hold on to the thread
the currents will shift

So, yesterday was nice. Mostly it was boring. We have been in process to train a new marketing associate. He is a man. This is strange. He is the third male in the company. There are almost 75 of us total and he is only the third male. Mostly, this contradicts every place I have ever worked, however it is a nice change. Anyway, throw a man amidst a pack of women and poof: Chaos. It used to happen at Agnes Scott all the time. Inevitably, Friday afternoon, someone would scream,”Man on the hall!” and either one of two things would happen: doors would slam all the way down (knowing that it was whoever’s brother) or heads would peek out to see what was walking through. Like I said, chaos. You could tell long before the man walked onto the floor that he was there. It was weird. There is definitely that same air at work. That knowing. Needless to say, it made my job a bit on the long side yesterday. I was grateful for the plans I had made with my girlfriend. I stopped by the coffee shop to ease into the evening. It just takes the buzz right out of my work and allows me to cool off into a comfortable icy drink made special for me by Eric and Anna. After that, I could slip into my comfy clothes of the evening: workout pants, sports bra and a tank top matched up complete with sneakers. Ah, thank goodness for relaxation. I went to Cari’s house and exchanged pictures. She went to Nicaragua for a bit and had some tremendous pictures of people and life there outside of Managua. Oof, was that a bad place, beautiful, but sad. She snagged all kinds of duplicates of the Indigo Girls concert. Then we got into politics. It amazes me how little folks are informed. She was totally in the dark about elections and who was running, who she should vote for and on and on and on. So we talked until about time the sun went down. It was comfy being at her home. I had to go on because I needed groceries (coffee and milk, two essentials to the morning routine). I went down to Clarkesville to get them. It was out of the way, but the drive down 197 is just irresistible. Beauty at its best: there is something about the curves cut into the mountains main-framed by a river. It makes for a great drive. I took the short and sweet, straight and narrow back to the apartment. By the time I got home and curled into bed with lights out, I knew I had had a good day. I thanked God by saying my prayers and headed off into wonderland.

You come regular like seasons shadowing my dreams…


So my personal crap is limiting my ability to talk of any particular subject for the blog. All it makes me realize is how consuming things can be when I let them. It has been a tough couple of weeks and I am sure that it is not over yet. I am grateful that it has given me the ability to get a few things done though. My bedroom is back together. I have found someone to take my excess furniture off my hands and I am in process of becoming a serious stripper. Thank goodness for the bedroom. My bedroom looks like me. It looks like who I am supposed to be as opposed to who I have been pretending to be. Strangely enough, it reminds me of my grandmother. I am not sure why, but it does. I can’t decide if it is the head board or the quilt or the placement or the light, but it is something and it is comforting. Some people talk of angels watching over them. Family Circus has an entire plot line that goes along with grandparents turning into angels who watch us from above, which maybe where I get the idea from, but just the same, I recognized that my grandmother was a part of me last night. It was nice. I hope that I can be as kind, loving and spiritual as she was some day. I found someone to take the love seat and big chair off my hands. They seem to be seriously in the way and seeing as I get no use out of them and am really not liking the pattern or style, I am giving them to someone who needs them. Hopefully, they will be moved soon and I will have more room for things I like and are useful. Yesterday I went to the hardware store and had a really nice lady help me get all the things I need to strip my furniture. I tried for about thirty minutes trying to follow instructions on how to get the child proof cap to turn on the “Strip-Ease.” Yeah, never budged. So what I finally did was to use my head and used the back side of the hammer and popped off the child lock and then pried open the “screw on/off” cap. Somehow in the midst of that, I managed to maintain the cap so it would reseal the strip stuff. Amazing. At first the strip stuff really didn’t work. Turns out there is some type of sealant on the furniture (antiquing?) that has to be broken down then, once the sealant is gone, the finish cracks and strips right off like it’s supposed. I didn’t get a good crackle until this morning and then it was time for work. But at least it works. I will probably work some more on it tonight. I am supposed to meet up with a girlfriend and exchange pictures and stories tonight. She went to Nicaragua and we both went to the Indigo Girls. I want to see her pictures of Nic and she of IG. Hopefully there will be some time in there for scraping. I started on the smallest piece first just in case I really screwed up. Thank goodness it is okay. Soon, all the furniture will be me. Ah, well who would guess that this entry would write its self. Hurray.

The hardest to learn was the least complicated…

Wow, What a concert!! The Indigo Girls Rock!! I got three rolls of film too. I was so excited. I have never taken such good pics. Out of 72 pictures I had six bad ones. That is amazing! Baby Iris had a great time. If I knew how to post the pictures I would, but I don’t, so I won’t. I can’t wait to show everyone the pics. I am going to set them up in an album. The crowd wasn’t very cool though. Indigo Girls came out on stage and I stood up and cheered to realize that I was one of two people screaming for them. The other was my girlfriend Megan, although she was two levels up from me, because we got separated. I had to sit back down. I was so embarrassed. After a while though, I didn’t care. I was dancing and singing and taking crazy pictures and just having a great time. We all got the same t-shirts and were as sisters as sisters get for the whole night. I love women. They create great memories.

