I don’t need diamond sun bursts or marble halls to make me happy…….
All I need is the evening after it rains. It’s as if God gives me my very own planetarium to watch. John has a sun roof on the Camry and on Tuesdays we drive down to Homer together to meet with friends. The drive is always a good one because it is a new highway and generally, there are no lights to speak of except a gas station. John cranks the music up and I just watch. It’s so clear outside that you can see each sister in the sisters fate. Venus shines through in all her glory on the horizon and the moon turns up the brilliance even though it is only at half moon. I could rest with my head on the seat turned up forever. It feels like for just an instant that the world is perfect. Then in the following morning, yet another natural phenom begins: morning frost. It touches everything. It is not the hoar’s frost that poses as snow, rather a true frost that silences the animals and all lay still. There is a peace that comes with it. When you step out the door in the morning, the sun is just barely reflecting onto the blueness of the sky. There is nothing about the morning that is pink or orange, no, it is white and clear with hints of light and shadows cast in hues of greys. The still is a mountain still that makes me realize, once again, why I live here. It was as though the world were still asleep at 7:15 A.M. The mountains surround me and when I was on my way back up here to these mountains after my Christmas stay in Atlanta, I felt peace with the first sight of the mountain skyline. This morning, that peace was perfect. I felt as though I were……… assured that everything was going to work out in life. I felt content and fulfilled. I really love living in these mountains. It is so beautiful full of gifts in each day.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble
AHHHH!!! I don’t think I can do another report to save my life!! I really like my boss. She is a great person. When she asks me to do things, I do them with no remorse or dread. Part of my computer skill has given me the ability to do any report imaginable. She is thinking of every report imaginable. I didn’t think it was possible. I kid you not; I have been through two reams of paper today. At least she is nice about it. The thing is though that on top of the reports she is asking me to pull, I have my end of the month reports due too. It is the end of the month. Everywhere I turn there is another report to do. Mind you, this happens once a month and inevitably I am caught off guard. It is only my third month doing all these things. It is not nearly as difficult as last month. I do kind of feel caught though: caught in my own web.
I am slow. I ran for 25 minutes last night and only ran 1.6 miles. I got home about 5:30 and the sun beat me down. I ran as far as I felt comfortable with it getting darker by the second and when I was on my little gravel road, there was no sun. None. It was dark. It made me run a lot faster though. I wasn’t so concerned with someone getting me as I was something getting me (i.e. a bear or bobcat or wild pig, yes I said wild pig. Trust me you don’t want to run across a wild pig. They can’t see and they charge. They are terrible.). My legs feel like they are going to fall off today. I also did 150 crunches. Yeah, my abs are feeling it too. I didn’t ever feel any soreness from the gym, but being outside and going cross country, I am definitely sore. I wonder what the difference is.
Oh yeah, the Dr. Phil kid has been the talk with my friends. It’s a really bad, bad, bad representation of recovery of addiction. What’s worse, 50 days doesn’t mean squat. Depending on the DOC, it can take from 12 months to 5 years to detox. He is just barely coming down from the addiction. Goodness knows what will happen too if he swaps addictions to sex or food or people or nicotine. 50 days is not a good representation of recovery. Mostly, the only good representation is getting several addicts with similar DOC’s over an extended period of abstinence and treatment to see what is really life changing. See the difference between and addict at 30 days, 90 days, 9 months, 18 months, 5 years, 15 years and 20 years. Then you’ll get a really picture. At 50 days the kid is more apt to keep using than at any other time. It’s really easy not to use when you are locked up. Sorry, I am a little opinionated on this one. Most of us are laughing at the world.
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble
AHHHH!!! I don’t think I can do another report to save my life!! I really like my boss. She is a great person. When she asks me to do things, I do them with no remorse or dread. Part of my computer skill has given me the ability to do any report imaginable. She is thinking of every report imaginable. I didn’t think it was possible. I kid you not; I have been through two reams of paper today. At least she is nice about it. The thing is though that on top of the reports she is asking me to pull, I have my end of the month reports due too. It is the end of the month. Everywhere I turn there is another report to do. Mind you, this happens once a month and inevitably I am caught off guard. It is only my third month doing all these things. It is not nearly as difficult as last month. I do kind of feel caught though: caught in my own web.
I am slow. I ran for 25 minutes last night and only ran 1.6 miles. I got home about 5:30 and the sun beat me down. I ran as far as I felt comfortable with it getting darker by the second and when I was on my little gravel road, there was no sun. None. It was dark. It made me run a lot faster though. I wasn’t so concerned with someone getting me as I was something getting me (i.e. a bear or bobcat or wild pig, yes I said wild pig. Trust me you don’t want to run across a wild pig. They can’t see and they charge. They are terrible.). My legs feel like they are going to fall off today. I also did 150 crunches. Yeah, my abs are feeling it too. I didn’t ever feel any soreness from the gym, but being outside and going cross country, I am definitely sore. I wonder what the difference is.
Oh yeah, the Dr. Phil kid has been the talk with my friends. It’s a really bad, bad, bad representation of recovery of addiction. What’s worse, 50 days doesn’t mean squat. Depending on the DOC, it can take from 12 months to 5 years to detox. He is just barely coming down from the addiction. Goodness knows what will happen too if he swaps addictions to sex or food or people or nicotine. 50 days is not a good representation of recovery. Mostly, the only good representation is getting several addicts with similar DOC’s over an extended period of abstinence and treatment to see what is really life changing. See the difference between and addict at 30 days, 90 days, 9 months, 18 months, 5 years, 15 years and 20 years. Then you’ll get a really picture. At 50 days the kid is more apt to keep using than at any other time. It’s really easy not to use when you are locked up. Sorry, I am a little opinionated on this one. Most of us are laughing at the world.
Monday, December 29, 2003
There will be a reckoning for this……
So the weekend collapsed like an accordion and I feel like I have missed it. I think I saw a couple of Pettits and a couple of McCallums in the whirlwind, which is always good. There was a movie theatre, a Best Buy and I drove a lot. I do know that I saw an Oscar movie on my way home. I got to see Cold Mountain. I liked the music so much that I went right out and bought the CD with my handy Best Buy GC that my Uncle George was kind enough to bestow on me for Christmas. The movie is phenomenal. Renee got her Oscar. Nicole gets a bid. Bets on that it gets a bid for best movie too. There was an editing mistake in it, which I found surprising. Usually movies like that don’t screw up so abrasively. In the whirl wind, there was a run in with John and more Christmas gifts. There was fun with Peter at the Salon and ……shopping. Had to use the GC’s up! I feel rather rested today, but who knows what happened in the past couple of days. I had planned to try to go running today and hopefully that will happen this afternoon. I thought about getting up super early in the morn, say five or so, but I think I will have to pray on that one. I would like to be that type of person though: the person who gets up and gets her act together way before the sun is up and has time to make breakfast and spend time with God. That would be cool. I still have some house cleaning to do before that happens though. Now, generally, I use the term “house cleaning” as a metaphor for aligning my emotional and mental self with God, but this time I mean that I really do have some house cleaning to do. I haven’t ever done the “donate to goodwill” thing and as a result I have way too much stuff. I think that my intentions have been to do it. Kind of like the morning person thing. Well, it’s all about change right? Change it is! Change with God’s help that is. God isn’t magic, but He sure is helpful and at times inspiring. Can you imagine giving everything you have to the entire human race? Pretty inspiring. I kind of feel inspired right now. The other inspiring thing I want to do is to write for the paper as a movie critic. Of course that requires time to do that sort of thing. Jo March used to sell her stories for $5 to the magazines, I wonder how much I could get for it now? By Carter’s COL standards: $5,000.00. Maybe not this time. Maybe next time.
So the weekend collapsed like an accordion and I feel like I have missed it. I think I saw a couple of Pettits and a couple of McCallums in the whirlwind, which is always good. There was a movie theatre, a Best Buy and I drove a lot. I do know that I saw an Oscar movie on my way home. I got to see Cold Mountain. I liked the music so much that I went right out and bought the CD with my handy Best Buy GC that my Uncle George was kind enough to bestow on me for Christmas. The movie is phenomenal. Renee got her Oscar. Nicole gets a bid. Bets on that it gets a bid for best movie too. There was an editing mistake in it, which I found surprising. Usually movies like that don’t screw up so abrasively. In the whirl wind, there was a run in with John and more Christmas gifts. There was fun with Peter at the Salon and ……shopping. Had to use the GC’s up! I feel rather rested today, but who knows what happened in the past couple of days. I had planned to try to go running today and hopefully that will happen this afternoon. I thought about getting up super early in the morn, say five or so, but I think I will have to pray on that one. I would like to be that type of person though: the person who gets up and gets her act together way before the sun is up and has time to make breakfast and spend time with God. That would be cool. I still have some house cleaning to do before that happens though. Now, generally, I use the term “house cleaning” as a metaphor for aligning my emotional and mental self with God, but this time I mean that I really do have some house cleaning to do. I haven’t ever done the “donate to goodwill” thing and as a result I have way too much stuff. I think that my intentions have been to do it. Kind of like the morning person thing. Well, it’s all about change right? Change it is! Change with God’s help that is. God isn’t magic, but He sure is helpful and at times inspiring. Can you imagine giving everything you have to the entire human race? Pretty inspiring. I kind of feel inspired right now. The other inspiring thing I want to do is to write for the paper as a movie critic. Of course that requires time to do that sort of thing. Jo March used to sell her stories for $5 to the magazines, I wonder how much I could get for it now? By Carter’s COL standards: $5,000.00. Maybe not this time. Maybe next time.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
And unto us a child is born......
