one club
pass
two clubs
pass
five clubs
pass
pass
pass
clubs it is
Man, I had no idea how confusing learning to play bridge really is. The whole idea
behind the bidding is like a second language. In all reality when say two no trumps, I am saying have twenty points!! It's crosstalk in another language. I have played against cross talk for so long that I am having to re-learn how to talk. It's aweful. My partner is trying to tell me to play clubs and I am saying I have a hand full of Aces. I did pretty well last night though I came in fourth place. First place was 2600 points. Second was a tie at 2540 and I was fourth with 2400. I had some really good partners who forced me to bid and play. I only went down once. That's pretty good, all things considered. The other cool thing was that I had a friend join this week. He is pretty good at the whole bridge thing and appropriately his nick name is Deck. He is also a genius if you ask me. He reminds me of my brother except that he's not. We had a good time last night. All the old ladies just coo-ed over him because he is young and already knew how to play.
My aerobics instructor is so awesome. Her name is Barbra and she is beautiful, teaches aerobics, cheerleading, has two kids and is engaged on her second marriage to a dutiful city official, not to mention keeps three homes and is renovating one of them all on her own. Can you imagine doing all that and being beautiful to boot? I think I want to grow up to be like her.....or at least my perception of her. Although instead of coaching cheerleading, I would rather be a swim coach or something. Maybe a little kids piano teacher like my mom. I can only keep up with her about seventy percent of the time. The rest of the time I am lost in routine or getting water or stumbling because I am so tired.
Mondays are so packed for me. I like it though. It makes me feel really alive when I go and do so much. The only thing is usually Tuesdays are kind of a catch up day, but tonight I have a turkey dinner to go to so I will be out on the town again tonight. Tonight is one of my favorite events because it is like a kick off for football season, but instead it is the kick off for the holidays and I am all about the holidays. I am slowly but surely booking dates up in December. More likely than not there won't be a whole lot of room for much other than enjoying the love and laughter of friends. ahh........if you haven't got a hay-penny then God Bless You!
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Monday, November 24, 2003
This is the most fun.......
So since I went off the deep end and attended a GOP dinner, I had to counter balance my internal scale. Saturday night I attended a home dinner party. The home was built on the largest blue crystal in the US. I got to hang out with a whole bunch of women who "loathed" W. It was funny too because someone said that they hated W and another woman mentioned that if you truly hate somehthing it will come back on you two-fold: I said, yeah Bush has twins. There were all kinds of vegetarian dishes and the theme for the evening was: what animal guides your spirit. I almost burst into laughter when the power animal theme was brought up because it made me think of Fight Club and the guided meditation group. This bunch of women were so out there. They were unbelievably cool. It was much more my cup of tea than the elephants. We laughed and cryed. There were pictures and love. The stories shared and experience had were priceless. The women decided that we were all going to Key West for a week this summer. That would be cool. Twelve earthmuffins in Key West living it up........
Yes, in my heart I am an earthmuffin.
On Friday night I had a blast too. I went to another woman's house for an old fashioned spend the night party. When I told one of my co-workers about it, she thought I was crazy and said that she had been married for 14 years and had two kids, she didn't do things like that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that everywoman needs her girlfriends sometimes. Maybe she doesn't have any. That would be sad, not to have girlfriends. That was the whole premise as to why Devine Secrets sold so well is because everyone wants girlfriends like that: the kind that are there from when you are five until you are gone (which is also why it is fiction: hardly ever happens). I am very grateful for my girlfriends today. They make me laugh and cry. They love and I get to love them. They hold my hand through the rough and tumble and I get to be their shoulder for the sad and humble. (I wasn't sure I was going to be able to rhyme that, but it works.) Girls night in is always the best because we get to bare our souls and tell the most abominable secrets. Can't do that in front of a boy. Someone always ends up hooking up with the guy.
Sunday was tremendous. I went to here Dad's girls sing at the Presbyterian Church in Gainseville. It is sure is nice that he has a friend there, because then I get to see my folks more often. It was so funny because the first group sang and it was: yea they were good. Then the second group sang and it was: yea they were good too. The first two were college. The Patriot choir and the select women from NGC. The sang very pleasantly. The coolest was that the Patriot choir sang the song that coach taught to the Georgia Men's Glee Club and that brought up fun memories. Then Dad's girls got up and it was:................they are in highschool? HURRAY FOR PRETTY YOUNG WOMEN WHO CAN REALLY SING!!!!! Go McIntosh. Then after that everyone got a standing ovation because the audience felt the necessity to be polite. The church choir sang a really wierd piece that wasn't easy. I mentioned it to mom and she said something about the Minister being a sidekick of Dad's. Explains it. It sounded like a Dad song. Not very many people come up with the music Dad finds. He found a troll encantation for his girls to sing once. Other highschool women are singing Wind Beneath My Wings or the newest lullaby from Disney and Dad's girls are singing unpublished requiems. It's different. Then I went to meet with friends and talk about God. God is great. Especially when I let Him be. It makes life easier when I include God, because I get to have weekends like this past one.....and they are the most fun.
