Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

Flowers, check
Church, check
Reception Site, check
Photographer, check
Priest, check
Dress, check
Maids, check
Maid of honor, check
Dresses for Maids, check
Gifts for maids, check
Register, check
Dance floor, almost
Shoes, check
Invitations, check
Showers, check
Organist, almost

Sanity? Nope...

Of course you don't feel fine your in deliverance country surrounded by a bunch of sober freaks...

I don't have a dog. I am dog sitting. I have three plants. All are well and happy and I have always had relationships. There is no way around that. Funny thing happened last night. I went to a recording for Tom Hickey. Tom is dieing. He has brain tumors that will be his devistation in this human existence. More likely than not, he won't make it to my wedding. This group of people got together to record a "what you mean to me" cd that is to be sent to Tom before he dies so he has some concept of how many lives he has touched. Tom practiced spiritual principals with me. I had no where to live. My parents would have taken me, but it was a reality at the time they would have killed me. Everyone told them that they would not be a good place for me to live. I was very well evicted from where I was living. There was nothing left for me in Atlanta. I was slightly homeless. Tom said, you can come and stay in my home. You can come here and get your life on track. So I went. He asked me to respect 15 rules. I respected one. The one that was most important: don't drink. The rest of them, yeah, I wasn't capable of following. Tom gave me the opportunity to find a God of my own understanding. Tom gave me a chance to meet a mentor. Tom gave me a chance to meet my best friend. That is what I talked about. I am not worried about Tom. God will take care of Tom, just like He took care of my grandmother and just like He takes care of Curley and Milton. I know that God will take care of me too when I get to that stage of my life just like God takes care of me today in this stage of my life. The only proof I have are my experiences. Megan is part of my experience. Tom introduced me to Megan. She is my best friend and someone I have had a relationship with since before my first plant. She was there before the men. She was there before the women. She was the person who was so excited that I was going to move into Tom's house when all I could think was that my life had just ended at age 24. I didn't feel fine then, but I feel better that fine today. Thank you for the opportunity Tom. See you soon.

Anyone seen my week?

My Mom would say that it is under my bed. That was her solution for everything when I was growing up. Meg, John & Sherry went out of town. I felt abandoned and alone last week. I was able to submerge myself in movies. Green St. Hooligans is great. Unfortunate casting for the American, but otherwise great. Mary Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing & Charm School is heartwrenching and great. Everything else was bland or wierd. I went to Carter's softball game on Friday night and was pleasantly surprised at the fun I had.

When John got back on Saturday, I didn't think that I was going to get to him fast enough. I didn't know that I was going to miss him that much, but I did. Meg got back yesterday and am anxious for her to call me back. Sherry won't be back until next Monday (sad) but she actually calls me from the beach. She got a new car. Her husband bought it for her and surprised her by driving it down to her on vacation.

John and I registered at Macy's. No where else only Macy's. It took everything out of us to go and then we were asked well where else are you going to register...ugh. Nope. John thought it was an odd phenomena. When you think about it, it is pretty weird. It is like making a list for Santa Claus. I made a list for Christmas presents a year or two ago and everyone thought I was being bold, but getting married---ya gotta get registered. FYI: There are 35 items over $150. There are over 150 under $150. (Yeah there is one that is a total wish, but hey? what is a wish list for?) There were lots of things we didn't register for because we don't drink. We found glasses that were specifically for sweet tea. I thought that was funny. I also found a way cool bud vase that to be frank is the only thing that I WANTED as opposed to wanted. (can you tell the difference?)We still have to register our china and our sterling because none of it was in the store. John had much more fun than I did. I don't know that he has ever made a wish list for Santa. If you want to check it out it is under Rachel Green & John Kahle. The coolest part is for every gift purchased, 10% goes on a gift card for us to spend later. COOL. That way we can come in and get whatever is still out there (i.e. a butter dish or forks or the really cool coffee maker).

On a side note: I also bought 5 items at the Gap for $38.85. Woohoo. It is hard to get me in a shopping vicinity and not buy things.

