I have been trying to learn how to cook. All this time John and I have been married, I would make a dinner here or there, but usually it was the same dinner as last time or not very different from the last time. My dinners consist of chicken and noodles with sauce. There is always a salad and a fruit dessert, but the entree is always the same. Through trudging communication with my new husband, I have Finally heard that he likes to have dinner at home, especially now that he works at a camp where dinner consists of hotdogs or peanutbutter sandwiches. Now here is the problem: you can only eat chicken, noodles and sauce so many times in a row.

My first dinner for him was chicken alfredo. Pretty good change from the red sauce to a white sauce. Different flavor. Then I went for chicken, plain noodles and cheese. Yeah, now I am bored with the chicken. So I reach into the bowels of the freezer to find a roast. I pulled out my crockpot that Aunt Melody gave me a hundred years ago that only ever gets used for Christmas wassail and put stuph in with the pot roast. Yeah, we ended up having left overs that night. The potroast as it turns out was...old. It was two years old. Please, do not try this at home. Luckily, I have a kind mother who sent me a recipe to follow for the next time around that will allow me the ability to have a tasty meat treat for my hubby sweet. Thanks Mom.

I am determined to find things that are different on a regular basis so as to add to the health and well being of our meals and our relationship. On Sunday, I made homemade applesauce. While this is not a meal in itsself unless you are 90, it wore out all my cooking muscles for dinner. So there was no exercising the dinner prospects. In the process of cooking the fresh apples from the Orchard, yes, I live in the country and there really is an apple orchard, I had to go to get two sweet apples because the Orchard apples are mostly cooking apples with not a whole lot of taste which meant another trip to the grocer. Whilst there, I was able to conjure up more ingrediants for tonight's experiment: lasagna. I haven't made this since I was drunk, however, I have a really good recipe and I am good at following directions as long as you have my attention.

We shall see how it works. I am throwing this out to the culinary artists in my life: please send me (via email) recipes of something other than chicken to feed my husband dinner. For example, what are beef tips for? How do you make a moroccan dish? How do you cook bbq ribs without a grill?

I have a 1958 cook book from BetterHomes, but as it turns out, the food in that book is REALLY from 1958. Nothankyou, but the book is cool to look at. What is your favorite dish and how do you make it in a regular everyday kitchen?

CYBER CULINARY PEOPLE: help . . .






ps the applesauce that i made is AWESome.

I have always had a hard time maintaining relationships. I am great at making new friends or staying friends with someone because they go to school with me, work with me, church with me or live with me. I am horrible at the afterwards. For example, when I graduated highschool, people just disappeared out of my life. I have heard that people came back from college and on the holidays got together with old friends, but I never did that. I never had that. College, same thing. I graduated, they were gone: poof, like smoke.

The same thing was true for my relationship with God too. When I was no longer "required" to go to church, I didn't go. And just like that: poof, like smoke, God was gone from my life.

I found God again. It took getting honest, finding courage, having integrity and discipline, all and all I perservered and have an awareness of God that gives me the ability of service to God and to my fellows. It has been a long road of growth for me, but as a result, I have a relationship with God.

That Relationship has given me the ability to have relationships with my parents, my brother, my friends that stuck around long enough for me to stray and return and a few new folks along the way.

The reason I mention all of this is that I started back to school this week. Instead of the newness that comes with the freshman feel, I had a sophomore experience. I knew people already and don't have to go through the rigamarole of social dysfunction. I am hoping that, because I have a relationship with God, that maybe I can keep some of these college friends this time around...God willing!

I am having a hard time keeping my spirits up about weight. I don't know why I poop out after trying something for just a little while, but I do. I decided it is because I have a good forgetter. This means that I forget how well I have done before and give up too easily. My head says, "this is really hard and I am no good at it," and poof, I quit. And poof, low self esteem! Amazing how well a forgetter works! I just up an forget the effort already invested.

What's worse is that as I quit things, the quitting compounds as does the low self esteem. It gets to a point where I finally never get started on something--and Oh Well! I am on a track to no self esteem or negative self esteem. In awareness of the repetitive downward spiral, self-destructive behavior, I finally came up with a solution.

I believe in spiritual tools. One of my spiritual tools is taking inventory. This means finding out what I do and don't have; finding out what does and doesn't work. One example is that I used to have a vicious tongue that could cut open a tin can it was so sharp. Today, while I never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut, I recognize that I have the ability to prophesy, that is to say the right thing at the right time with an uncanny truthfulness about the statement that perhaps the person in conversation with me was unaware of the truth. Through taking self inventory, I found out using my mouth to hurt people doesn't work. Telling the truth without hurting people does work. The inventory tells me what defect of character that needs to be thrown out. I ask God for help with the defect: many, many times, he turns it into an asset. It took years, btw, to turn that one around. God's time, not Rae's time.

Today's defect: I am trying to turn this physically unfitness around with God's help, which likewise will take years just like everything else. My part is to keep a daily inventory so I can see progress or slackness, honestly. One of the other things I struggle with along with physical unfitness is housecleaning. There is no doubt in my mind that they are indelibly linked somehow, so I am using the same tool for that one too: inventory. Normally, I use a diary or journal or something on the computer, but this time those weren't working. The funny thing about my inventory this time as opposed to other times is that I keep it (thank you Mom) as though I am a little girl.