So since I went off the deep end and attended a GOP dinner, I had to counter balance my internal scale. Saturday night I attended a home dinner party. The home was built on the largest blue crystal in the US. I got to hang out with a whole bunch of women who "loathed" W. It was funny too because someone said that they hated W and another woman mentioned that if you truly hate somehthing it will come back on you two-fold: I said, yeah Bush has twins. There were all kinds of vegetarian dishes and the theme for the evening was: what animal guides your spirit. I almost burst into laughter when the power animal theme was brought up because it made me think of Fight Club and the guided meditation group. This bunch of women were so out there. They were unbelievably cool. It was much more my cup of tea than the elephants. We laughed and cryed. There were pictures and love. The stories shared and experience had were priceless. The women decided that we were all going to Key West for a week this summer. That would be cool. Twelve earthmuffins in Key West living it up........
Yes, in my heart I am an earthmuffin.
On Friday night I had a blast too. I went to another woman's house for an old fashioned spend the night party. When I told one of my co-workers about it, she thought I was crazy and said that she had been married for 14 years and had two kids, she didn't do things like that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that everywoman needs her girlfriends sometimes. Maybe she doesn't have any. That would be sad, not to have girlfriends. That was the whole premise as to why Devine Secrets sold so well is because everyone wants girlfriends like that: the kind that are there from when you are five until you are gone (which is also why it is fiction: hardly ever happens). I am very grateful for my girlfriends today. They make me laugh and cry. They love and I get to love them. They hold my hand through the rough and tumble and I get to be their shoulder for the sad and humble. (I wasn't sure I was going to be able to rhyme that, but it works.) Girls night in is always the best because we get to bare our souls and tell the most abominable secrets. Can't do that in front of a boy. Someone always ends up hooking up with the guy.
Sunday was tremendous. I went to here Dad's girls sing at the Presbyterian Church in Gainseville. It is sure is nice that he has a friend there, because then I get to see my folks more often. It was so funny because the first group sang and it was: yea they were good. Then the second group sang and it was: yea they were good too. The first two were college. The Patriot choir and the select women from NGC. The sang very pleasantly. The coolest was that the Patriot choir sang the song that coach taught to the Georgia Men's Glee Club and that brought up fun memories. Then Dad's girls got up and it was:................they are in highschool? HURRAY FOR PRETTY YOUNG WOMEN WHO CAN REALLY SING!!!!! Go McIntosh. Then after that everyone got a standing ovation because the audience felt the necessity to be polite. The church choir sang a really wierd piece that wasn't easy. I mentioned it to mom and she said something about the Minister being a sidekick of Dad's. Explains it. It sounded like a Dad song. Not very many people come up with the music Dad finds. He found a troll encantation for his girls to sing once. Other highschool women are singing Wind Beneath My Wings or the newest lullaby from Disney and Dad's girls are singing unpublished requiems. It's different. Then I went to meet with friends and talk about God. God is great. Especially when I let Him be. It makes life easier when I include God, because I get to have weekends like this past one.....and they are the most fun.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here,
While these visions did appear,
So I went and did a funny thing last night. I went to a republican party rally for Lumpkin County. Wierd. I felt like I was spying on the enemy in a Mission Impossible movie. It was so much fun. It turns out that my boyfriend had the tickets for two weeks and didn't tell me because he was afraid to ask me to go. There is nothing like politics to get the blood boiling and thoughts rolling around in my head. The keynote speaker was a very insightful political stategist: Dr. Ralph Reed. He was a tremendous speaker right up until he said 2000 and one. All I could think was, oh well, there is something wrong with everyone. There were only a few times that I thought I might throw up due to the disagreement factor going on in my head. Mostly, what I enjoyed was all the excitement that was in the air with all the people who came to listen and hurrah and go coocoo for cocoa puffs. It was really cool to see the expressed patriotism and the participation in our nation's inner workings first hand. Things like last night are things that you only see in the movies. They bashed Dr. Dean and hurrayed W. They also uplifted the local politicians too, which was really neat to see them. Up here in the mountains, if you don't know who the person is that is running for an office personally, you don't really get a look at them. I have actually only ever seen one politician in White County and that was only because the owner of the restaurant I worked for told me who the guy was, other wise I'd have just thought he was another customer. The politics in White County are a little more dixie mafia oriented than Lumpkin County, which makes elections a little more pre-set than usual. The republicans are running scared on the next gubenatorial election though. That was one thing that I don't think they realize: why there is a republican in the governor's seat. They see it is as much a fluke as Zell Miller acting republican. They quoted Zell, by the way, and I just laughed. Not loudly mind you. There is just something exciting about politics no matter what side of the fence someone sits. I don't know if it is the innate American characteristic or what, but there is something to standing up for what one believes. One of my favorite lines in regards to clear cut citizenship for this country is from "The American President" : "America, America is about advanced citizenship. You have to really want it. You have to be willing to sit and listen to a man who would stand shouting at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime to oppose. It is about have a flag to represent that freedom and also about burning that same flag in an effort to exercise that same right. You want a character debate Bob?....." Well from that point the speech goes into the movie. There used to be a disc jockey on the country station in Atlanta who used to be very adament about freedoms and would let someone on his show who would go off on a tyraid about something he specifically disagreed with for no other reason than to prove the point of freedom. I guess what is so intrigueing about all of it is the human emotion factor. I have seen a lot of sickness and grief and depression in my life, but it is rare that I have had the priveledge to experience emotional rushes like winning a football game or meeting a role model. I do remember going with my Dad down to the corner of Lakeshore and waving at the President as he drove out of the VFW in his limo and going to the rally in the middle of Decatur to shake the future President's hand. I also remember watching Denise Forrester carrying the Olympic torch through Avondale and passing it off to someone else before running it into the new stadium for the opening ceremonies. Those were rushes of excitement in emotion that if I could bottle and sell, I would be a millionaire. Maybe then I'd be republican too. Nah. Not enough money.