Hanging out with Sherry's animals for the week. They are really mad at Sherry for leaving them. The cats are hysterical. They cry just to cry and sprint from one end of the house to ther other. The dogs just lay there. They were up for fun though this morning at 6 am (yeah, I get to sleep an extra hour guys). Out they went. I was amazed at the energy with which they went running around at that hour of the morning. They will be my new best friends for the next week. Them and more movies. Although, at Sherry's house you do get one channel. Craig (Sherry's hubby) has the coolest car cleaning stuff that he said I could use so I might do that tonight.

I feel lost because I missed last week.

You are a Social Liberal (71% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (25% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on href='http://www.okcupid.com'>Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I got rhythm, I got music, I got my gal....

Shopping is such a good remedy for stress. I didn't know that I was going shopping yesterday, but I ended up going shopping. I didn't know I was going shopping for myself yesterday, but I ended up going shopping for myself. It started as an expedition to get John a shooting shirt for his big hunting trip in Argentina next week. He needed a new shirt and those silk long underwear that the lady at the hunting store called underarmor. I am not sure that it is real armour, although I would love for John to have on armor at all times when handling weapons, but none the less that is its name. We are going to the Bass Pro Shop today because we never found the underarmor. Just as a suggestion, if anyone ever wants to get something very masqueline for any gift, go to one od these stores. I have never seen so much testosterone in one place and in so many consumer gift ideas. At that point we were off to Mori Luggage and gifts for a passport thing that you wear under the clothing. Yeah, Mori luggage and gifts was at the outlet mall! Hurray! I went into Liz Clairborne...good style, but nothing was quite the right colors. Went into Antenedidni Vensidneidsi (yeah that's me and my italian), but everything was $200 and up in an OUTLET mall. BIG SIGN. From there I stumbled into Coldwater Creek...not quite forty yet. FINALLY Jones New York. I couldn't stop picking things up. They had all kinds of things in my signature color (for those of you who are wondering, that would be a baby or powder blue, it matches my eyes. If I could have a wedding dress in that color, I would, however Queen Victoria set the standard to be white so I am wearing white.) Yes. I spent money. Yes I still have enough to put in my savings account and buy other assundried things for my life. Yes I want to wear all the items I bought at one time. No they do not match if I wear them all at the same time and it being 97 degrees outside, makes it a bit warm. By the time I was done shopping, I was tickled to find I was completely de-stressed and back to my faith holding, God is going to take care of me, care free self. John and I ate at the Attic and while I waited in line, John went to meet a new possible tenant for one of the properties he managed and I was able to tackle the great questionarre herself Mrs. Kahle's letter. There were a total of fifteen questions that I answered from her most recent letter in twelve of them. I used my way so cool stationary I bought in NH that is WW officianado. The ladies at the restarant were stunned and amazed to find out how long the letter was. From there it was off to the Pirates of the Carribean (John's favorite movie ever and tickled that there was a new one), which was great fun. I love Disney. They are one of the few places that make dreams come true. Do you remember the Swiss Family Robinson house? It was ingenious. That is the way the stunts and coordination of the events went in this movie. I had no idea I was in the theater for two hours and forty minutes until I got out an looked at a clock. My favorite is the sword play on the wheel while the chest is being stolen by two pirates chased by Elizabeth crossing the wheel going in the opposite direction only to find the evil pirates to show up. Such a wonderful huh?what?oh no! Run! scene. Go Disney Go. I will see it again and I will buy the trilogy on DVD.

Today I woke up in such a refreshed feeling, knowing there was nothing to do. I put on my new powder blue clam diggers and one of my new shirts. I look forward to a sweetwater coffe in a short while along with a good book and perhaps another movie that I have rented back at the homestead. Tomorrow, church, breakfast with the boys and Carter's play. Who could ask for anything more?

TGIF

Today I actually get an afternoon off AND an evening off. I have had to work two different evenings this past week and a super early morning meeting which means that I have hit my limit on working. About five years ago I passed out on the job due to working so much. It was suggested that I not work over forty hours any more by a therapist and a medical doctor. I have worked about sixty hours this week if I stay until five. I am not willing to stay until five. I have a package at the post office that is too large for my box and a Sweetwater coffee that is calling my name.