One of the things that I remember from being a kid is a chart on the refrigerator with stars. If we did every chore or a certain amount of chores, we received $1 allowance in that week. Carter had his list and I mine. My chores were loading/unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, cleaning my bathroom, emptying trash around the house and picking up pine cones so Dad could mow the grass (eventually I mowed the grass, and then Carter and I went back to pick up). It seems like Carter and I traded off on feeding Fluffy the ridiculously finicky dog. Taking note from my Mom, I realized it would be an excellent inventory tool for me today, so that is what I have done.

I made a chart with all my chores including practicing piano and running. I use smiley faces as I could not find stars (weird). The smiley faces are good, they make me smile. I am able to see two things with this tool: 1) that I have actually done a task x-amount of times and 2) when it is time to do it the next week if it is a weekly thing (i.e. dusting, cleaning the bathroom, etc). It is reassuring. I ran three times last week. I have run once this week and have done weights once this week. Success!

The most important thing this inventory brings me is the eraser for the forgetter. No more thinking this is hard and I can't when I have proof that I can and did. To boot, there is a smiley face cheering me on from the front of my refrigerator. God-bye forgettor, hello smiley face!

Quick status update (for Sarah and others). Last week I ran two miles for three days out of seven. My high time was 28:45 and my low time was 25:36. I wasn't able to get through the full two mile without stopping. I felt pretty inadequate about it because I have never not been able to do something. Even when I up and started running cross country for school, I could run the full two miles right off the bat. So I went to one of my favorite cross country runners, Grace. She is Sherry's 14 year old daughter who is an athlete of monumental proportions. She said that it took her about a week before she could run the full two miles. This was even after being at soccer and basketball camps during the summer and some outside basketball conditioning. She is tall and thin and has about five percent body fat, maybe six during the summer. She says don't worry about walking. She did say that try to run even if the run is slower than it would be if you walked. She said it conditions your body correctly. Okay, I say.

So today, I ran again. I ran the first mile at 12:38 with no walking and ran until about the half mile mark on the second mile. That is where the "wiltshire" hill starts straight up for about a quarter of a mile. It is very painful--literally. I got a stitch in my side that almost made me stop, but Grace told me how to work that out too so I kept going. I had a slow time today, but I ran further than I've ever run so far. I figure if it takes a gal who is in shape a week to run a full two miles, it will probably take me a month. That is my goal. In a month, two miles, no stopping.

I haven't been to a general practicioner since I was in college the first time. This means no physical, and in my mind, nothing wrong with me. I went in to the regular doctor to get a referral to an allergist as my allergies have become overwhelming. Thanks to the wiles of insurance, that is the necessary order to get to the allergist. I wish I could have just gone to the allergist, but whatever. When I went to the regular doctor, she insisted that I have a physical. This included being weighed, measured and worst, stuck (ow) for blood to be "tested."

Now, I am four doctor visits later and went from taking one pill prior to going in, to five pills and a nasal spray steroid. Turns out that I have severe allergies to dust, dust mites and hickory and pecan tree pollens. The severity is in the dust mites. So I get to take two pills and a spray for that. My regular doctor found out I had acid reflux (thanks to Dad's side of the family) and high cholesterol (thanks to Mom's side of the family). So now I have two more pills. One once a day, one twice a day. Yes, I have two wierd dysfunctions that normally don't happen until people are members of AARP.

The diagnosis that trips me out the most is the high cholesterol. Turns out that a high LDL count can lead to arteriosclerosis, which my grandaddy had, aka hardening of the arteries. So now I am eating a double portion of oatmeal in the morning (on a daily basis to lower cholesterol), cheerios for lunch, snacks and dinner (takes three portions of cheerios, instead of two like oatmeal), fruits and vegetables and other sterol induced products and taking a one a day vitamin that has Niacin (B3) and rigorous exercise which includes weights 2-3 times a week, to get back to normal. Ideally, I would love to be tested again and startle my regular doctor by having normal levels of LDL. Yeah, I don't actually expect that to happen, but I am going to give it everything I've got. I don't know that it will work, but I am going to try.

Now here's the craziest part of all: every pill I take is a different shape. I have a trapezoid, a circle, a square, an oval, and a rectangle. Then there is the vitamin, but I don't know what shape it is. Super huge, is that a shape? I can take all five of the pills together in one swish of water, but I have to take a whole cup of water to get the one a day vitamin down. Stupid. I am never going to the doctor again.

Okay, maybe I am just not going to the doctor until my next appointment.

I made the best damn omlet of my life.