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here,
While these visions did appear,
So I went and did a funny thing last night. I went to a republican party rally for Lumpkin County. Wierd. I felt like I was spying on the enemy in a Mission Impossible movie. It was so much fun. It turns out that my boyfriend had the tickets for two weeks and didn't tell me because he was afraid to ask me to go. There is nothing like politics to get the blood boiling and thoughts rolling around in my head. The keynote speaker was a very insightful political stategist: Dr. Ralph Reed. He was a tremendous speaker right up until he said 2000 and one. All I could think was, oh well, there is something wrong with everyone. There were only a few times that I thought I might throw up due to the disagreement factor going on in my head. Mostly, what I enjoyed was all the excitement that was in the air with all the people who came to listen and hurrah and go coocoo for cocoa puffs. It was really cool to see the expressed patriotism and the participation in our nation's inner workings first hand. Things like last night are things that you only see in the movies. They bashed Dr. Dean and hurrayed W. They also uplifted the local politicians too, which was really neat to see them. Up here in the mountains, if you don't know who the person is that is running for an office personally, you don't really get a look at them. I have actually only ever seen one politician in White County and that was only because the owner of the restaurant I worked for told me who the guy was, other wise I'd have just thought he was another customer. The politics in White County are a little more dixie mafia oriented than Lumpkin County, which makes elections a little more pre-set than usual. The republicans are running scared on the next gubenatorial election though. That was one thing that I don't think they realize: why there is a republican in the governor's seat. They see it is as much a fluke as Zell Miller acting republican. They quoted Zell, by the way, and I just laughed. Not loudly mind you. There is just something exciting about politics no matter what side of the fence someone sits. I don't know if it is the innate American characteristic or what, but there is something to standing up for what one believes. One of my favorite lines in regards to clear cut citizenship for this country is from "The American President" : "America, America is about advanced citizenship. You have to really want it. You have to be willing to sit and listen to a man who would stand shouting at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime to oppose. It is about have a flag to represent that freedom and also about burning that same flag in an effort to exercise that same right. You want a character debate Bob?....." Well from that point the speech goes into the movie. There used to be a disc jockey on the country station in Atlanta who used to be very adament about freedoms and would let someone on his show who would go off on a tyraid about something he specifically disagreed with for no other reason than to prove the point of freedom. I guess what is so intrigueing about all of it is the human emotion factor. I have seen a lot of sickness and grief and depression in my life, but it is rare that I have had the priveledge to experience emotional rushes like winning a football game or meeting a role model. I do remember going with my Dad down to the corner of Lakeshore and waving at the President as he drove out of the VFW in his limo and going to the rally in the middle of Decatur to shake the future President's hand. I also remember watching Denise Forrester carrying the Olympic torch through Avondale and passing it off to someone else before running it into the new stadium for the opening ceremonies. Those were rushes of excitement in emotion that if I could bottle and sell, I would be a millionaire. Maybe then I'd be republican too. Nah. Not enough money.
Monday, November 17, 2003
From Sautee, where all the men are handsome, the women strong and the children above average.........