So today is the birth of Christ. Yesterday on TV, there was a history channel special on the apostles and the apocraphatic tales. Mostly, the apocraphe told how the apostles preached and became missionaries and how they died and then the rest is myth and lore. At least, this is what I got out of the TV presentation. The thing that sparked my attention the most was the way that the apostles died. They mostly all died horrible deaths that were representations or rather supposedly honoring the death of Christ. They all died pretty horribly. Mostly, what I gathered is that they loved Jesus so much that they wanted to do everything just like Him, even in death. The thing so unique, that no one can ever mock is Christ's birth. Obviously, that is the point of the celebration today. Now, I am not going to pretend that Christ was born EXACTLY today 2003 years ago. That is not the point of today either. The point is.......I realize that some of you are thinking that the point is that we grow along spriritual lines. We claim spiritual progress not spiritual perfection, however that is not the point of this rambling right now. The point is that Christ was born. He was here. No questions asked. There are far and few between (like no one) that can deny His existance. Many can debate His worthiness, the way He came about or His ability, but no one can deny that a child was born and changed the way the human race thinks. Now, when perception is changed (Perception is the way you think), I have been told that this is the definition of a miracle. Christ was born, changed the way that the human race percieved the world, a miracle occured. Que no? Yeah, miracle day...spiritual truths...happy birthday Big Brother J.
So today is the birth of Christ. Yesterday on TV, there was a history channel special on the apostles and the apocraphatic tales. Mostly, the apocraphe told how the apostles preached and became missionaries and how they died and then the rest is myth and lore. At least, this is what I got out of the TV presentation. The thing that sparked my attention the most was the way that the apostles died. They mostly all died horrible deaths that were representations or rather supposedly honoring the death of Christ. They all died pretty horribly. Mostly, what I gathered is that they loved Jesus so much that they wanted to do everything just like Him, even in death. The thing so unique, that no one can ever mock is Christ's birth. Obviously, that is the point of the celebration today. Now, I am not going to pretend that Christ was born EXACTLY today 2003 years ago. That is not the point of today either. The point is.......I realize that some of you are thinking that the point is that we grow along spriritual lines. We claim spiritual progress not spiritual perfection, however that is not the point of this rambling right now. The point is that Christ was born. He was here. No questions asked. There are far and few between (like no one) that can deny His existance. Many can debate His worthiness, the way He came about or His ability, but no one can deny that a child was born and changed the way the human race thinks. Now, when perception is changed (Perception is the way you think), I have been told that this is the definition of a miracle. Christ was born, changed the way that the human race percieved the world, a miracle occured. Que no? Yeah, miracle day...spiritual truths...happy birthday Big Brother J.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Oh, you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...
I, I'm still alive
Yeah, so I haven’t been blogging lately because………well life is beating me up with dates and things to do and people to see. What to do…..What to say…..
So this weekend I went to the Masquerade and saw the teenagers play and they were, unfortunately, really bad. I have to realize several things though: they are a new band, they have never played in a venue that large and they were scared to death. They threw out CD’s at the end of the concert and I snagged one. It turns out, they don’t sing on key either. Oops. Strangely enough, this didn’t matter at all to the crew that went. They just thought it was cool that they got to a) go to Atlanta b) see their friends play and c) stay out late. I am sure the ice cream at Ruby Tuesday’s helped a little too. That is where we went afterwards. We also went to the Varsity prior to, because we were in Atlanta and that is an Atlanta thing to do. It was super fun being around all those kids and just hearing the laughter, the screams for the cute teenage rock star and the surrealistic adventure that I was on.
Saturday, I went to my cousin Sarah”s graduation ceremony at University of GA in the morning. It was completely normal. Nothing unusual happened. The commencement speaker was a little off though. She stood up and instead of saying “Yea! You graduated! Go get ‘em,” she said, “ we still need affirmative action! And more diversity in the school!” ???????? Maybe it is just me, but using the commencement speech as a campus political platform seems off kilter. It was a very nice ceremony.
Saturday evening, I went to Mom’s for the famous McCallum Dinner. Some one said it best, “listen the matriarch is speaking!” This is quite a good statement. My Mom has moved into the position of matriarch for her side of the family. She is definitely the one that they look to for approval and guidance. It was a lovely dinner and wonderful fellowship. My cousin Jack is a riot. He is so ept at everything he does. It is so apparent that he has smart parents.
Sunday was a drive home and movie stop on the way. I met my friend Peter and we saw As Good as it Gets II……..I mean I went to see Something’s Gotta Give. I didn’t care for it, kinda for personal reasons. It was definitely the same genre movie though as As Good as It Gets. Not impressed.
Monday, I shopped and wrapped and watched League of Extraordinary Gentleman. Good flick. Hurray for the gifts that Papa got me!! He did a great job picking them out!! I also got John a couple of his gifts and do you have any idea how hard it is to wrap a tea kettle that has no box? It took all the invention that I had. When I dropped the gifts off by his house last night, he asked if he could open one so that he could make tea. Guess it wasn’t as clever as I thought. He always guesses his gifts.
How much do I love the fact that I get to go home today once lunch is served? Yeah, well I do. The IT guys are bringing us lunch today as our Christmas gift. Thank goodness for Blimpie. At least that is the rumor that is going around. It’s crazy here. Today is hospital dump day so that all their patients can go home for the holidays and they refer them all to us to get the medications to them. Luckily, I don’t know how to give a shot or IV or anything else. Whew. My boss didn’t even come in except for the staff Christmas party yesterday. Then she bolted, so I get to go soon. Hopefully, unless the evil one makes me stay. Long story. Oh………….vacation. I want you!!! I am ready!! Let’s go!! See you soon!!!
I, I'm still alive
Yeah, so I haven’t been blogging lately because………well life is beating me up with dates and things to do and people to see. What to do…..What to say…..
So this weekend I went to the Masquerade and saw the teenagers play and they were, unfortunately, really bad. I have to realize several things though: they are a new band, they have never played in a venue that large and they were scared to death. They threw out CD’s at the end of the concert and I snagged one. It turns out, they don’t sing on key either. Oops. Strangely enough, this didn’t matter at all to the crew that went. They just thought it was cool that they got to a) go to Atlanta b) see their friends play and c) stay out late. I am sure the ice cream at Ruby Tuesday’s helped a little too. That is where we went afterwards. We also went to the Varsity prior to, because we were in Atlanta and that is an Atlanta thing to do. It was super fun being around all those kids and just hearing the laughter, the screams for the cute teenage rock star and the surrealistic adventure that I was on.
Saturday, I went to my cousin Sarah”s graduation ceremony at University of GA in the morning. It was completely normal. Nothing unusual happened. The commencement speaker was a little off though. She stood up and instead of saying “Yea! You graduated! Go get ‘em,” she said, “ we still need affirmative action! And more diversity in the school!” ???????? Maybe it is just me, but using the commencement speech as a campus political platform seems off kilter. It was a very nice ceremony.
Saturday evening, I went to Mom’s for the famous McCallum Dinner. Some one said it best, “listen the matriarch is speaking!” This is quite a good statement. My Mom has moved into the position of matriarch for her side of the family. She is definitely the one that they look to for approval and guidance. It was a lovely dinner and wonderful fellowship. My cousin Jack is a riot. He is so ept at everything he does. It is so apparent that he has smart parents.
Sunday was a drive home and movie stop on the way. I met my friend Peter and we saw As Good as it Gets II……..I mean I went to see Something’s Gotta Give. I didn’t care for it, kinda for personal reasons. It was definitely the same genre movie though as As Good as It Gets. Not impressed.
Monday, I shopped and wrapped and watched League of Extraordinary Gentleman. Good flick. Hurray for the gifts that Papa got me!! He did a great job picking them out!! I also got John a couple of his gifts and do you have any idea how hard it is to wrap a tea kettle that has no box? It took all the invention that I had. When I dropped the gifts off by his house last night, he asked if he could open one so that he could make tea. Guess it wasn’t as clever as I thought. He always guesses his gifts.
