I am so done with midterms. I am in unavailable for thought mode. I have read every blog known to man, planned out how many movies I can squeeze into tomorrow, bought a starbucks for the first time in two weeks and am totally not into work, working out or anything relative to homework.

My friend Vicki is doing a girly movie weekend and while that sounds awesome, my hubby will never go for that one. Saroy is doing some kind of race across Texas, which I don't know that I am too into that. Carter is doing something, but there is no way to know because he won't blog. Mom and Dad? Hmm...I am guessing there is a trip to the d-o-g p-a-r-k planned, thankfully, I live in the middle of a dog park or rather, cow park, so no trip for me. What to do...

I think this weekend will be about not thinking for me. Maybe I will nod in and out of Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea while doing laundry, petting the best dogs in the world and loving on my hubby. I am sure he will be on a motocycle or hanging out with friends. I so want to be on spring break right now, but am so not. Although, maybe I can get JSK to switch out the mattresses for better sleeping enjoyment before I totally crash. Not thinking, that sounds sooo good.

I am actually going to do something on Sunday...become a Daughter of the King. I am actually already a DOK, but I will be admitted into the service officially and recieve my cross which is our habit. I am what I always wanted to be: a Baptist Nun. Strange, but true. My friend Katherine Oliver and I came up with whole scenario about that. But that's for a thinking blog not a non-thinking blog. I will also teach SS on sunday. That doesn't require thought though. Thank goodness...

MIDTERMS MIDTERMS MIDTERMS MIDTERMS....

Do you know the difference between marketing positioning and product positioning? What about five ratios to help describe a corporation? Perhaps it would be easier for you to discuss the inverse relationship of assets on the operating section of a cash flow statement? Oh, I know, I'll make it easier, just give me the x-intercepts of f(x)=x2+2x+1.

I had three midterms last week and three midterms this week and NO spring break next week...don't know who screwed that one up, but they did. I did Algebra, Microsoft Access, and Microsoft Excel last week. (Yeah those three were not all that imposing.) Then this week, I had marketing on Tuesday, accounting on Wednesday and Finance on Thursday. Now granted, these three are intro courses, but they were so painful!!!! I made an A on the mktg. I think I made an A on the Accting and today...I don't know. It was a standard blue book exam with three essay and three word problems with a bonus. I really want an A on it. I made a B on the first exam, so an A would be nice. But I don't know how I did because I think my brain is leaking out of my ear. It makes it complicated to think, remember, complete sentences.

I am so looking forward to not studying tonight even though I have a quiz in Algebra tomorrow (taking the standard quadratic equation and completing the square in order to get the standard shifted form to analyze the parabola). I am going to make dinner for my husband, go hang out with good friends who do not give me grades and wallow in good healthy exercise for my body which I have ignored in order to study this week.

Whew, I made it. This moment finally passed.

Notes:

*Why is my priest the best priest? Because she used "Groundhog Day" in her sermon.

*Must see: http://www.indianajones.com/site/index.html

*Got a new pair of jeans at the MACY'S president's day sale, dropped a whole size! Woohoo! So John bought me a new workout outfit too! (And beautiful gold earrings)

*Megan has the flu--like went to a doctor and tested positive for the flu, flu. And exposed me to it last night before she went to the doctor. Erg...

*Survived another Valentine's day at Gertie Mae's flower shop in Clarkesville. By the time I'd gotten there for my shift, the floor looked like the swedish chef of flowers had been there. There were flowers on the floor, in buckets, in vases, in tissue, in boxes for sale and not for sale. There were flowers for sale, delivery and pickup. There were customers and workers and designers and drivers and whew...it takes a village to raise a child, well then it takes a city to run a flower shop on Valentines Day. Although, there is no place better to be on a day of love than in the midst of beautiful flowers: roses, astrolameria, wax flower, greenery, gerber daisies, sunflowers, more roses, mmm...can't remember what the yellow flower is called, want to call it saledago, but know that is an herb. The day was awesome. Flowers, flowers, everywhere.

*Saw Jumper with Debbie on Friday night. Pretty good. Went in not knowing what it was about, came out not minding I spent 6.50+popcorn on it.

*Am trying to be in bed by ten every night...wonder if this will ever happen.

My church: Happy Lent

Today our associate pastor kicked off the season of Lent. I don't usually pay much attention when he preaches because I feel like he looks down on us as a congregation sometimes in his messages. I like Dena better. But today, he made some good points. Of course the Gospel reading for today was about the temptation of Christ. Initially he pointed out the things we give up for Lent and that Sundays don't count in Lent (which who knew that?). Then he reached into the scripture for something more. I am all about more.