I am so excited. White County has won their very first football game of the year and it is their very last game of the season. Hurray!! They got one! I feel so at home, our football team never won. We didn't even beat Chamblee and they were the second worst in the county! White County would have beaten us. I also got a truckload of wood and lit a fire this weekend. It was awesome. There is nothing like a wood fire to make a small apartment feel homey. It was snuggle time with movies and books and blankets, hot chocolate and warm tea. I also went to see the last Matrix on the big screen in Buford. Wow, that was a ta da movie. Good luck to anyone who chooses to attempt to meet the bar that movie set with computer graphics, plot or confusion. The Matrix movies are a little heady, but they are increasingly good. I also spent a good deal of time quilting. I am, one day, going to finish this crazy little quilt. I think that I am being a little too obssesive about it, but whatever, I am quilting. I am not pieceing or layering, I am quilting. Finally, I am almost done. I figure by the end of the week I will be good to go. I also got to go out with friends on Saturday night. That was nice. We went to the Nacoochee Grill. I had my favorite dessert while others had dinner. It is a blondie heated with chocolate syrup and no ice cream. I don't normally order complicated items, but I used to work there and it is hard not to order what you want when you know they have got it and is not that difficult to make. Knowing too much sometimes comes with complication. Ignorance makes for simplicity. We had a good waitress though and that makes a difference. That is all from this side of the valley. Toodaloo.
I am so excited. White County has won their very first football game of the year and it is their very last game of the season. Hurray!! They got one! I feel so at home, our football team never won. We didn't even beat Chamblee and they were the second worst in the county! White County would have beaten us. I also got a truckload of wood and lit a fire this weekend. It was awesome. There is nothing like a wood fire to make a small apartment feel homey. It was snuggle time with movies and books and blankets, hot chocolate and warm tea. I also went to see the last Matrix on the big screen in Buford. Wow, that was a ta da movie. Good luck to anyone who chooses to attempt to meet the bar that movie set with computer graphics, plot or confusion. The Matrix movies are a little heady, but they are increasingly good. I also spent a good deal of time quilting. I am, one day, going to finish this crazy little quilt. I think that I am being a little too obssesive about it, but whatever, I am quilting. I am not pieceing or layering, I am quilting. Finally, I am almost done. I figure by the end of the week I will be good to go. I also got to go out with friends on Saturday night. That was nice. We went to the Nacoochee Grill. I had my favorite dessert while others had dinner. It is a blondie heated with chocolate syrup and no ice cream. I don't normally order complicated items, but I used to work there and it is hard not to order what you want when you know they have got it and is not that difficult to make. Knowing too much sometimes comes with complication. Ignorance makes for simplicity. We had a good waitress though and that makes a difference. That is all from this side of the valley. Toodaloo.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
¿Que es su nombre?
So a last minute squeeze play was pulled on me today by a co-worker who figured out I could speak español! Trying to speak medicine and spanish is really complicated. Thank goodness for the internet. There is a terrific on-line dictionary and translator(for when I really got stuck). Who knew that Spanish would ever come in handy. What is really strange is for the amount of schooling I have had, I can't speak a lick unless put in a position where I have no other choice. Then it is like magic. My tongue gets going and my mind quits thinking and then íHablo español! It's amazing how that works. The only other time my Spanish ever really came in handy was in the kitchen at OutBack. The men on the back line were all Hispanic and they'd stop talking when I came around, because they knew I understood them. They also would do anything I asked them because I spoke to them in their language. People thought I was crazy, which they are right, but it was an efficient tool when you need a thunder on the fly. Yeah, spanish and restaurant was just as strange as medicine and spanish. I am very grateful I didn't have to use button factory and spanish!! Ugh! What a confusion that would be! I guess six years of schooling paid off in a little bit of education. I have been told that education is the memory tank you are left with after you leave the learning environment. I guess that means that I am spanish educated because I remember bits of it. I really get a kick out of the fact that my mom learned her numbers in spanish from Maria on Seasame Street! Go Mom! For me, I like best when my brain switches into overdrive and the spanish mode takes over. It is like shifting gears. Amazing how this crazy think tank attached to my shoulder works sometimes.
So a last minute squeeze play was pulled on me today by a co-worker who figured out I could speak español! Trying to speak medicine and spanish is really complicated. Thank goodness for the internet. There is a terrific on-line dictionary and translator(for when I really got stuck). Who knew that Spanish would ever come in handy. What is really strange is for the amount of schooling I have had, I can't speak a lick unless put in a position where I have no other choice. Then it is like magic. My tongue gets going and my mind quits thinking and then íHablo español! It's amazing how that works. The only other time my Spanish ever really came in handy was in the kitchen at OutBack. The men on the back line were all Hispanic and they'd stop talking when I came around, because they knew I understood them. They also would do anything I asked them because I spoke to them in their language. People thought I was crazy, which they are right, but it was an efficient tool when you need a thunder on the fly. Yeah, spanish and restaurant was just as strange as medicine and spanish. I am very grateful I didn't have to use button factory and spanish!! Ugh! What a confusion that would be! I guess six years of schooling paid off in a little bit of education. I have been told that education is the memory tank you are left with after you leave the learning environment. I guess that means that I am spanish educated because I remember bits of it. I really get a kick out of the fact that my mom learned her numbers in spanish from Maria on Seasame Street! Go Mom! For me, I like best when my brain switches into overdrive and the spanish mode takes over. It is like shifting gears. Amazing how this crazy think tank attached to my shoulder works sometimes.