How much do I love the fact that I get to go home today once lunch is served? Yeah, well I do. The IT guys are bringing us lunch today as our Christmas gift. Thank goodness for Blimpie. At least that is the rumor that is going around. It’s crazy here. Today is hospital dump day so that all their patients can go home for the holidays and they refer them all to us to get the medications to them. Luckily, I don’t know how to give a shot or IV or anything else. Whew. My boss didn’t even come in except for the staff Christmas party yesterday. Then she bolted, so I get to go soon. Hopefully, unless the evil one makes me stay. Long story. Oh………….vacation. I want you!!! I am ready!! Let’s go!! See you soon!!!
Friday, December 19, 2003
She dreams in yellow, she dreams in red………
So this morning on the way to work I get a rather bizarre question on my cell phone from my Mom… Are you going to work today? Yes…….apparently the news stations in Atlanta were under the impression that there was four inches of snow on the ground in White County. No, no snow. There are however, snow clouds sitting in the sky that look like any minute they will break. Perhaps this is what the meteorologist was seeing. So, I watched out for icy conditions on the way to work and was snug as a bug in my warm car. There was a beautiful sunrise this morning that reflected off of the underside of the snow clouds all the way to work. It was this beautiful red and pink paint smeared over cotton.
Well, I have decided that it is going to be worth my time to become a teacher. I have been doing a little research even though I am currently employed. I talked it over with my boss to see what she thought of the idea of working here and going to school on the side. She said it sounded really nice and she thinks that it would be worth her time and mine. I am sure there are a few of you out there who are thinking…………where did this come from? Well, my super boss has two kids: one is six and the other nine. The nine year old was a little girl just like me as a brunette. She and I got to talking and then she started playing games on my computer, in the meanwhile I braided her hair. It turned out that she thought she was waiting on Mom and in turn, Mom couldn’t find her and was ready to go. Mom (my super boss) looked at me in amazement because I braided her hair. She asked how I got her to sit still long enough to braid her hair. I replied: I am not her mom. But really, what it boiled down to in my head is that I am really good with children at the age of 8-14. I just get them. I have been working with them all my life……….or since I was a senior in high school. Why am I not using that talent? I should be. It turns out that there is a program for both Masters in Education and for Post Bacc Certification at the college right around the corner……..my Dad wanted me to go there for undergrad or at least look at it and I wouldn’t because it was a military institution: North Georgia. Duh. So here is what I think that I want to do: get the Post Bacc to certify me and begin teaching; get the Masters to be a counselor. Yeah, I know I am crazy. No, I don’t know if I will follow through with it or not, but it sure is appealing. I don’t really want to be an admin assistant for the rest of my life, but I need benefits and here I have benefits next month.
So maybe I am dreaming, but at least it is not a nightmare…..or maybe it is and I just haven’t gotten to the scary part yet! Either way, it is only thoughts. Thoughts don’t harm. Actions harm, so I am safe. God is watching over me. I can feel it.
So this morning on the way to work I get a rather bizarre question on my cell phone from my Mom… Are you going to work today? Yes…….apparently the news stations in Atlanta were under the impression that there was four inches of snow on the ground in White County. No, no snow. There are however, snow clouds sitting in the sky that look like any minute they will break. Perhaps this is what the meteorologist was seeing. So, I watched out for icy conditions on the way to work and was snug as a bug in my warm car. There was a beautiful sunrise this morning that reflected off of the underside of the snow clouds all the way to work. It was this beautiful red and pink paint smeared over cotton.
Well, I have decided that it is going to be worth my time to become a teacher. I have been doing a little research even though I am currently employed. I talked it over with my boss to see what she thought of the idea of working here and going to school on the side. She said it sounded really nice and she thinks that it would be worth her time and mine. I am sure there are a few of you out there who are thinking…………where did this come from? Well, my super boss has two kids: one is six and the other nine. The nine year old was a little girl just like me as a brunette. She and I got to talking and then she started playing games on my computer, in the meanwhile I braided her hair. It turned out that she thought she was waiting on Mom and in turn, Mom couldn’t find her and was ready to go. Mom (my super boss) looked at me in amazement because I braided her hair. She asked how I got her to sit still long enough to braid her hair. I replied: I am not her mom. But really, what it boiled down to in my head is that I am really good with children at the age of 8-14. I just get them. I have been working with them all my life……….or since I was a senior in high school. Why am I not using that talent? I should be. It turns out that there is a program for both Masters in Education and for Post Bacc Certification at the college right around the corner……..my Dad wanted me to go there for undergrad or at least look at it and I wouldn’t because it was a military institution: North Georgia. Duh. So here is what I think that I want to do: get the Post Bacc to certify me and begin teaching; get the Masters to be a counselor. Yeah, I know I am crazy. No, I don’t know if I will follow through with it or not, but it sure is appealing. I don’t really want to be an admin assistant for the rest of my life, but I need benefits and here I have benefits next month.
So maybe I am dreaming, but at least it is not a nightmare…..or maybe it is and I just haven’t gotten to the scary part yet! Either way, it is only thoughts. Thoughts don’t harm. Actions harm, so I am safe. God is watching over me. I can feel it.
Thursday, December 18, 2003
There’s a new kid in down and he’s lying in the manger down the road………
Did you know that only two people have ever gotten off the earth alive and Christ wasn’t one of them?
Well, I heard something I really liked last night and it finally feels like Christmas as a result. I heard that Christ means spiritual truth. Now when I look it up it says:
The Messiah; Jesus; the ideal truth that comes as a divine manifestation of God to destroy incarnate error
I like spiritual truth better. To me, it means that I get to have a piece of God to carry around with me. The celebration of Christmas is about the celebration of a spiritual truth. The thing I find so interesting is that the entire calendar is built on the existence of Christ yet people still doubt. There are several factors that let me know that Christ was here. First, twelve men all said the same thing and didn’t get lost or confused on any of the issues. Second, there are too many documents saying “hey, this is the guy.” There aren’t that many documents that say hey this is the guy for any other human being in history other than Christ. He changed the perception of time and had a major effect on history as a whole. It doesn’t make since that he wasn’t here. He told the truth too. Christ never once preached, he talked and taught. He never taught theology. The only two things he taught is that 1)Love the lord you God with all your Heart, you Soul and Body and 2)Love your neighbor as you do yourself. That is what the season seems to be all about for me. It is about reaffirming these spiritual truths. It’s the anniversary of beginning of the spirit.
The other thing I heard that I really liked is that if you are a betting man and you bet there is a God and there isn’t, you lose nothing. However, if you bet that there isn’t a God and there is, you’re really in for it.
Whatever is whatever, I just am excited that my big brother is going to have another birthday.
Did you know that only two people have ever gotten off the earth alive and Christ wasn’t one of them?
Well, I heard something I really liked last night and it finally feels like Christmas as a result. I heard that Christ means spiritual truth. Now when I look it up it says:
The Messiah; Jesus; the ideal truth that comes as a divine manifestation of God to destroy incarnate error
I like spiritual truth better. To me, it means that I get to have a piece of God to carry around with me. The celebration of Christmas is about the celebration of a spiritual truth. The thing I find so interesting is that the entire calendar is built on the existence of Christ yet people still doubt. There are several factors that let me know that Christ was here. First, twelve men all said the same thing and didn’t get lost or confused on any of the issues. Second, there are too many documents saying “hey, this is the guy.” There aren’t that many documents that say hey this is the guy for any other human being in history other than Christ. He changed the perception of time and had a major effect on history as a whole. It doesn’t make since that he wasn’t here. He told the truth too. Christ never once preached, he talked and taught. He never taught theology. The only two things he taught is that 1)Love the lord you God with all your Heart, you Soul and Body and 2)Love your neighbor as you do yourself. That is what the season seems to be all about for me. It is about reaffirming these spiritual truths. It’s the anniversary of beginning of the spirit.
The other thing I heard that I really liked is that if you are a betting man and you bet there is a God and there isn’t, you lose nothing. However, if you bet that there isn’t a God and there is, you’re really in for it.
Whatever is whatever, I just am excited that my big brother is going to have another birthday.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Oompa
Loompa
Loo-pa-dee-doo
I’ve got another riddle for you
So this woman is here today at work. And she is here to see whether or not we meet national standards as a Home Health Agency. Apparently, several years back, HHA’s were taking advantage of patients and the system and what not. The medical institutions were not being regulated. Now, however, they are. There is a Joint Commission that sets standards for every type of agency you can imagine. Typically, the standard is updated every three years or so. So now, as in right now as I am writing, there is an evaluator in the building as we are trying to be accredited by JHACHO standards before they change on Jan 1. Oh yeah, the evaluations and accreditations cost 50K. Everyone in the building are walking on pins and needles, all have their hair done and their ties straightened. It’s amazing. Knees are knocking and brows are beading. The thing that gets me is that, what’s the reason for the fear if we are doing what we are supposed to be doing?
