let us be counted…important figures for economical, biological and other ical reasons). To me, marriage is between me, the person who has chosen me, and I them, and God. What’s the government doing in the middle? Well, like I said it has to make money. From a republican stand point, you’d think they would say: sure get gay married so we can make more money!! Hurrah! From a democratic standpoint, you’d think they’d say: everyone is loved, get gay married so we can celebrate diversity! Hurrah! So why is everyone in an up roar? Well, there is the religious thing, the moral thing and the powerful thing. The religious people say: homosexuality is bad; it says so in the Bible, in the Torah, in the Koran. The moral people say: it doesn’t make sense, the biological pieces don’t fit, economically it is not sound due to the constraints of the insurance companies and etc. The powerful people say: I am right no matter what, elect me and I will stay in charge of things (they say this on a regular basis, but it seems to work for them)hurumph, hurumph, hurumph. Then there are those who realize that while the morals and values of the people who established this country were predominately laden with Christian influences, they came here specifically for the opportunity to have religious freedoms, space and taxation with representation and other idealistic values. In establishing the country, they left out God, sort of. They left out any specified deity. This means that the government is free of religion. There are some kinks in the system which causes quite a fuss on a regular basis in today’s world: i.e. “One nation under God,” & “In God we Trust.” Now to make sure I wasn’t totally crazy wrong on this, I looked up the Bill of Rights and the Constitution so that I could skim and see for myself if God is mentioned: Nope, Not there. What this means then is that its about God as I understand Him……see told you I’d skip back around. It means that God as I understand Him may not be the God that you understand: which is the purpose of this country’s Constitution and Bill of Rights. It also means that there is not any form of discriminations to the rights of this country. None. Not even in marriage. It means that if I want to marry an Egyptian aristocrat, I can marry and Egyptian aristocrat or a Hindu priestess, I can. It means that if I want to vote and am the only blue person in the nation, I get to vote. I am given these inalienable rights because I am a citizen of this country not because I am cute, rich, popular, dishonest/honest or with or with out integrity. While the positions held by the officials are entirely about character, the citizenship of this country is not. I also understand that if you want your rights as a citizen, you must sometimes fight for them. If you don’t, you may not really be a citizen. Marriage is not about government, it is about God, as I understand Him, which is provided by the cloak of this same government and it is time for the government to get out of the way. The biggest problem is the powerfuls, it means they lose a little of it. Power is simply about control and this is one less thing controlled. Knowing the powerfuls, however, they will find a way to control in some twisted way, also known as bureaucracy. Gotta love America, there’s no place like it..

Boy I feel better having said all this. I am sure that there are some fallacies with in the opinion versed, but I don’t care. It is just nice to get out how I feel about it. Venting? Yes that would be me, although now that I am done I feel empty. Guess I will have to find something else to pick on.

MOVIE REVIEW:

Why don’t you rustle up some grub?

Yes, this is the most exciting line in EVERY western. Oh, goodness. I did it. I rented Open Range. I trusted Carter’s opinion that it was a good, but not excellent movie. I stayed up late to finish the movie even. It never got better than the first scene. It was tremendously boring and dragged on and on. I kept hoping that the script would explode with meaning or originality. It never happened. The script must be as long as the Passion’s (85 pages). None of it was original material. Every line in the whole movie was stolen from previous western classics or from western tv shows. Kevin totally got out acted by his cast too. Man, Annett would hand out these lines and Kevin just could not return them with any chemistry or conviction or drama (which if you are going to be an actor, having drama is a good thing; kind of what you are paid for). Then Robert was so good. He showed all of the crosses between doing the right thing and the fear that comes with that mixed with the love for a life he didn’t have and….I could go on, but I think you get my drift. There is a reason Robert DuVall is an oscar award holding actor. The only one who didn’t do as well as Kevin was the French kid who had a total of 5 lines, which is enough in the actor’s guild to be paid big bucks. I am not sure that you can determine acting quality after five lines (although that is how Brad Pitt got his start in Thelma and Louise(SP)…….among other reasons….like a really hot body). The directing was amazing considering that I think that the actors only were on the set all at one time for a week. Everything else was cut to pieces. The cinematography in this film was great. It gave it the makings of an epic. The music was pretty good too. I thought it was great humor for the music to serge in a threatening way just when the puppy was getting swept away in the flash flood waters only to be saved by Kev. Dogs played great roles in this film. They were the highlights that evoked true emotional gripes, I mean grips for me. My sarcasm is getting worse by the second. Unfortunately, the movie was awful. I am having a hard time believing that I rented this movie, but I wanted it to be good so badly. I wanted it to be Tombstone and it just was not even in the same league. I guess I will go see the Passion and love it.