Sunday seemed as though it would never end because I was so tired from the Sat night concert. I didn’t get home until 1:30 AM! I used to stay out until four in the morning all the time, now, I am warped by ten and to be out until the AM was really hard on my body. I ached from my tip of my head to the tips of my toes. I watched movies, painted a bit and had to go to district. I was so tired that I was in bed by 9:45 last night.

The other cool thing is that my apartment is almost done painting too. I am so grateful. All I have to do now is put it back together. Thank goodness. I am so tired of it being in disarray. I was inspired Saturday morn and just up and painted my bedroom and the trim in the bathroom and in the bedroom. Thank goodness. So hopefully, this evening I will be in my bed in my bedroom! That will be so nice. I am going to strip and refinish my bedroom furniture, but not this week. Man, my place is a wreck. I have got to get some semblance of order before I work on any other projects. Hopefully, the refinishing will be more organized: next weekend, maybe or the next. Who knows, we shall see. July is such a social thing. I have three out of four weekends booked already for July and am not even through June! Sometimes, months are just like that though. July is just like that. I guess I will refinish when I am supposed to refinish and not before.

The OCD says to waiting room of the depressed: “What if this is as good as it gets?”

So my boss has decided to make it her mission to convince me to a) vote for Bush and b) become a capitalist. Unfortunately for her she doesn’t realize that a) I am a Green and b) I went to Agnes Scott. She asked me questions that I haven’t answered since college and today, since all of my tasks are completed and my ducks in a row, I am studying capitalism and socialism. Who would guess that I would have the opportunity to define my reasoning? Something inside of me questioned my validity and I just had to look it up. I think that I needed clarification and the ability to specify as the topic will probably grow over time especially with the presidential election on the horizon. I needed to arm myself for battle and I felt like there were chinks in my armor. The more and more I get my hands dirty into the ideology of capitalism, the more I realize that even if I didn’t believe in it, I am a part of it. I can’t wait to hear what is listed in the socialism aspect. Something tells me that I am not going to find anymore favor in it than I do in the capitalistic pov. When I think of socialism I always remember reading Animal Farm in high school. I don’t want to be poor and ruled by pigs are the main thoughts that cross my mind. Surely there is a mesh that creates a better society. I grasp that there is not Utopia, but I sure wish there were. I am glad I was born here in the U.S.; I got lucky

They sound tired but they don’t sound Haggard
They money but they don’t have Cash
They’ve got Junior but they don’t have Hank!

I was so proud of myself last night. I got home about six thirty pumped and ready to paint. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail, put on my painting outfit (cut off jean shorts and a bandana t-shirt), pulled out the bucket of paint. I cleaned the rollers. I recovered my new/old furniture, which was stacked out of the way, with plastic. I began to stir up the paint. I am stirring and stirring and stirring. It never turned yellow. So I look on the top again to see what color I pulled. It is marked yellow, but it is the white for the trim. So I go to search for the right can of paint. I dig and dig. No paint. I am out of paint. It has taken me forever to get to a point to paint this crazy room and now that I am ready, God says no. Imagine that? Guess I am not ready to paint the bedroom. So I went to Home Depot to get some more yellow paint. I bought a new brush while I was at it. It took up my whole night. Guess I will work on the bathroom for a while before I try that trick again. My bathroom is also still not painted. It will take some real work due to all the nooks and crannies in it. Looks like that it the order of things. I couldn’t believe that I was out of paint. I still can’t believe that I was out of paint. Geez.

there's just enough of you in me,
for me to have sympathy

Well, every time I come home I realize how much of my parents' daughter I truly am. Last night the coveted "Green Dinner" that was for sale at Dad's silent auction, was fulfilled. When I got here last night there were two mammoth young men, who as it turns out are highschool football players, sitting on the couch who were the guest of honors to recieve the "Green Dinner." One of their moms was here too. The more the conversations progressed through the night the more I came to realize how much of a musician I really am. I should have gone on and gotten my degree in music. Should of's aren't really worth anything though. However, I realize that I probably know more about music than the average bear. The other thing that happened that makes me really their kid, as if there was any doubt, I woke up in the early morning sneezing. My Dad and brother have the worst allergies. I think I am allergic to the folks place. Aug. It was such a fit to wake up to and at such an early time! I am still stuffy. I am such a Green.