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Guys, we haven't slept in three years. Don't you think we could take a break for one night and enjoy each other?
Oh yeah, it's Christmas!
It's Christmas?
Yeah, didn't you get the memo?
Something I don't think that people who live in a two million person city (or five million, whatever) realize is that I am not used to being surrounded with a whole lot of people because I am here in the middle of the mountains. Generally speaking, that is one of the main reasons I live here: peace and quiet. There are only a few things up here that attract a few hundred people at one locale: a) the Habersham County revival at the highschool (or White County and it is at the stadiums in the highschools because these are the only facilities large enough to sustain a crowd that size) or b) Walmart. Now, I am not a very big Walmart fan unless it is two o'clock in the morning when no one is there. See, Walmart is dangerous in the mass confusion of a) bunch of people who don't typically have any driving experience with traffic b) consumption overdrives c) basic turmoil of any situation when combined with children under the age of five and seeing as White County has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the state, you can imagine the amount of children with children this incurs. Now, I was sent on a mission yesterday to Walmart. It was the middle of the day for work and I figure it probably wouldn't be that bad--nothing can be as bad as Saturdays. Well, wrong again. The place was packed. I am not sure exactly what was happening, but there were a gozillion people there. It wasn't pay day, it was Monday at almost two o'clock in the afternoon. I was looking for those ever so delightful stackable crates. Something of note as well is that the Walmart that is available to me is slowly being processed into a super Walmart and this means that things are pretty topsy turvy on the inside. Once I found the container section, which had been moved, I went on the hunt. After wandering around for ten minutes, I finally found a wonderful Walmart person who informed me (I will give Walmart this: their personnel is awesome. They are always kind and smiling.) that they don't carry the stackable crates except during the back to school season and this was the Christmas season..................WHAT? I thought that I was supposed to be prepping for Thanksgiving not Christmas! All the sudden I looked around and the Walmart smelled of cinnimon and pine and there were wreaths and red candles out and about. There were tunes on their instore TVs that were jingling. I couldn't believe it! Santa didn't even make it down to the Macy's star yet and Christmas was already in Walmart! Now, don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year because of the music and family, food and fun! All I want to know is............................why didn't someone send me a memo?
Oh yeah, it's Christmas!
It's Christmas?
Yeah, didn't you get the memo?
Something I don't think that people who live in a two million person city (or five million, whatever) realize is that I am not used to being surrounded with a whole lot of people because I am here in the middle of the mountains. Generally speaking, that is one of the main reasons I live here: peace and quiet. There are only a few things up here that attract a few hundred people at one locale: a) the Habersham County revival at the highschool (or White County and it is at the stadiums in the highschools because these are the only facilities large enough to sustain a crowd that size) or b) Walmart. Now, I am not a very big Walmart fan unless it is two o'clock in the morning when no one is there. See, Walmart is dangerous in the mass confusion of a) bunch of people who don't typically have any driving experience with traffic b) consumption overdrives c) basic turmoil of any situation when combined with children under the age of five and seeing as White County has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the state, you can imagine the amount of children with children this incurs. Now, I was sent on a mission yesterday to Walmart. It was the middle of the day for work and I figure it probably wouldn't be that bad--nothing can be as bad as Saturdays. Well, wrong again. The place was packed. I am not sure exactly what was happening, but there were a gozillion people there. It wasn't pay day, it was Monday at almost two o'clock in the afternoon. I was looking for those ever so delightful stackable crates. Something of note as well is that the Walmart that is available to me is slowly being processed into a super Walmart and this means that things are pretty topsy turvy on the inside. Once I found the container section, which had been moved, I went on the hunt. After wandering around for ten minutes, I finally found a wonderful Walmart person who informed me (I will give Walmart this: their personnel is awesome. They are always kind and smiling.) that they don't carry the stackable crates except during the back to school season and this was the Christmas season..................WHAT? I thought that I was supposed to be prepping for Thanksgiving not Christmas! All the sudden I looked around and the Walmart smelled of cinnimon and pine and there were wreaths and red candles out and about. There were tunes on their instore TVs that were jingling. I couldn't believe it! Santa didn't even make it down to the Macy's star yet and Christmas was already in Walmart! Now, don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year because of the music and family, food and fun! All I want to know is............................why didn't someone send me a memo?
Monday, November 10, 2003
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
So I got a very disturbing phone call yesterday saying that one of the reasons I am not emotionally doing well is due to the baggage I am toting. Who knew? Yes, I have been carrying around a few pieces of luggage, but I thought they were carry on size and it turns out they are breaking my back. This was the whole reasoning behind the finding out what I want that began last week. Turns out, I won't know until I unpack/unload. Just the same, some of my desires are already occuring, which is a good thing.