Heaven bent to take my hand and lead me through the fire…


So there is an air conditioner war. Little did I know that the war was on…. until I made the mistake of becoming a part of the battle! I don’t know what the weather is like in the rest of the country; however, I do know that it was at least 75 degrees in my office today. Now, I am a huge fan of summer. I am all about sitting in the sun on a life guard stand for eight hours a day. However, I am not a fan of B.O. I understand that I am not like most people in that I don’t really perspire or get hot. Most people do and do…….it smelled rank in this office. The front office had kicked their air into gear so when I realized that it must be okay (mistake one: entered a battle zone), I flipped the switch so as to eliminate odor and get a breath of fresh air. (Mistake two: made assumption; Mistake three: flipped the switch) A monster from management that I didn’t even know existed in the company came out of the closet!! Wow, what a reaction. You’d have thought the life of management as we knew it was coming to an end! Children were dying, buildings on fire and least of all a dog is hit on the side of the road. So I fought righteously by admitting my faults and then I did the old duck and run aka apologize and leave the room. Then the monster raised her head and howled one last time……the battles are beginning. I can see this as being a petty office control issue that will get splattered all over staff meetings and memos across these fine months until October. Who knew? In my last office everyone was fat and the AC was left on 55, which was agreed upon everyone but me, so I wore a sweatshirt all summer last year. Don’t foresee that being an issue this year. Well, it’s nice to know that I will get good use out of my nice summer wardrobe this year. I am so looking forward to it. If for no other reason, to avoid the monster behind the closed office door, I will be a happy summer baby. I always wondered what was in there behind that door. Glad it stays closed most of the time.

It's a day in the life
In my mind I've seen it all
Sometime soon for all to see

So it snowed….it finally snowed. Thank goodness. Just like kids do, I got a snow day. Everyone else in the office has kids and since the schools closed, so did we. Then Friday was a seriously slammed catch up day here at work as a result. Hurray for the new baby in the family. It is a good things I read blogs though or I’d never found out. Hurray for Carter’s promotion. Hurray for the snow. I needed that day. It was a beautiful day. I rode around doing real estate stuff with John so that I could see the snow.

The weekend was good too. John and I had a romantic late dinner at Alice’s Restaurant on Friday night. That is the coolest, most comfortable, good eatin’, eclectic place to eat ever. I love eating there. Alice is so kind and welcoming and her food is so gooooood. (Actually, a guy named Jason made my steak, but that is beside the point) Then on Saturday I went to two b’day parties: one in the morning and one at night. Both were very entertaining and opportunistic. In the middle of the parties I went and joined the gym for a year for 100 bucks that was given to me to go get the membership. $8.75 a month for a gym membership: can’t beat that with a stick. I went home to paint. We had a bet on who would guess the correct amount of snow and “The Donna’s” (two women in our office named Donna) tied. So I made them both a painting. My super boss also asked me to make a painting for her for her bathroom. She said that she wanted something really girly. So I began on that one too. I am nervous as to whether or not she will like it. I have never really painted for anyone other than doing Valentines. Mostly, my art is for me. It freaks people out when they come to my house because my art is what decorates my house. I don’t bother to buy such things when I can just make them. It’s more meaningful anyhow. So I painted and watched movies. MOVIES: CAMP; Wonderland; Pirates of the Caribbean. CAMP is a Sundance production that is terrific. It is about a bunch of kids who go to drama camp and yadayada. They do all these big musical numbers through out it and it is really good. Turns out that the kids did all their own singing and dancing and everything; they were really good. It was like watching Avondale on film. Wonderland was……………there is a reason I have never heard of it. “Pirates” is awesome. On Sunday, I went to another b’day party and I went to the gym and went to my girlfriend’s house.

Today, I am feeling the gym, but I am going back again anyway. I forgot how much I loved working out. I am so glad I get to do it again. Hurray for the gym.