And you say you had money, you better be sure
'Cause these hard times will drive you from door to door

You know those moments where all the sudden you realize that you are one of those people? You know, those people who always look so stupid going slow in the fast lane. Or those people who just won't get off their cell phone and drive. When you beccome one of those people, it hits you like a ton of bricks and you are embarassed unbelievably so and no one knows except you and the millions of people surrounding you in Atlanta Traffic. My Uncle Oze found it funny my observation/accident traffic last time I was on my way to my parents. I realize why. The thing I don't realize is why these little moments of life happen to me on my way to the folks place. Gosh, today's moment was tough. I was tooling along, windows were down, pony tailed hair flyin away in the wind going 35 miles an hour. I turned on my new Indigo Girls cd and cranked it up. I'm weavin in and out, tryin to see which lane is the best lane to get going in. The fifth song cuts out and all of the sudden I hear a small but rigorously consistent: click, click, click......my blinker has been on the whole cd. Yes, today I was one of those people.

I’m just a lazy orange house cat…

So I have managed to decide that I want to paint my bedroom, yet I haven’t managed to actually follow through with the action. Strange. I pulled everything out of my bedroom except the bed frame because it has swollen shut due to humidity. Pulled the paint cans out of the closet and set them up with rollers and bought new cut-in brushes. I have even figure a way to cover everything immobile. I just can’t actually paint. I can’t seem to find the umph necessary to paint that room. My spiritual advisor says that it is a part of my transformation into a butterfly. Once I clean that area of my life up that it will just paint away. I guess so. That is how it has happened with every other room, which is probably why it has taken me a small lifetime to paint.

So, in the process of all this procrastination, I have decided that I don’t like the bedroom furniture and am going home to get mine and give my current furniture back to the person who gave it to me. Dad said that he was going to refinish my bedroom suite and I think I like that idea. A girlfriend of mine can do it. She used to do it for a living and I don’t see why she can’t teach me a bit, too. It should be fun. I am sure it is work, but it will be good for me: teach me a new skill. It may end up just like the painting though, takes forever to do now that I have made up my mind it’s what I want to do. I can’t wait until I grow up and am filthy rich and can hire people to do this type thing for me.

We are better off for all the things that we let in…

While I am not having the best of weeks, things could be a lot worse and have been a lot worse in my small lifetime. The thing that I value more than anything in my life is the relationships that I continue growing within, the contact that I have with others. I think the reason that I value these relationships is that they are the source and a connection that I have with God. Sometimes I see God working in the events around me, but when I am sitting in the middle of fear, I don’t see God. The only thing I have the ability to cling to is people. Somehow, they talk me out of the fear and bring me back into reality and those monsters that were so large and so horrible are not so bad for a while. Fear seems so devastating when I am in the midst of it. Thank goodness for those who love me. When I let others into my life, my life gets better. Every time, without fail, it happens just that way. No matter how dark it gets, when the clouds cover and the thunder starts, all I have to do is call, write, visit or love those who love me and everything is better off.

My wife, my wife has six thousands different kinds of smiles…..

So my life feels like it is in overdrive and today, it slowed down significantly. It has been going so intense and so quickly that my boss told me I could cut work early and go see a movie. Ho w many bosses tell you that?

So Saturday was good. I went to a ten year old birthday party. It was a UGA theme and everyone wore black and red. The ten year old got enough Georgia stuff to last her until she is at least 16. The coolest gift though was a mountain bike. By far the thing she liked the most. I liked it too. It was a girl’s bike without being too girly and to a ten year old girl who claims tomboy-hood that is really important. It was great fun. I took a whole role of film, which as it turns out, my boyfriend told me after the fact that it was black and white. So it means I have to go to Atlanta to get it processed because there isn’t a real camera place around here (WalMart Photo Lab said they would have to send it off!). I had no idea that I had black and white in there. Ah, such is life.

Then Sunday, John and I went to the family shin-dig. Pam and Bill in their fancy new home hosted the get together. Wow, on the home. Wow, on the amount of family that showed up. I don’t think that much of the family has been in one place in a really long time. Emily talked about how far out Pam lived at Christmas time and I was so grateful at how close she was. She is now the officially closest family. All of the McCallums were there: four brothers and sister. Imagine that. It was great fun and fellowship. I was really glad to see Uncle George and it was nice to see Uncle Carter smiling genuinely. Uncle Oze and Bobby were good to see too and Mom, well, Mom is by far the best of the five. I might be slightly biased though seeing as she gave me life and all.

I was grateful to get home on Sunday. As much as I love and appreciate my family, I think I have found my home here in the mountains. I really love the area and my mountain family is really important to me too. Although, if Uncle George really does move to Asheville, I would say that it would be tempting to go there. I just really like the mountains. There is something about them. I was so glad to see my mountain family Sunday night. It was a real sigh of relief.