I got to hang out with several different girlfriend last week. I began quilting the piece top I've been working on for a baby blanket for another girlfriend (well her baby, not her). I watched all kinds of movies. I had a spectacular cleaning day on Saturday. My apartment in so nice and so clean, clean. I also purchased I three piece living room set. I got a couch, love seat and chair. They moved in on Saturday too. Saturday was a busy day for me. I cleaned, moved furniture, spent time with John and went out with a girlfriend for dinner, not to mention meeting with friends to talk about God. All that in one day. It was awesome. Sunday was spent in front of a movie screen and I really wasn't watching, mostly I was just quilting. Sunday night I was on the phone with friends for a good portion of it. I unloaded some of the baggage too and that helped a lot. Then I spent more time on the phone in the dark with all my candles lit, so it wasn't really dark, sipping tea and hot cocoa. Then I just prayed for a while. There is something about candles and prayer. I know it is a Catholic thing, but I am not Catholic. For me it is a soothing thing. These are all different things that were on my desires list. It was as though the weekend was never going to end or maybe just my desires won't.
The straigtening out phone call was totally worth the effort--straightening out means that there are exhausting emotions envolved and usually crying, which this one did, and begining to breath. It is almost a cathartic. Today, I feel a little better and by tomorrow I expect to be flying high again. Hopefully, tonight after the gym I will get to play bridge. I have never done it before, but there is a game night up at the center that I want to participate in tonight. Just another desire. They say a desire is a prayer, maybe that means I have one.
Of a phone call and of what you said
So I got a very disturbing phone call yesterday saying that one of the reasons I am not emotionally doing well is due to the baggage I am toting. Who knew? Yes, I have been carrying around a few pieces of luggage, but I thought they were carry on size and it turns out they are breaking my back. This was the whole reasoning behind the finding out what I want that began last week. Turns out, I won't know until I unpack/unload. Just the same, some of my desires are already occuring, which is a good thing.
I got to hang out with several different girlfriend last week. I began quilting the piece top I've been working on for a baby blanket for another girlfriend (well her baby, not her). I watched all kinds of movies. I had a spectacular cleaning day on Saturday. My apartment in so nice and so clean, clean. I also purchased I three piece living room set. I got a couch, love seat and chair. They moved in on Saturday too. Saturday was a busy day for me. I cleaned, moved furniture, spent time with John and went out with a girlfriend for dinner, not to mention meeting with friends to talk about God. All that in one day. It was awesome. Sunday was spent in front of a movie screen and I really wasn't watching, mostly I was just quilting. Sunday night I was on the phone with friends for a good portion of it. I unloaded some of the baggage too and that helped a lot. Then I spent more time on the phone in the dark with all my candles lit, so it wasn't really dark, sipping tea and hot cocoa. Then I just prayed for a while. There is something about candles and prayer. I know it is a Catholic thing, but I am not Catholic. For me it is a soothing thing. These are all different things that were on my desires list. It was as though the weekend was never going to end or maybe just my desires won't.
The straigtening out phone call was totally worth the effort--straightening out means that there are exhausting emotions envolved and usually crying, which this one did, and begining to breath. It is almost a cathartic. Today, I feel a little better and by tomorrow I expect to be flying high again. Hopefully, tonight after the gym I will get to play bridge. I have never done it before, but there is a game night up at the center that I want to participate in tonight. Just another desire. They say a desire is a prayer, maybe that means I have one.
Friday, November 07, 2003
Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles,
the frozen smiles to chase love away.
So I have tried to post this blog three times now and have been unsuccessful. I think maybe I wasn't supposed to post that topic so I am going to switch topics. I have seen some strange movies here in the last week and I finally got to one I really liked. Strangely enough, it was Legally Blonde 2. That is how weird the other movies were. Of course, I am also a girl who likes warm fuzzie movies. The thing I really like about the Blonde movies is that they are really about a woman, about my age, with an overzealous, positive attitude who runs into troubles and still comes out on top via discovering herself. Discovering the self is what I am all about. Lately, I have definitely been discovering. At work, on my fancy new computer, I have been able to listen to whatever I want to as far as music is concerned, so I have been listening to the Broadway channel and today I am listening to classical out of Seattle. My desires list is complete too. I mean, well not complete, but .......well complete sounds too finite, maybe written, no........has begun. I like that. I have begun my desires list. It is nice and long and Michelle tells me to do one a week if I can for however long. I will be quite a busy gal. I think one of the many things that I want to do is to take a trip on my own. Perhaps to see relatives all over the country or something. I have people in Washington DC and people in California. Maybe it is time for an excusion. I am very excited because I have a bowling date with the women on Saturday, which is one of the things on my list. Tonight is super cleaning night. I am going to over haul the apartment. I will probably watch movies too. I have to be prepared, now that it is slowly but surely getting cold, to clean now because critters will try to come in and harbor warmth in my home otherwise. No critters thank you. You know the one thing I found quite humorous about Elle in the new Blonde is that she becomes more and more a hippy the longer the movie rolls on. That was a very cute touch in the film. That is one of the reasons I like living in Sautee is because it is known for its hippies. I wouldn't mind being like Elle, as long as I don't have to go to law school. Independence is so hard to find with out walking right into the face of loneliness. Understanding that faith with in myself is a faith with in God is.............hard. Wouldn't it be great if life's truths were able to reveil themselves just like the movies in that nice comfortable 100 minute span? I wish.