My Mom tells me all the time that I am adopted because of the wierd things I have started eating. People have always told me that when I grow up my taste buds would change. Mom didn't know that I would change to obscure instead of normal. Things that make me adopted: horse radish, artichoke hearts, sushi, saurkraut, pelligrino, tuna tar-tar, hummus & pita bread. I am sure there will be more as life goes on. Today I am going to have a double shot of espresso with french vanilla and mocha flavoring and steamed milk. That one should be on the list for adoption, guess is Mom & Dad have never had a double mocha or a caramel macchiato.

hard days night

Sometimes I think that phrase is a result of not knowing whether it is day or night. That is the way I feel today. I am into my third day for eating differently so that I will no longer be hinged with food. I am also without a day of my weekend as a result of too much work. I have been drinking two liters of day which makes me pee everytime I turn around. It can be very impairing when I am in a meeting. I have also started a new medication. I know that I am getting 8 hours of sleep, but for some reason, my body is shot. My job has become one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Challenge is better than no challenge though. All of these things wrapped up with a big bow make me whoozy.

This morning I couldn't remember what day it was. On Thursdays, I wear khaki pants. I thought it was Thursday. I had no way of knowing it was Wednesday. I was out of it.

I did take care of myself though, but instead of getting that power packed punch that comes from saying prayers and meditations, I was just going through the motions blindly. My head is here, my heart is not.

Once in a life time my friend:

Maybe Carter has been saying this a lot, but this year, this day, I find it to be true. This day is a day of work, play and amazement. Hopefully, I won't have to have this day again. I know some folks who have had this day twice, it must suck. I only want it once.

Today is my birthday. In my world, it is my birthday. I am six. I have not had a drink in six years. It is stupifying to think that this would be possible. I didn't think that I could.

Six years ago, I can remember calling someone. I remember crying. I remember not understanding. I remember being so afraid. I can remember her telling me to go to a hospital. She said she would call me a cab. I remember getting in the cab and worrying about that dog that Mom and Dad gave me, but knowing that I had to do what the woman told me to do so I got in the cab. I remember waking up in the hospital and it was dark. I remember crying and having something strang on my hand and being very cold. I was terrified. I was alone. I didn't understand what was happening so I did the only thing I could think of, sleep. I woke up again when this woman came into the room, she asked me questions. The key question that made her stop asking questions was: do you ever drink and drive? I responded: how else am I supposed to get home from the bar. (There were expletives in that phrase that I am leaving out because I was incapable of not using expletives as much as I was of not drinking.) She said, okay. I went back to sleep. I remember needing to smoke so badly that my hair hurt. There was a Dekalb Police Officer that had to go with me to escort me to have a cigarette. There was a Dekalb Sherriff who took me to the Dekalb Crisis Center. At the Center, they went through everything I owned. They took somethings away from me. They took some things from me and put them in a safe. They made me wait. They told me that I could call someone if I wanted to, but I couldn't think. I couldn't stop crying. I was so confused. I didn't know why I was there or what was going to happen next. I was so scared. I called my girlfriend finally, I could remember her number. It was aweful. I started needing a drink before they had processed me. I started shaking. I couldn't hold the papers they had given me. They said a doctor would see me in a minute. I couldn't stop shaking. I needed a drink. She came in, she gave me a shot and a pill and drew blood. She asked me more question. I was so tired. So tired. I couldn't stop crying. Please let me sleep. I slept. My first 24 hours without a drink.

Today: I woke up after hitting the alarm for almost an hour. I rolled out of bed onto my knees. I said, "Bless me Lord, Bless me indeed, Bless me a lot, enlarge my territory, lay your hand upon me that I may not cause harm, let me do thy will; God, please remove this obssession and compulsion to drink. God, please remove this obssession and compulsion to smoke. God, give me the desire to be sober and smoke free and be healthy today. Amen" I did my inventory. I did my meditation. I got ready for work. I went to work. I have been to meetings, eaten healthy. Talked to my girlfriend who is on her fourth day of not smoking (which I found equally as painful as not drinking except there are no drugs to help you down off of it or nut wards to lock you up in while you are coming down, it is CRAZY aweful: Go Meg Go). I haven't even thought about a drink today.

Once in a lifetime, my friend.