Loompa
Loo-pa-dee-doo
I’ve got another riddle for you
So this woman is here today at work. And she is here to see whether or not we meet national standards as a Home Health Agency. Apparently, several years back, HHA’s were taking advantage of patients and the system and what not. The medical institutions were not being regulated. Now, however, they are. There is a Joint Commission that sets standards for every type of agency you can imagine. Typically, the standard is updated every three years or so. So now, as in right now as I am writing, there is an evaluator in the building as we are trying to be accredited by JHACHO standards before they change on Jan 1. Oh yeah, the evaluations and accreditations cost 50K. Everyone in the building are walking on pins and needles, all have their hair done and their ties straightened. It’s amazing. Knees are knocking and brows are beading. The thing that gets me is that, what’s the reason for the fear if we are doing what we are supposed to be doing?
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
To everything there is a season,
Turn, turn, turn,
And a time to every purpose under heaven
Turn, turn, turn………
So a really weird thing has been happening in my head here lately and I have finally come to a place of acceptance with it. I was in the Sautee coffee shop the other day and on the wall where all the events are, there was a picture of a band with a couple of dates. In the picture is an old friend of mine, Ian Shearer. My heart exploded. I couldn’t believe that Ian was in North Georgia! Of all people, he is not someone who I would ever imagine seeing again. Ian is an old high school chum, who turned into one of my drinking buddies when I lived in Atlanta. We have had some wonderful experiences together. He plays the trumpet and harmonica, writes poetry and had a knack for art. I actually still have some of the poems and tid-bits of art he made for me when we were in school together. I have heard him play the trumpet on any number of occasions at clubs and what not. I wanted so badly to see him play this past Saturday night, but couldn’t find anyone to go with me. I was not about to walk into a bar all by myself. I don’t have that privilege any more. It tore me up to know that he was right here and that I couldn’t touch or see or hear him. I began to connive ways to go see him. Then last night, after meeting with friends and talking about God, I realized that I can’t see. Not only can I not go see him, I couldn’t see me. I was just aching to return to my scene that used to pacify me and make my life a living hell even though it had the façade of making me feel better about life. I couldn’t figure it out, until talking last night. There is a passage that was read last night that tells me where I have to leave Ian:
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But no so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it.
Ian is but a memory. If I ever run into him again, then it will be in a sober environment, not in me going into a bar. I am no longer able to participate in that area of life. Sometimes I forget that I changed. Apparently, according to my friends it is the nature of the beast and desires can sometimes be cunning, baffling and powerful. I still do want to see him. I hope he goes to the coffee shop or something. Maybe he’ll move to Sautee. He’d fit right in with all the artists and vagrants aka hippies of the valley. Ahh……my home. I find just as much solace in the place I live now as I did in the bottle. I think now, it’s a God thing though. Sautee is definitely a God thing. Thanks God.
Turn, turn, turn,
And a time to every purpose under heaven
Turn, turn, turn………
So a really weird thing has been happening in my head here lately and I have finally come to a place of acceptance with it. I was in the Sautee coffee shop the other day and on the wall where all the events are, there was a picture of a band with a couple of dates. In the picture is an old friend of mine, Ian Shearer. My heart exploded. I couldn’t believe that Ian was in North Georgia! Of all people, he is not someone who I would ever imagine seeing again. Ian is an old high school chum, who turned into one of my drinking buddies when I lived in Atlanta. We have had some wonderful experiences together. He plays the trumpet and harmonica, writes poetry and had a knack for art. I actually still have some of the poems and tid-bits of art he made for me when we were in school together. I have heard him play the trumpet on any number of occasions at clubs and what not. I wanted so badly to see him play this past Saturday night, but couldn’t find anyone to go with me. I was not about to walk into a bar all by myself. I don’t have that privilege any more. It tore me up to know that he was right here and that I couldn’t touch or see or hear him. I began to connive ways to go see him. Then last night, after meeting with friends and talking about God, I realized that I can’t see. Not only can I not go see him, I couldn’t see me. I was just aching to return to my scene that used to pacify me and make my life a living hell even though it had the façade of making me feel better about life. I couldn’t figure it out, until talking last night. There is a passage that was read last night that tells me where I have to leave Ian:
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But no so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it.
Ian is but a memory. If I ever run into him again, then it will be in a sober environment, not in me going into a bar. I am no longer able to participate in that area of life. Sometimes I forget that I changed. Apparently, according to my friends it is the nature of the beast and desires can sometimes be cunning, baffling and powerful. I still do want to see him. I hope he goes to the coffee shop or something. Maybe he’ll move to Sautee. He’d fit right in with all the artists and vagrants aka hippies of the valley. Ahh……my home. I find just as much solace in the place I live now as I did in the bottle. I think now, it’s a God thing though. Sautee is definitely a God thing. Thanks God.
Monday, December 15, 2003
And we’re back together again,
And I’m never going to lose you as a friend. . .
So this weekend was nice, even though I didn’t get done anything that I had planned to get done. I am coming to accept that this is the way life is: I make plans; God laughs and gives me other things. I also had the opportunity to see Bruce Almighty this weekend. Yeah, I can totally relate to a lot of it. I have been a selfish individual for a long time and have been running on self will always. Sometimes (more than not), I still do. I did have the opportunity to do for others what they couldn’t do for themselves and that was very cool. I am not much in the way of being able to help others, but when I do, it makes my insides feel good. Sometimes I am not aware of my helping, but I try to be conscience enough to help one person a day at least if not more. It’s such a reciprocal action. I give to you to make you feel good and in return I feel good too. Paradoxical is what it’s called. I just try to see opportunities that God lays in front of me. Sometimes it is not easy. When I am all wrapped up in self it is almost impossible. I also find it easier to give to those who are not so close to me. It is easier to give to an acquaintance than to a close friend. I guess that is due to the nature of codependence. I am more concerned of what my best friend thinks of me, than a complete stranger. I guess that is for two reasons: 1) because my best friend will tell me what they think and 2) I am a perfectionist and if my gift isn’t perfect, then I don’t want to give it……………..which is totally against the nature of giving in the first place, but what can you do?
Ahh……so Friday I saw this terrific new series on TV. I was at the gym on the bi-cycle, thinking that I would try to stay on there for an hour. I watched Home Improvement finally, after 15 minutes worth of channel surfing. Then, after that I stumbled onto Joan of Arcadia. It was so good that I couldn’t turn the channel for anything. I ended up being on the bike for an hour and forty-five minutes just to see the end of the program. It is the new Dawson’s. It doesn’t have the romantic thing going, but it’s got the God concept kicking. So now, the lady who is crazy, on the elliptical machine and I have a date every Friday to see this show at the gym. Yes, it’s that good.
Saturday……….I played all day and then chilled out that evening with my honey. We played Backgammon and drank hot tea. I read my book some and just chilled. He is such a wonderful man. It was an overall good weekend. Sunday, of course, was movie day, not to mention a day for history forever. It seems a little trippy that Saddam is done. It’s kind of…………well what do we do now. I am sure I will get that same feeling ten times over with the capture of ’O-Samma.’ Still, it mostly makes me think of my friend Alan, who is over there right now. Not good. The thing that I most don’t like at all is that even though Saddam is in custody, our men still won’t get to come home. That’s sad. Although, I would rather have them fighting for something than just hanging out doing nothing. Not acting is as much an action as acting, and something, some how, needed to be done. I just disagree with the policy and procedures, that’s all. I hope Saddam gives all kinds of good info…..that would be very useful and worth the great hunt.
And I’m never going to lose you as a friend. . .
So this weekend was nice, even though I didn’t get done anything that I had planned to get done. I am coming to accept that this is the way life is: I make plans; God laughs and gives me other things. I also had the opportunity to see Bruce Almighty this weekend. Yeah, I can totally relate to a lot of it. I have been a selfish individual for a long time and have been running on self will always. Sometimes (more than not), I still do. I did have the opportunity to do for others what they couldn’t do for themselves and that was very cool. I am not much in the way of being able to help others, but when I do, it makes my insides feel good. Sometimes I am not aware of my helping, but I try to be conscience enough to help one person a day at least if not more. It’s such a reciprocal action. I give to you to make you feel good and in return I feel good too. Paradoxical is what it’s called. I just try to see opportunities that God lays in front of me. Sometimes it is not easy. When I am all wrapped up in self it is almost impossible. I also find it easier to give to those who are not so close to me. It is easier to give to an acquaintance than to a close friend. I guess that is due to the nature of codependence. I am more concerned of what my best friend thinks of me, than a complete stranger. I guess that is for two reasons: 1) because my best friend will tell me what they think and 2) I am a perfectionist and if my gift isn’t perfect, then I don’t want to give it……………..which is totally against the nature of giving in the first place, but what can you do?