He mentioned that the hebrew translation for the word Satan is advisary. I didn't know that. It makes more sense. I don't like the concept of Satan: a fallen angel with a resentment collecting souls for hell. It is not inspiring. Mostly that fallen angel concept seems as though all I need is a good proton phaser in a video game to get rid of him. But an advisary, I have those. I have met those people, places and things. I understand the advisary concept. Someone who challenges me.

Don went on to point out that the temptation of Christ was not for what He gave up in the forty days in the desert, rather the temptation was to be who He was not. This advisary was challenging Christ's inner most self and tempting Him to renounce those beliefs. Now that is a concept of hell that I can get into. I know all about that kinda temptation. I know all about that kinda hell. I have been there. And I am Not going back.

When I went off to college, my temptation was waiting for me. It had already let me know that it was there. It was a cunning, patient thing. Some people I knew from church and school had given into it already. They had stories of pleasure and glory. This made the temptation even more alluring. My parents raised me to live without fear, rather in faith. They raised me in the faith that Christ of virgin birth, was resurrected from death as a sacrifice for the sin that separated me as a human from God, our Father. They raised me in a house without temptations. I'll never forget that opportunity to give in to my temptation finally. It was all consuming. It was all knowing. It asked me to renouce my beliefs and I said yes.

As a result it destroyed me. I met a fate of pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization. And yet, I am not that person today. At a point of great pain, I surrendered. I confessed my sins, made my restitutions with people. And finally, I made my restitutions with God. Today, like every day, I ask for God's forgiveness. I try to do His will to the best of my ability. I don't usually know what that is. I do know today that His will for me is not to drink. His will for me is to be His beautiful worthy child. Instead of renoucing my beliefs today, I carry his message to the mountains, the desserts and where-ever else He may send me.

In my Sunday School class today we studied the second chapter of Matthew. I asked my class why King Herod killed all those children? Because he had no faith they learned. They recognized that Josef and Mary had faith. They saw the magi followed God's will. They started to write a paragraph about their own fear and faith. They all had a story they wanted to tell me (all at one time) about their fear and faith. One has scoliosis and might have an operation. One's older brother cut his toe off with a lawn mower. They are amazing kids. When they get it, they really get it. When I was trying to think of my story of fear and faith, all I could think was that it would take more than a paragraph.

Today I have the faith to face the temptations in my life. I don't have to renouce my beliefs today. I know who I am. I know that I am a Christian. I know that I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't meddle in other people's affairs. I eat healthy. I get it. I like it when my pastor gives more because I get more.

I am a mastermind.

I am an artist.

I am mad with housework!

I didn't get started on these cabinets until after lunch. I ended up being on the phone with my long lost girlfriend, Meg. Actually she is not long or lost, but we like talking on the phone (for two hours at a time), so people might think this to be true. She is a cabinet painting guru. As in she does it for a living. She is all about the colors and messy-ness. She was so excited I was painting my cabinets.

As you can see, these cabinets were built about fifty years or so ago. They are super-size cabinets. One of my cabinets is the size of two that are built today. Needless to say, the icky yellow color is painful. This is the color I have been eating over since I moved into the farm.

This ----->>>>>>>>photo is half way through the process. I had to lay a base coat of high gloss white in order to get the effect I was going for.

TADA!

It's a miracle. I have painted cabinets. You can call me Martha Stewart if you want to!

I still don't know if I like them yet. I stopped at three just to make sure this is the look I want. I still have bit of touch up work to do, but I wasn't willing to do it if I didn't like it. I think I will sleep on it. I was thinking that maybe they would be lighter than they are. But I may have mixed the glaze too heavy. I think adding some white or glaze will tone down the shock of the color. I don't know which though, so I will consult the experts.

I am taking on yet another household project here at the old farm. I have straightened and cleaned the sun room. I laid out a rug that John's mom gave us over six months ago. It has cat hair on it and will have to be repeatedly vaccuumed before it can really be used. I am not sure how to go about cleaning it other than vacuuming it because it is some kind of fancy thing, although it couldn't be that fancy after all, she did hand it down. It is a lovely blue and it covers most of the room which is good insulation as the only thing separating the ground from the room is some boards and a pitiful amount of carpet with no pad or foundation or anything other than cold air that you can feel through the pitiful carpet. So the rug will put another layer between us and the outside world. I am not sure what all will go out there other than my books for now. I would like for it to be a nice sitting room, but as of yet it has no power and no heat. So that will make the project long.