When I was drunk, I used to say that I made the best omlets. But when I got sober, not so much. Guess I had to be drunk to add to the flavor. Now, I am not a happy go lucky heart healthy food kinda gal. I didn't eat steak until I was 16. I didn't eat red sauce on my spaghetti until...I was in college? I didn't eat green leafy veggies (ie broccoli and dark lettuces) until last year. I am just, well, I am just persnickity. My idea of a good meal consists of a Caramel Macchiato, M&M's, McD's french fries and a prime rib from Outback with tigerdill. I would eat myself crazy on that meal. Unfortunately, that meal makes me fat. As it turns out when you get older, you lose muscle mass as a result of less activity, creating a lower metabolism, leading to fat and so the cycle of an old fat person begins. It starts at 30 btw. It's hard to say which came first, the low metabolism or the lessening activity. Either is possible.

Now that I am 32 and fat, I have decided to act on my inevitability of less muscle tone. I began on December 26 of last year trying to eat no sugar and no white flour. Mind you, I also have no alcohol, no cigarettes, no meddling in others affairs already so to add no sugar and no white flour was no easy task. But I did it. It was stupid. I lost fifteen pounds and every time my horomones kick in, I gain five. All this tells me is that in six months of no sugar and no white flour, I lost ten pounds. Stupid. Don't worry. I limited my caloric intake too. That is how I lost the extra ten and gain five every hormornal cycle. Stupid.

So I have given up on the no sugar diet and made a batch of brownies for some of John's very happy campers and LICKED THE BOWL. It was the best batch of brownies I've ever had. After my splurge, I realized that was not the healthiest approach to continue to loose weight. So I ran. I ran almost two mile. It took me about 25 minutes which means that I was running about a 15 minute mile. It was my compensation for the brownies. I have also added reading a book to my healthy stuph. So as of Monday, I read a part of the book and ran two miles. Then on Tuesday, I did it again. Although I realized that a 15 min mile is a little on the slow side (my Dad is laughing at me right now wondering if I was walking and yes admittly there were periods of a fast pace walk), I timed my first mile to see what I was really running. My first mile was 12 1/2 mins. The second was more. I made it a full two miles on Tuesday and was able to get back before 30 minutes. I will try again today.

Today is my third day on the book and the run plan and as a way to continue to add stuph to the plan, I thought I should try to eat as healthy as I could. I thought an omlet would be nice, but I don't make good omlets. I made one anyway. I figured worse comes to worse, I would give it to Mikey. Mikey likes anything. I made a perfect omlet. I don't know how that happened. Maybe it was the cast iron skillet or the real butter that I used to season the bottom of it, or the milk that I added to the eggs, or the eggs themselves being farm eggs. I don't know, but it encourages me to eat more healthy stuph. So now, the omlet is a part of the healthy plan this week: read the book, run, eat the best damn omlet ever.

I have had a lot of allergies in my life. When I was little: whole milk. I would drink whole milk and break out. Mom thought it might have been the froot loops: boy was I glad it was the milk. I mean really can you imagine being a kid without froot loops? Anyway, then when we moved to GA, I was being babysat by the McKinnises and they had a very large hill to roll down. My brother and I rolled down that hill a lot for one day. I came home with a rash. Carter, not so much. So now we know I am allergic to whole milk and grass. That was about it...

Carter on the other hand, would come home from school with migranes as a result of allergies. Ever seen a cute little boy with a migrane? vomitting on the bus? It is pretty sad. All because of allergies. Dad has allergies too. AND I can remember going with my Grandmother when I was little to the doctor because she had to have shots, her allergies were so bad.

Outside of the milk *which I grew out of* and the grass *which I never rolled down a hill again so..* I really have never faced any true full blown omg allergies. Then I became an adult.

Turns out that I am allergic to alcohol and cigarette smoke. Which for those of you who are new, I had a serious bout of intoxication for about six years and smoked for...nine almost ten years *two packs a day, preferably* Turns out my system can't really take either of them. Now that there is no alcohol or cigarettes, I found this nice man who graciously married me and we live on this farm. Now, I don't know what I am allergic to, but these are the possibilities:

hay, dogs, cows, grass, mold, mildew, random bush outside of window, magnolias, my husband, down pillows, old mattress, down comfortor, ants, bees, wasps, spiders, tide, smell good spray i got for bday...I could go on, but these are the ones that are so present they make me sneeze.

I have been taking good over the counter drugs. But like all otc drugs, I have built a tolerance to them. I went to the doc last week, she gave me samples of not so otc drugs until we found out what works. Yeah, not the samples. If I mix the samples with the otc things get better, but not either drug separately. Why am I blogging about my snottiness you wonder?

I am scheduled to see an allergist tomorrow. The allergist said no meds for three days prior to visit. In case you are wondering: my eyes are leaking, itching, burning; my head is splitting, my nose is sneezing. I WANT MY DRUGS.

Tomorrow we will know exactly what is ringing my bell. Until then, I whine.

So I was just lamenting to my friend Michelle, how everyone else I knew got to go to the beach this summer and I didn't. Waaaa....

Then, my husband was invited to the beach! So we are at the beach! Thank you God for listening to my whining!

Here are some shots so far:

This one is for proof that I am here. (My toenail polish matches my bathing suit!)

This beautiful creature flew in to say hello while we were on the beach yesterday.

Ah...The next Christmas card? Definite potential!