Ahh……so Friday I saw this terrific new series on TV. I was at the gym on the bi-cycle, thinking that I would try to stay on there for an hour. I watched Home Improvement finally, after 15 minutes worth of channel surfing. Then, after that I stumbled onto Joan of Arcadia. It was so good that I couldn’t turn the channel for anything. I ended up being on the bike for an hour and forty-five minutes just to see the end of the program. It is the new Dawson’s. It doesn’t have the romantic thing going, but it’s got the God concept kicking. So now, the lady who is crazy, on the elliptical machine and I have a date every Friday to see this show at the gym. Yes, it’s that good.
Saturday……….I played all day and then chilled out that evening with my honey. We played Backgammon and drank hot tea. I read my book some and just chilled. He is such a wonderful man. It was an overall good weekend. Sunday, of course, was movie day, not to mention a day for history forever. It seems a little trippy that Saddam is done. It’s kind of…………well what do we do now. I am sure I will get that same feeling ten times over with the capture of ’O-Samma.’ Still, it mostly makes me think of my friend Alan, who is over there right now. Not good. The thing that I most don’t like at all is that even though Saddam is in custody, our men still won’t get to come home. That’s sad. Although, I would rather have them fighting for something than just hanging out doing nothing. Not acting is as much an action as acting, and something, some how, needed to be done. I just disagree with the policy and procedures, that’s all. I hope Saddam gives all kinds of good info…..that would be very useful and worth the great hunt.
Friday, December 12, 2003
Wow.
O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
Sondern lasst uns angenehmere anstimmen
und freudenvollere!
Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
Wir betreten feuertrunken.
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alle Menschen werden Brüder
Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
Wem der grosse Wurf gelungen
Eines Freundes Freund zu sein,
Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
Mische seinen Jubel ein!
Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
Weinend sich aus diesem Bund.
Freude trinken alle Wesen
An den Brüsten der Natur;
Alle Guten, alle Bösen,
Folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,
Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
Und der Cherub steht vor Gott!
Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.
Seid umschlungen, Millionen.
Dieser Kuss der ganzen Welt!
Brüder! Über'm Sternenzelt
Muss ein lieber Vater wohnen.
Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
Such ihn über'm Sternenzelt!
Über Sternen muss er wohnen.
Yeah, definitely Grammy material, definitely. Go Dad.
O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
Sondern lasst uns angenehmere anstimmen
und freudenvollere!
Freude, schöner Götterfunken,
Tochter aus Elysium,
Wir betreten feuertrunken.
Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alle Menschen werden Brüder
Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.
Wem der grosse Wurf gelungen
Eines Freundes Freund zu sein,
Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
Mische seinen Jubel ein!
Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
Weinend sich aus diesem Bund.
Freude trinken alle Wesen
An den Brüsten der Natur;
Alle Guten, alle Bösen,
Folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,
Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
Und der Cherub steht vor Gott!
Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.
Seid umschlungen, Millionen.
Dieser Kuss der ganzen Welt!
Brüder! Über'm Sternenzelt
Muss ein lieber Vater wohnen.
Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
Such ihn über'm Sternenzelt!
Über Sternen muss er wohnen.
Yeah, definitely Grammy material, definitely. Go Dad.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
At the Spencer’s, Mrs. Isabella Spencer made them miserable by saying something ill-natured about everyone in Avonlea.
So I didn’t understand some of the jokes at the party on Tuesday evening. There was an employee roast that went on by my super boss here at work. She found something to pick on everyone about, no matter what the position except the CEO. There was one award given to a manager as the Queen Bee award. I didn’t really get this, because she seemed fine to me. They talked and laughed about how no one would work for her because like the Queen of the Hive, she would sting and kill her own. Now, I don’t know if that is true about Queens or not, but I know another version of Queen B that I don’t particularly care for, myself. I found out what it means now, turns out that I got stung yesterday. I mind my own self pretty well and don’t nose into others situations, especially at work, because I don’t like: 1) to be talked about or 2) to be the talker. Both of these ends of the stick make me feel bad in the conscience realm. Apparently, it doesn’t bother others though and my boss had to confront me this morning about bad behavior. Whatever? I don’t do much wrong, but yesterday on company time I checked the weather on the internet. I try to keep my blogging and emailing confined to lunch and breaks and that is accepted, but oh no! I am checking the weather before I go home and I get blasted. I felt infected with Bee Serum immediately. The thing I have noticed is that this woman is only happy when others are miserable. She was buzzing around after I came out of my office, happy, joyous and free. Initially, I was slightly wounded. I hid in my cubicle and wouldn’t play any music and stuck to my work, then as the monotony of my data entry dragged on, I began to think: You know it must be really hard work making others miserable; I can either really let this woman get under my skin and give her my time and energy or I can change my thoughts to someone I can help or to God; I can’t imagine being as miserable as she must be……So now I feel better because I have had some time to pray and think and become aware. My music is back on and I am no longer in fear or hurt, rather in an okay centered place. You know, there hasn’t been any buzzing or if there is, I can’t hear it. Imagine that. One of my girlfriends says that it is a beautiful day in God’s world today, would you like to join? Today my answer is yes. I don’t have to be a part of others messes if I don’t want it. Besides, how can I get down on Mom’s birthday, which just happens to be my Dad’s concert day, where me and a crew are going to see them this evening? Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.
So I didn’t understand some of the jokes at the party on Tuesday evening. There was an employee roast that went on by my super boss here at work. She found something to pick on everyone about, no matter what the position except the CEO. There was one award given to a manager as the Queen Bee award. I didn’t really get this, because she seemed fine to me. They talked and laughed about how no one would work for her because like the Queen of the Hive, she would sting and kill her own. Now, I don’t know if that is true about Queens or not, but I know another version of Queen B that I don’t particularly care for, myself. I found out what it means now, turns out that I got stung yesterday. I mind my own self pretty well and don’t nose into others situations, especially at work, because I don’t like: 1) to be talked about or 2) to be the talker. Both of these ends of the stick make me feel bad in the conscience realm. Apparently, it doesn’t bother others though and my boss had to confront me this morning about bad behavior. Whatever? I don’t do much wrong, but yesterday on company time I checked the weather on the internet. I try to keep my blogging and emailing confined to lunch and breaks and that is accepted, but oh no! I am checking the weather before I go home and I get blasted. I felt infected with Bee Serum immediately. The thing I have noticed is that this woman is only happy when others are miserable. She was buzzing around after I came out of my office, happy, joyous and free. Initially, I was slightly wounded. I hid in my cubicle and wouldn’t play any music and stuck to my work, then as the monotony of my data entry dragged on, I began to think: You know it must be really hard work making others miserable; I can either really let this woman get under my skin and give her my time and energy or I can change my thoughts to someone I can help or to God; I can’t imagine being as miserable as she must be……So now I feel better because I have had some time to pray and think and become aware. My music is back on and I am no longer in fear or hurt, rather in an okay centered place. You know, there hasn’t been any buzzing or if there is, I can’t hear it. Imagine that. One of my girlfriends says that it is a beautiful day in God’s world today, would you like to join? Today my answer is yes. I don’t have to be a part of others messes if I don’t want it. Besides, how can I get down on Mom’s birthday, which just happens to be my Dad’s concert day, where me and a crew are going to see them this evening? Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Cast me gently,
Into morning,
For the night has been unkind.......