I am also working on the opposite side of the house on the cabinets. They were built in the fifties. If I could describe the color it would be nicotine yellow. Bleh. I have been given some good suggestions on what to do with them. I am going to paint some boards first to see what I like best before just painting and having to redo my work. I am looking at an olive green with a glaze. I am looking at a "mountain air" blue. I am looking at a high white gloss with a hydrangea blue glaze. I don't know what I like best yet. I still have to clean and scratch/sand them. The sanding is to give the new paint something to stick to and to eliminate residue the cleaning did not get up. You'd think you could just sand them, but ah, not the case according to experts. I call them experts because they have done this for a living.

Hopefully once the cabinets are done I can move onto the walls. That is a much more in-depth project than I am willing to do while I am in school. Maybe that will be a good spring break project. The kids at school are already talking about trips to Destin, going home to work for a week or going skiing in whereever. Must be nice to have money to travel. I will just stay home and keep working on me. That way I can get to a place where I can travel too one day.

Turns out that you don't have to give something up for Lent. Sometimes you can just give something for Lent (thank you Sherry for the clarification). So this Lent season I am not giving up anything, I am going to give myself a home. I have been working slowly but surely on it for a while. The back room is now officially a clean, well organized closet. The kitchen is a place where we can move and eat and live. It is cleaned and organized. It is more oriented for just me and John and if we like a set of guests. John redid the bathroom. It is so much nicer than when I first moved in. It has matching fixtures, a stainglass window and has been repainted. He also added a pretty medicine cabinet mirror instead of the old, rusted mirror where the frame of it was screwed into the wall. I will be glad when we have the sunroom at our disposal too. Then we will have three rooms available to us instead of two, a closet and a bathroom. The mudroom is the last option I have to adjust. It will take several men to fix. We have a six foot freezer in there with NOTHING IN IT. It is just plugged in, sucking up electricity. I would like to ditch it and put in an antique bakers table that we have. I would not bake with it, but I would store laundry stuff in it and it would give me a place to fold clothes. It would free up some space to put in a pretty antique bench so as to sit and take your muddy shoes off too. It is also one of those rooms that is like our computer room when I was growing up. It has a purpose for the use of a computer, but if you are ever looking to just stick something somewhere, it is a great room for that too. I would rather the mudroom live up to its name. Ahh....life at the farm.

This I give to myself: building a home I can call ours instead of his. More than anything, building a home instead of just some place to lay down. I guess if I am going to be here, in this shack in the valley of the mountains, in the middle of the pasture, I should make it a place that would be honoring and cherishing of not just myself but a place for God.

Who would ever know that in the game of MASH, I would end up with the greatest man ever, four cars, a motorcycle, a shack, potential children later on, and a job as a student? Ah, such is life.

Have you ever been in the middle of a spiritual experience, one of an education variety as opposed to a sudden revelation?

That is where I am right now. I can't seem to balance. It is not as though there is much to balance in the first place, but trying to get food in the mix makes me feel cloudy, fuzzy, like I can't stand up straight.

My brother asked me if I was going to give up anything for Lent. I laughed out loud. Give up for LENT?! You mean giving up alcohol wasn't enough? How about smoking? Meddling in other people's affairs? OH! I know I'll give up sugar and white flour, our bodies weren't meant to process that anyway. Oh, right, I have already given all that up! So what is it that you want me to give to God to enrich my experience with Him, or bring me closer to Him for only 40 days as opposed to say, the rest of my life?

Who was is that started this trend of forty days and forty nights of abstinence? Oh yeah. That Guy. I wonder if that Guy gave up alcohol, smoking, meddling, sugar and white flour just to get closer to God our Father. Some say He gave up sex, although I have never seen scripture about His celibacy. Some say that there is a human lineage, although I haven't seen any scripture that says that either. So we know know one thing is for sure, we don't have any idea if He gave up sex or not. 40 days and 40 nights in the desert, what was He thinking? Was He lost? It wasn't until he was worn out that He was tested. Faith fights temptation. And then He starts preaching. So why do we give up something for Lent?

You know, I find that food or drink or smoke is not really what blocks me from a relationship with God. That is just the stuph I hide away in, not the stuph that blocks me from His Spirit. The stuph that hinders me in a real walk with Him are things like: judgement of others, irrational jealousy, not taking care of me, dishonesty with myself and others, fear of loss, believing that I am unworthy. These things crush me. For some reason I do not naturally respond with "Hey Rae, you are a Beautiful Child of God." It just doesn't come up in conversation with me, myself or I. Inevitably, when my head says, "Wait! Don't leave me!" I am separated from God--instantaneously. Thunderstruck, as AC/DC would say.

I don't know that 40 days would do it for me. For only 40 days, I would be close to God? Is that all I get? I want to be close to God everyday. So shouldn't I give up something everyday to be closer to God? If I truly want to have a daily walk, shouldn't I do things daily?

I learn so much about my faith when I am growing spiritually.