the frozen smiles to chase love away.
So I have tried to post this blog three times now and have been unsuccessful. I think maybe I wasn't supposed to post that topic so I am going to switch topics. I have seen some strange movies here in the last week and I finally got to one I really liked. Strangely enough, it was Legally Blonde 2. That is how weird the other movies were. Of course, I am also a girl who likes warm fuzzie movies. The thing I really like about the Blonde movies is that they are really about a woman, about my age, with an overzealous, positive attitude who runs into troubles and still comes out on top via discovering herself. Discovering the self is what I am all about. Lately, I have definitely been discovering. At work, on my fancy new computer, I have been able to listen to whatever I want to as far as music is concerned, so I have been listening to the Broadway channel and today I am listening to classical out of Seattle. My desires list is complete too. I mean, well not complete, but .......well complete sounds too finite, maybe written, no........has begun. I like that. I have begun my desires list. It is nice and long and Michelle tells me to do one a week if I can for however long. I will be quite a busy gal. I think one of the many things that I want to do is to take a trip on my own. Perhaps to see relatives all over the country or something. I have people in Washington DC and people in California. Maybe it is time for an excusion. I am very excited because I have a bowling date with the women on Saturday, which is one of the things on my list. Tonight is super cleaning night. I am going to over haul the apartment. I will probably watch movies too. I have to be prepared, now that it is slowly but surely getting cold, to clean now because critters will try to come in and harbor warmth in my home otherwise. No critters thank you. You know the one thing I found quite humorous about Elle in the new Blonde is that she becomes more and more a hippy the longer the movie rolls on. That was a very cute touch in the film. That is one of the reasons I like living in Sautee is because it is known for its hippies. I wouldn't mind being like Elle, as long as I don't have to go to law school. Independence is so hard to find with out walking right into the face of loneliness. Understanding that faith with in myself is a faith with in God is.............hard. Wouldn't it be great if life's truths were able to reveil themselves just like the movies in that nice comfortable 100 minute span? I wish.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Santa Fe
Are you there?
Do you swear you won't forget me?
If I found you would you let me come and stay?
I ain't gettin' any younger
And before my dyin' day
I want space
Not just air
Let 'em laugh in my face
I don't care
Save a place
I'll be there
Dreams are so much fun but can be so overwhelming when I am asked on the spot what they are. I found one thing that I want. I want the Newsies DVD. I also still have the house and dog thing kicking. You know after all that heartache and feeling socially inept? I had three women call me and I called two women, one of which I spent thirty minutes on the phone with and the other with whom I spent about three or four hours with on her back porch. I don't think there is much wrong with my socialization when I excercise it. So I was super grateful to spend time with my girlfriend last night just talking on her back porch and drinking coffee. She is so comforting to just be around. Whenever I start thinking I don't have any girlfriends, I realize mostly that it is not that I don't have any, I am just not calling the right ones. Golly, four women calling me or talking to me in one day. I think the planets must be coming into alignment or something. I think that I am going to get a phish......fish. Maybe something that doesn't live too long so I won't get emotionally attached. We used to have fish when I was growing up. The tank was BIG. Or at least to me it was big. It was in the den on the opposite wall of the piano. We had a good stash of them until we got a jack dempsy for 99 cents and now we know why he was 99 cents. He ate ALL the other fish!! Even the silver dollars that were the size of my palm. We'd had the silver dollars for about three years or something. Dad took it back. He was a mean little guy. Fish. This sounds like a good investment of my time as well as a good excuse as to why I should go home at least once a day. It would help ground me in my home and keep me focused on who I am and what I want. I guess I want a fish.............................that's not nearly as romantic as going to Sante Fe. Coffee is more romantic that fish. I know I want coffee. Good coffee. It is the only thing I have left on my grocery list, but I have to go see Eric and Anna. I am going to treat myself to their coffee and maybe spend a Saturday on the porch. I know I want that. Coffee and friends. You betcha. Fish-maybe.
Are you there?
Do you swear you won't forget me?
If I found you would you let me come and stay?