Yeah, so my super boss gave me a copy of the new Sarah McLaughlin CD, wow. Good music. It sounds exactly like her last cd, only better and with different beats and words. These lyrics are particularly comforting after the night I had last night. I went to my first official social outing with the office last night: the office Christmas Party. Now, I should probably give you some background on last year's party so you will understand where I am coming from. Last year I was working as a counselor for substance abuse, domestic violence and anger management (yes, I taught anger management. I don't know which is funnier the Adam Sandler movie or the fact that I learned more about how to manage my anger than anyone else in the class. I have a tendency to be on the angry side of things as an individual.) And the little place that I worked was a very tight nit group of people of about 6 of us. When you included signifigant others as well, there were nine. So my boss took us all to Fogo de Chao, which is a high dollar restaurant in Buckhead. It is about $100 a plate and that doesn't include beverages or dessert. So needless to say he dropped a grand on a Christmas shindig. We were all dress very nicely and had a blast being all fancied up and going into the city for a night. Last night was a disaster in comparison. We had cafeteria food, ate in a college dining hall, had a billion kids running all over the place screaming at the top of their lungs, had to sit through a child attempting to sing the twelve days of Chistmas in his own key, which was hysterically funny, and the only really impressive thing was that my super duper boss (the CEO) recited 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by heart with his wife. It was mighty impressive, the recital that is. It only lasted an hour which is not near as much time as I took on doing my hair (which I have come to find is much longer than it used to be and takes a whole lot more time to do anything with as a result of the growth). Everybody kept buzzing around saying "Isn't this just lovely?" and then I realized, they don't know the difference. I do. That is why I was stuggling so with the whole concept. I understand that there are bigger and better things out there. Ignorance is bliss, knowledge is power and knowing about ignorance creates growth. I can see my Mom's face going "What?" The experience as tedious and disappointing as it was, taught me several things: 1) be thankful for what you have, 2) love and tolerance are always the best for any situation and 3) never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. So once I went through the motions of sitting through this I realized that I work for a tremendous family oriented company that is kind, loving and good. Although, there are some things that I don't understand, I do enjoy the company of my co-workers. I don't have to tell everyone that I had a better party last year because that would only be egotistical and arrogant and very disrespectful to my boss, who worked so hard to make good with what she had, my super boss who enjoys the children so much, and my super duper boss, who is one of the best men I have ever met. He is going to match whatever we raise for a Christmas Family this year. He is a really good hearted man. So maybe it wasn't as terrible an event as I first believed, but it sure wore me out. Between having to go through all those thoughts to grow and change my perception and having the sniffles, I was plum tuckered out last night for bed. Thank goodness today is fresh with no mistakes in it.
Into morning,
For the night has been unkind.......
Yeah, so my super boss gave me a copy of the new Sarah McLaughlin CD, wow. Good music. It sounds exactly like her last cd, only better and with different beats and words. These lyrics are particularly comforting after the night I had last night. I went to my first official social outing with the office last night: the office Christmas Party. Now, I should probably give you some background on last year's party so you will understand where I am coming from. Last year I was working as a counselor for substance abuse, domestic violence and anger management (yes, I taught anger management. I don't know which is funnier the Adam Sandler movie or the fact that I learned more about how to manage my anger than anyone else in the class. I have a tendency to be on the angry side of things as an individual.) And the little place that I worked was a very tight nit group of people of about 6 of us. When you included signifigant others as well, there were nine. So my boss took us all to Fogo de Chao, which is a high dollar restaurant in Buckhead. It is about $100 a plate and that doesn't include beverages or dessert. So needless to say he dropped a grand on a Christmas shindig. We were all dress very nicely and had a blast being all fancied up and going into the city for a night. Last night was a disaster in comparison. We had cafeteria food, ate in a college dining hall, had a billion kids running all over the place screaming at the top of their lungs, had to sit through a child attempting to sing the twelve days of Chistmas in his own key, which was hysterically funny, and the only really impressive thing was that my super duper boss (the CEO) recited 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by heart with his wife. It was mighty impressive, the recital that is. It only lasted an hour which is not near as much time as I took on doing my hair (which I have come to find is much longer than it used to be and takes a whole lot more time to do anything with as a result of the growth). Everybody kept buzzing around saying "Isn't this just lovely?" and then I realized, they don't know the difference. I do. That is why I was stuggling so with the whole concept. I understand that there are bigger and better things out there. Ignorance is bliss, knowledge is power and knowing about ignorance creates growth. I can see my Mom's face going "What?" The experience as tedious and disappointing as it was, taught me several things: 1) be thankful for what you have, 2) love and tolerance are always the best for any situation and 3) never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. So once I went through the motions of sitting through this I realized that I work for a tremendous family oriented company that is kind, loving and good. Although, there are some things that I don't understand, I do enjoy the company of my co-workers. I don't have to tell everyone that I had a better party last year because that would only be egotistical and arrogant and very disrespectful to my boss, who worked so hard to make good with what she had, my super boss who enjoys the children so much, and my super duper boss, who is one of the best men I have ever met. He is going to match whatever we raise for a Christmas Family this year. He is a really good hearted man. So maybe it wasn't as terrible an event as I first believed, but it sure wore me out. Between having to go through all those thoughts to grow and change my perception and having the sniffles, I was plum tuckered out last night for bed. Thank goodness today is fresh with no mistakes in it.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Well, fine I am aware, will admit and accept that I have a sickness. It makes me tired and sniffly. It won't allow me to go anywhere with out a tissue in my hand and all I want to do is sleep. I am not sure what this is as a result of other than the fact that it is cold outside and I am in and out of doors all day and inside it is warm but outside it is not. There was a beautiful heavy frost on the ground yesterday morning that told me how cold it was outside. I went to aerobics yesterday and had no energy at all. I almost didn't make it through the class. Ms. Barbra kept saying things like you can do it, put some fire to it. Did I mention that she is a cheerleading coach? I was really glad when it was over. She is nice and all, but when I am sick, I don't much care for anything.
Then a very sad thing happened. I am a Monday freak, which means that Mondays are the busiest days for me. I go, go, go. Yesterday I went, went, stopped. My bridge people weren't there. I went to play bridge and the Greatest Christmas Pagent ever had taken over the bridge players spot. Apparently, the others like myself, couldn't figure out where they moved out card playing spot to, and went home. I did actually find the place we had been replaced at and it was loud and noisy from all the kids. Needless to say, the rest of the group was no where to be found. It was really sad to see the tables all set up and no one in the chairs. It felt very ghost townish.
My mind is still wandering about some of the concepts in the Last Samurai. I am so tickled that there is a good movie out. So since there was no bridge, I went to meet with friends for a birthday and talk about God. It was nice. Afterwards, I got a chance to have dinner with John and chitter chat over quesadillas and carnitas. I really like quesadillas. I think mostly, I just like cheeses. Then I went home to build a fire. Yeah, I thought that I might give up on the whole wood burning stove as being my primary heat source, then I got my power bill: $25!!! This month last year, it was $85. I have saved fifty bucks already, not to mention that last year's January and February bill was $150!!! So I think I will keep building the fires. There is something peaceful about them. As a bonus, all my clothes smell like a wood burning stove. I like that.
I stare for a while
The world around disappears
Well, fine I am aware, will admit and accept that I have a sickness. It makes me tired and sniffly. It won't allow me to go anywhere with out a tissue in my hand and all I want to do is sleep. I am not sure what this is as a result of other than the fact that it is cold outside and I am in and out of doors all day and inside it is warm but outside it is not. There was a beautiful heavy frost on the ground yesterday morning that told me how cold it was outside. I went to aerobics yesterday and had no energy at all. I almost didn't make it through the class. Ms. Barbra kept saying things like you can do it, put some fire to it. Did I mention that she is a cheerleading coach? I was really glad when it was over. She is nice and all, but when I am sick, I don't much care for anything.
Then a very sad thing happened. I am a Monday freak, which means that Mondays are the busiest days for me. I go, go, go. Yesterday I went, went, stopped. My bridge people weren't there. I went to play bridge and the Greatest Christmas Pagent ever had taken over the bridge players spot. Apparently, the others like myself, couldn't figure out where they moved out card playing spot to, and went home. I did actually find the place we had been replaced at and it was loud and noisy from all the kids. Needless to say, the rest of the group was no where to be found. It was really sad to see the tables all set up and no one in the chairs. It felt very ghost townish.
My mind is still wandering about some of the concepts in the Last Samurai. I am so tickled that there is a good movie out. So since there was no bridge, I went to meet with friends for a birthday and talk about God. It was nice. Afterwards, I got a chance to have dinner with John and chitter chat over quesadillas and carnitas. I really like quesadillas. I think mostly, I just like cheeses. Then I went home to build a fire. Yeah, I thought that I might give up on the whole wood burning stove as being my primary heat source, then I got my power bill: $25!!! This month last year, it was $85. I have saved fifty bucks already, not to mention that last year's January and February bill was $150!!! So I think I will keep building the fires. There is something peaceful about them. As a bonus, all my clothes smell like a wood burning stove. I like that.
Monday, December 08, 2003
Oracle: Cookies need love like everything does.
So there was a lot of luv going around this weekend. I helped one of my girlfriends leave her boyfriend this weekend and moved her and her boys into a new house. Wow. Talk about an excursion. I figured that it would take a better part of the morning and get lunch around 1 maybe 2 pm. Wrong. It took from sun up to sun down. Wow, families have lots of stuff. I had no idea. The only time my family has moved has been with professionals. I have never experienced what I went through on Saturday. Wow. It took up my whole day and by the end of it I was exhausted and hungry and unbelievably dirty. So after a good shower, meeting with friends and talking about God, and going to the Huddle for late night chitter chat and visiting, I finally got to the sleep part. I didn't think I would get enough sleep, but I did. Sometimes the need for sleep is greater than the time it takes to meet the need. Zonk out like a light. One of the things I think that made me so tired was the six year old. Whenever children are added to a situation it makes the thing ten times more exerting. They have twice the energy I do.
So on Sunday, I took time for me. I gave myself some TLC. I went home and super cleaned. I went and did some service work and then off to the movies I went. Initially, I thought about Love Actually, but then out of no where I decided to see a seven o'clock Last Samurai. Wow. Go Tom. He did good. Impressively enough, there was no sex and no language per se. In his out breaking film of Top Gun, he went back in and re-filmed the sex scene in order to get the movie more risque. This was just an adult, bohemian story. I will never forget the time my Dad used the word bohemian in front of me: Well, Rachel, La Boheme is just about a bunch of bohemians that's all. Once I found out what the word meant I died laughing at that statement. Anywho. It is a great flick and I will probably spend the hour drive to get to it and pay $8.50 again because it is that good. I didn't get home until 11pm, but I didn't care. I was totally delighted. That's the point of TLC isn't it?
So there was a lot of luv going around this weekend. I helped one of my girlfriends leave her boyfriend this weekend and moved her and her boys into a new house. Wow. Talk about an excursion. I figured that it would take a better part of the morning and get lunch around 1 maybe 2 pm. Wrong. It took from sun up to sun down. Wow, families have lots of stuff. I had no idea. The only time my family has moved has been with professionals. I have never experienced what I went through on Saturday. Wow. It took up my whole day and by the end of it I was exhausted and hungry and unbelievably dirty. So after a good shower, meeting with friends and talking about God, and going to the Huddle for late night chitter chat and visiting, I finally got to the sleep part. I didn't think I would get enough sleep, but I did. Sometimes the need for sleep is greater than the time it takes to meet the need. Zonk out like a light. One of the things I think that made me so tired was the six year old. Whenever children are added to a situation it makes the thing ten times more exerting. They have twice the energy I do.
So on Sunday, I took time for me. I gave myself some TLC. I went home and super cleaned. I went and did some service work and then off to the movies I went. Initially, I thought about Love Actually, but then out of no where I decided to see a seven o'clock Last Samurai. Wow. Go Tom. He did good. Impressively enough, there was no sex and no language per se. In his out breaking film of Top Gun, he went back in and re-filmed the sex scene in order to get the movie more risque. This was just an adult, bohemian story. I will never forget the time my Dad used the word bohemian in front of me: Well, Rachel, La Boheme is just about a bunch of bohemians that's all. Once I found out what the word meant I died laughing at that statement. Anywho. It is a great flick and I will probably spend the hour drive to get to it and pay $8.50 again because it is that good. I didn't get home until 11pm, but I didn't care. I was totally delighted. That's the point of TLC isn't it?
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Dark and dangerous like a secret
That gets whispered in a hush
So today was only a LITTLE stressful here at work. I had no idea I was going to be the one responsible for my boss's earnings. The report I do is what she gets paid commission off of, which is fine except I didn't find out until 3 pm this after noon and my accuracy still was amiss by 19 out of 413 injections. There were some tears. I don't particularly take to pressure well. I used to cry the night before anything that seemed remotely major when I was little, whether it be a social science project or deciding which college I wanted to go to, I cry under pressure. It always screws everyone around me up too because not very many people with as averagely serious an attitude as myself cry. That's what happens though when you cross my Mom and Dad: a serious cryer.
A friend of mine asked me how my day was a month or so ago and I looked right at her with this very intense, emtional look and said in a not so nice voice with steam coming out of my ears, "Unbelievably Bad, how's yours?" and smiled. She jumped about ten feet and retorted, "Sorry, I am not used to honesty." That is the only way I know how to be with my emtotions though. Honest. That day was unbelievably bad. Today, I am a serious cryer. It's a lot better than being dishonest or numb. But it is like no one likes to talk about emotions except therapists. Guess its an inside thing. Gratefully, I found the lost 19 injections after my pressure releasing cry and I got an extra hour of overtime in too. I know now what I did not know then? Guess so.
That gets whispered in a hush
So today was only a LITTLE stressful here at work. I had no idea I was going to be the one responsible for my boss's earnings. The report I do is what she gets paid commission off of, which is fine except I didn't find out until 3 pm this after noon and my accuracy still was amiss by 19 out of 413 injections. There were some tears. I don't particularly take to pressure well. I used to cry the night before anything that seemed remotely major when I was little, whether it be a social science project or deciding which college I wanted to go to, I cry under pressure. It always screws everyone around me up too because not very many people with as averagely serious an attitude as myself cry. That's what happens though when you cross my Mom and Dad: a serious cryer.
A friend of mine asked me how my day was a month or so ago and I looked right at her with this very intense, emtional look and said in a not so nice voice with steam coming out of my ears, "Unbelievably Bad, how's yours?" and smiled. She jumped about ten feet and retorted, "Sorry, I am not used to honesty." That is the only way I know how to be with my emtotions though. Honest. That day was unbelievably bad. Today, I am a serious cryer. It's a lot better than being dishonest or numb. But it is like no one likes to talk about emotions except therapists. Guess its an inside thing. Gratefully, I found the lost 19 injections after my pressure releasing cry and I got an extra hour of overtime in too. I know now what I did not know then? Guess so.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
This is a fine kettle of fish you have gotten yourself in this time
So I went yesterday to Walmart for a simple challenge. There was nothing special about the visit: no shopping. Absolutely no shopping. Usually, with this mind set I can go in and get out with out spending more than intended. Do you know how much a quilt hoop costs? 75 cents. So I reach into my purse to hunt for my dollar at the register while standing in line. I hunt. I hunt some more. No dollar. Debit card. Never used that at Walmart before, wonder if it works.....................
I spent $27 on a quilt hoop. Guess the debit card works. It turns out that our Walmart is going to be a super Walmart here soon. There is a whole grocery section now and it is half of what I would spend in the trendy grocery stores and I don't have to have a card to get the price on the shelf. HOW exciting. I felt like I was in the Richway next to my Grandmama and Papa's house in Decatur. There was everything. Somethings I couldn't reach. That was nerve racking. But it gave me the feel of being little again and going to the Richway. I ended up using a cart and everything. I couldn't believe it. I went in for 75 cents. The wacko thing is that if I write a check at Walmart, they won't take it because it is on their non-activated list, whatever that is, but they have no problem taking the card. Imagine that. Ugh. Walmart takes my debit card. Now my urges to go in there will triple. The nice thing about yesterday was that I had the Volvo touch and had the very closest spot in the parking lot. Now that, my friends, takes talent in this rural life. Although I am not sure how much longer Cornelia will be rural. The paper published the ground breaking for a Lowe's behind the old Habersham Bank. Now there will be a Lowe's light and a Walmart light. (This is like the Old Oak Tree directional guide: you go through the Walmart light, go on down past the Dairy Queen and make a left at the feed store and that will take you straight to the square......never mind the other stop lights or that the feed store is unmarked and if closed then you miss it altogether and end up in Mt. Airy. ) I think I am going to have to put myself on a twenty dollar restriction for Walmart now that it is so tantalizing. Oh my...............
So I went yesterday to Walmart for a simple challenge. There was nothing special about the visit: no shopping. Absolutely no shopping. Usually, with this mind set I can go in and get out with out spending more than intended. Do you know how much a quilt hoop costs? 75 cents. So I reach into my purse to hunt for my dollar at the register while standing in line. I hunt. I hunt some more. No dollar. Debit card. Never used that at Walmart before, wonder if it works.....................
I spent $27 on a quilt hoop. Guess the debit card works. It turns out that our Walmart is going to be a super Walmart here soon. There is a whole grocery section now and it is half of what I would spend in the trendy grocery stores and I don't have to have a card to get the price on the shelf. HOW exciting. I felt like I was in the Richway next to my Grandmama and Papa's house in Decatur. There was everything. Somethings I couldn't reach. That was nerve racking. But it gave me the feel of being little again and going to the Richway. I ended up using a cart and everything. I couldn't believe it. I went in for 75 cents. The wacko thing is that if I write a check at Walmart, they won't take it because it is on their non-activated list, whatever that is, but they have no problem taking the card. Imagine that. Ugh. Walmart takes my debit card. Now my urges to go in there will triple. The nice thing about yesterday was that I had the Volvo touch and had the very closest spot in the parking lot. Now that, my friends, takes talent in this rural life. Although I am not sure how much longer Cornelia will be rural. The paper published the ground breaking for a Lowe's behind the old Habersham Bank. Now there will be a Lowe's light and a Walmart light. (This is like the Old Oak Tree directional guide: you go through the Walmart light, go on down past the Dairy Queen and make a left at the feed store and that will take you straight to the square......never mind the other stop lights or that the feed store is unmarked and if closed then you miss it altogether and end up in Mt. Airy. ) I think I am going to have to put myself on a twenty dollar restriction for Walmart now that it is so tantalizing. Oh my...............