I ain't gettin' any younger
And before my dyin' day
I want space
Not just air
Let 'em laugh in my face
I don't care
Save a place
I'll be there
Dreams are so much fun but can be so overwhelming when I am asked on the spot what they are. I found one thing that I want. I want the Newsies DVD. I also still have the house and dog thing kicking. You know after all that heartache and feeling socially inept? I had three women call me and I called two women, one of which I spent thirty minutes on the phone with and the other with whom I spent about three or four hours with on her back porch. I don't think there is much wrong with my socialization when I excercise it. So I was super grateful to spend time with my girlfriend last night just talking on her back porch and drinking coffee. She is so comforting to just be around. Whenever I start thinking I don't have any girlfriends, I realize mostly that it is not that I don't have any, I am just not calling the right ones. Golly, four women calling me or talking to me in one day. I think the planets must be coming into alignment or something. I think that I am going to get a phish......fish. Maybe something that doesn't live too long so I won't get emotionally attached. We used to have fish when I was growing up. The tank was BIG. Or at least to me it was big. It was in the den on the opposite wall of the piano. We had a good stash of them until we got a jack dempsy for 99 cents and now we know why he was 99 cents. He ate ALL the other fish!! Even the silver dollars that were the size of my palm. We'd had the silver dollars for about three years or something. Dad took it back. He was a mean little guy. Fish. This sounds like a good investment of my time as well as a good excuse as to why I should go home at least once a day. It would help ground me in my home and keep me focused on who I am and what I want. I guess I want a fish.............................that's not nearly as romantic as going to Sante Fe. Coffee is more romantic that fish. I know I want coffee. Good coffee. It is the only thing I have left on my grocery list, but I have to go see Eric and Anna. I am going to treat myself to their coffee and maybe spend a Saturday on the porch. I know I want that. Coffee and friends. You betcha. Fish-maybe.
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Get a life?
Who knew that I would have to grow up AND get a life. This is not a very easy comprehension for me. I mean I thought being grown up means having a life that was preinstalled or something. Turns out I suffer from isms and it turns out that my life went from routine to way too much routine (I can't imagine what life is like with out the phrase way too much, but I understand it is supposedly a better way of life). I OD-ed on going to meet with friends and talking about God. I am doing so much talking that I haven't done any living. Now I am a wreck....or as some people say my life has become unmanagable, but that is too big of a phrase for ME to admit to! I am to a point where I am not socializing well, can you imagine me not being social? This is a major effect for me. The more syndrome has gotten me into more trouble. So this evening I am going to chill out at the apartment and spend sometime cleaning and (of course) watching movies. Then I am not going to do any talking until Wednesday and Saturday. Weird. I am supposed to make a list of my desires for me. What do I want? How am I supposed to know? I am just excited that my bills aren't missing a beat. Know what I want too? I know I want a house and a dog--yorkshire terrier. But other than that? Who knows? So, I have to get a life to find out what it is that I want for me. I realize that most of the world knows what they want, but I have never known what I wanted. I thought at one point in time, I think I was in sixth grade, that I wanted to be a lawyer. Now you couldn't pay me for that wish--except maybe the income. The only thing that came out of that desire was that I argued with my folks for the next four years. What do I want? Ugh. When someone knows, will they let me know? I guess I will find out in the excercises I am supposed to do in the next several weeks. As soon as I know, I will let you know!
Who knew that I would have to grow up AND get a life. This is not a very easy comprehension for me. I mean I thought being grown up means having a life that was preinstalled or something. Turns out I suffer from isms and it turns out that my life went from routine to way too much routine (I can't imagine what life is like with out the phrase way too much, but I understand it is supposedly a better way of life). I OD-ed on going to meet with friends and talking about God. I am doing so much talking that I haven't done any living. Now I am a wreck....or as some people say my life has become unmanagable, but that is too big of a phrase for ME to admit to! I am to a point where I am not socializing well, can you imagine me not being social? This is a major effect for me. The more syndrome has gotten me into more trouble. So this evening I am going to chill out at the apartment and spend sometime cleaning and (of course) watching movies. Then I am not going to do any talking until Wednesday and Saturday. Weird. I am supposed to make a list of my desires for me. What do I want? How am I supposed to know? I am just excited that my bills aren't missing a beat. Know what I want too? I know I want a house and a dog--yorkshire terrier. But other than that? Who knows? So, I have to get a life to find out what it is that I want for me. I realize that most of the world knows what they want, but I have never known what I wanted. I thought at one point in time, I think I was in sixth grade, that I wanted to be a lawyer. Now you couldn't pay me for that wish--except maybe the income. The only thing that came out of that desire was that I argued with my folks for the next four years. What do I want? Ugh. When someone knows, will they let me know? I guess I will find out in the excercises I am supposed to do in the next several weeks. As soon as I know, I will let you know!
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