Monday, December 01, 2003
I had to go see about a girl....
So I had a tremendous week. I have been going and going like an Energizer Bunny since last Tuesday. I think spending time with family does that to you. Or maybe it is just the holidays in general. Tuesday night I went to a family dinner for Thanksgiving and it was awesome. There were about 150 people there. I kind of consider them my mountain family. They are all the people who have made the trasition to moving up here in the mountains a little bit easier. It was good to see a couple of people who had moved away and there were some new babies too. The food was better this year too. Sometimes you end up with dry turkey when you feed that many people, but they seem to make everything perfect this year.
Thursday was so nice. John went with me to Thanksgiving dinner at my Uncle Bobby's house. It was nice to see everyone again. Little Jack was so toddly. He had that foot slamming thing going on that almost made him tip but not quite. One of the perkiest things about the meal was the banoffee pie. Go Pam. She made a banana/toffee pie that was killer. She is in the up and up in my book. This is the second cool creation she has brought to the family (the first was the apple dip that Mom brought this year, but really is Pam's thing). Good tidings to she,Bill and Little Jack as they bought a house that is only about 45 minutes away from me. Maybe I will go and find out about making those banoffee pies since she is just around the corner.
Friday I had to work. We got 1800lbs of popcorn in for gifts for all the doctors we serve. Can you imagine 1800 lbs of popcorn? They actually sent us 20 extra boxes full because there was some inconvience of something so as a perq they sent extra. Guess what the Green Family is getting for Christmas? Haha. JK. Allthough I don't think it would bother anyone because of the amount of popcorn our family eats on a regular basis. They are cool tins too. I also stuffed 250 Christmas Cards and began the addressing process. Caligraphy. It is not as hard as I thought it would be. Mostly it just takes time. I finished the end of them today. They seemed never ending. We are also planning for our Christmas Party on the 9th of December. Man, marketing is all about the social escapades. It is teaching me a lot working here. If I ever am able to entertain, I will seriously know what to do. The marketing team here is so professional and high end. I like it though. I guess I like it because I don't have to go out into the field which makes things easier. No sales for me thank you. I just do the prep work.
Saturday was my relaxation day. I went to the movie store and conjured up Finding Nemo, which is absolutely fabulous, and Monster's Ball, which.......nevermind, although Halle Berry deserved her oscar, but the movie its self was weird; and an old favorite. I will let everyone guess on that one. It goes with the quote. I also worked on Megan's baby quilt which I should have finished had I not broken my quilting hoop. I am going to Walmart today to get another one. I had a wonderful roaring fire going all day. The weather on Saturday was a steady 40 degrees all day and then dropped off the scales Saturday night. OH!! I forgot to tell you it snowed in Sautee on Friday night! How wonderful was that. It was like driving through a fairy land you see on someone's mantle. It stuck to the sides of the roads, but not on the roads. That just tells me that when it snows here at the end of December, it is going to stay for a while. Apparently it used to be like that on a regular occasion up here and the past couple years there hasn't really been too much snow. Someone said that the snow this year will be exciting.
Sunday was different. John's brother was in town so he rounded up his boys and we all went down to Atlanta to visit. His brother was at his Mom's but came into Atlanta to stay a while and visit with all the Georgia folks. John's Dad met up with up too. We all went to do Atlanta stuff so we ate at the Hardrock Cafe and went to see the orchid exhibit at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. I had never been to the latter before, but the Gardens were cool and the orchids were tremendous. The were so different and beautiful. There were all kinds from Peru and the Andes to just anything you could imagine. Some of them were carnivourous and some not. It was cool. It was a nice visit with everyone. I was very thankful however with the time to be home last night. I got a fire going even though it wasn't all that cold. I just find comfort in the fires. I lit candles and rested. It was nice. I talked on the phone a bit. I got some sad news that my long time friend, Alan, is for sure going to the middle east. He flies C130's for the Airforce and is leaving by the end of the week. He will probably be there for quite some time and will miss the Christmas Holiday altogether. That was not something I was all that grateful for, but I know that he is serving his country and that is important. I just hope he comes home safe. I think he will be there for a year.
Hurray, today is aerobics and bridge. I didn't get in all my excercising like I wanted to last week because of the days the gym was closed, but hopefully I can work off that banoffee and slide comfortably back into a work out routine. Goodness, this seemed like a long holiday. I can't wait till Christmas though. That is an even cooler holiday with more excitement and merriement.
So I had a tremendous week. I have been going and going like an Energizer Bunny since last Tuesday. I think spending time with family does that to you. Or maybe it is just the holidays in general. Tuesday night I went to a family dinner for Thanksgiving and it was awesome. There were about 150 people there. I kind of consider them my mountain family. They are all the people who have made the trasition to moving up here in the mountains a little bit easier. It was good to see a couple of people who had moved away and there were some new babies too. The food was better this year too. Sometimes you end up with dry turkey when you feed that many people, but they seem to make everything perfect this year.
Thursday was so nice. John went with me to Thanksgiving dinner at my Uncle Bobby's house. It was nice to see everyone again. Little Jack was so toddly. He had that foot slamming thing going on that almost made him tip but not quite. One of the perkiest things about the meal was the banoffee pie. Go Pam. She made a banana/toffee pie that was killer. She is in the up and up in my book. This is the second cool creation she has brought to the family (the first was the apple dip that Mom brought this year, but really is Pam's thing). Good tidings to she,Bill and Little Jack as they bought a house that is only about 45 minutes away from me. Maybe I will go and find out about making those banoffee pies since she is just around the corner.
Friday I had to work. We got 1800lbs of popcorn in for gifts for all the doctors we serve. Can you imagine 1800 lbs of popcorn? They actually sent us 20 extra boxes full because there was some inconvience of something so as a perq they sent extra. Guess what the Green Family is getting for Christmas? Haha. JK. Allthough I don't think it would bother anyone because of the amount of popcorn our family eats on a regular basis. They are cool tins too. I also stuffed 250 Christmas Cards and began the addressing process. Caligraphy. It is not as hard as I thought it would be. Mostly it just takes time. I finished the end of them today. They seemed never ending. We are also planning for our Christmas Party on the 9th of December. Man, marketing is all about the social escapades. It is teaching me a lot working here. If I ever am able to entertain, I will seriously know what to do. The marketing team here is so professional and high end. I like it though. I guess I like it because I don't have to go out into the field which makes things easier. No sales for me thank you. I just do the prep work.
Saturday was my relaxation day. I went to the movie store and conjured up Finding Nemo, which is absolutely fabulous, and Monster's Ball, which.......nevermind, although Halle Berry deserved her oscar, but the movie its self was weird; and an old favorite. I will let everyone guess on that one. It goes with the quote. I also worked on Megan's baby quilt which I should have finished had I not broken my quilting hoop. I am going to Walmart today to get another one. I had a wonderful roaring fire going all day. The weather on Saturday was a steady 40 degrees all day and then dropped off the scales Saturday night. OH!! I forgot to tell you it snowed in Sautee on Friday night! How wonderful was that. It was like driving through a fairy land you see on someone's mantle. It stuck to the sides of the roads, but not on the roads. That just tells me that when it snows here at the end of December, it is going to stay for a while. Apparently it used to be like that on a regular occasion up here and the past couple years there hasn't really been too much snow. Someone said that the snow this year will be exciting.
Sunday was different. John's brother was in town so he rounded up his boys and we all went down to Atlanta to visit. His brother was at his Mom's but came into Atlanta to stay a while and visit with all the Georgia folks. John's Dad met up with up too. We all went to do Atlanta stuff so we ate at the Hardrock Cafe and went to see the orchid exhibit at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. I had never been to the latter before, but the Gardens were cool and the orchids were tremendous. The were so different and beautiful. There were all kinds from Peru and the Andes to just anything you could imagine. Some of them were carnivourous and some not. It was cool. It was a nice visit with everyone. I was very thankful however with the time to be home last night. I got a fire going even though it wasn't all that cold. I just find comfort in the fires. I lit candles and rested. It was nice. I talked on the phone a bit. I got some sad news that my long time friend, Alan, is for sure going to the middle east. He flies C130's for the Airforce and is leaving by the end of the week. He will probably be there for quite some time and will miss the Christmas Holiday altogether. That was not something I was all that grateful for, but I know that he is serving his country and that is important. I just hope he comes home safe. I think he will be there for a year.
Hurray, today is aerobics and bridge. I didn't get in all my excercising like I wanted to last week because of the days the gym was closed, but hopefully I can work off that banoffee and slide comfortably back into a work out routine. Goodness, this seemed like a long holiday. I can't wait till Christmas though. That is an even cooler holiday with more excitement and merriement.
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