The past two days at work have been stressed to the max. I have been here until six both days and have not had lunch. It is amazing how freaky the marketing dept is when all the people are marketing at one time. The nice thing is that the prep is over and now I get to relax and go back to reports and data stuff because instead of prepping, they are marketing and it will be a while before they return (like next week!). Then it will be all hell breaking loose all over again. It happens like that. Storm, then calm, storm, then calm. Luckily, the beach boys will be moving in here soon and then it will be storm all the time, no calm. That’s okay. That is when I am at my best.

Hurray for movie day today. I think I am going to see The Stepford Wives. I can’t figure out what it is about and all Mom says is that it is scary. I counted on it being scary because Christopher Walken is in it. He just freaks me out. So I guess I will go find out at four today.

Tra-la, no marketing people. Tra-la, tra-la, tra-la.

come to send, not condescend
transcendental consequence
is to transcend where we are
who are we? who we are

So yesterday, I was talking to Mom on the computer, talking to Christine in my cubicle and talking on the phone all at the same time. AHHH. Having two conversations typically I am okay with however, three is a bit much for even me. The weird part is that that happened to me four or five times yesterday. Hey Rachel, hey Rachel, hey Rachel…..all at the same time. Crazy. I have no idea if I got any of the answers right or if I made any sense in any of the conversations at all. Hope so. Amazing.

Oh yeah
Ready, ready, ready, ready...ready to run
All I'm ready to do is have some fun
What's all this talk about love

OH man, I know that Christina and Carter and Sarah just love to run, but man, has it ever been a struggle to get into running this week. I tell ya, there is nothing easy about it. On Monday I went for my first run in a hundred years. I ran for 21 minutes which was eight tenths of a mile one way according to the Saturn trip meter. It was so hard just to keep moving. My legs began to hurt before I even left for work. Then, Tuesday, I couldn’t move, so I stayed home and rested well. Then Wednesday, I ran for 20 minutes, but didn’t make it nearly as far. I was running so slowly, but I was trying to get my muscles to work out so that they would repair themselves. Sure enough it worked. This morning when I went for a run I went for twenty-two minutes and went the initial length and it didn’t get grueling until the last little bit of it. So I repeated to myself: “God’s beauty, God’s grace,” over and over again. I don’t really know what the significance of the phrase was, it was just what came to mind. It helped me keep moving and not walk though. My muscles were warm today. I actually took a cool shower when I got back to the apartment. Today at work, I actually have had my legs crossed all day. Now, for most people that is nothing, but for someone who hasn’t been able to move for a while and has been too heavy to do so, it is so comforting. I was so grateful that my muscles were loosened that I wore a dress to work today. I have heard that running is the fastest way to lose weight and I believe it. Hopefully, from here on out, it will be peaceful easy feeling, because I don’t ever want to go through the pain I was in on Tuesday again. I will probably run every day for the rest of my life, or at least until I am forty. Especially, if I get to a point where I can solve the world’s problems while on a nice long run. I can’t imagine that, but apparently it happens. Mostly, it takes everything I have to put one foot in front of the other at a faster pace than a walk. Gosh, it’s hard. I do like running in the morning though before it is hot or before there is anyone on the roads. The morning is so still and quiet. I love it. Mountains are just awesome in the mornings. That is the part that keeps me running is the mountains.

My brother Freddie said that you only get three wishes.

So In America is one of this year’s greatest movies. I don’t know why I didn’t know about it until DVD, however, now that I have seen it, I love it. The two sisters in it are phenomenal child actresses and the story is so gripping. It is the essence of America. Oh, just rent it. It is great.

So Russell, What is it that you love about music?

Well, to begin with…everything.

How is it that people don’t listen to the radio yet claim to love music? I think that folks don’t get music like I get music sometimes. My super boss “just loves” music. Although, when I used her car to go to the printers today, none of her radio stations were programmed and she only had six cd’s available! How can you “just love” music when you obviously don’t listen to it? Crazy. I have music on 24/7. Never is it the same from one day to the next either. People think that I am insane because of all the music I listen to all the time. While I am crazy, I don’t know that music has anything to do with it. Music highlights my life. I can hear a song on the radio or the melody out of a piece and I have memories associated with them. Great example: Rodeo by Aaron Copeland: goes with my final my freshman year for Music 102. There are hundreds of them that do that. They show up on the stereo and boom another memory. Indigo Girls (any song) go straight to the halls of Winship at ASC. Happy Girl: driving around Decatur when I worked for Outback. Jesus Jones’ “Right Here, Right Now” goes with dancing in the rain with Emily at the pool. It goes on and on. Sometimes I forget that I am a musician until something like what happened today happens. I turned the radio on and there was static. Nothing. The station was 87.8 FM. Can you imagine? I don’t know that I could ever go through life with out music. I wouldn’t make it. Can you see Harry Potter flying through the air without John Williams in the background? Never. Not happening. Ever. I love everything about music. Crazy.

You want to come with me to Morocco?

YES, yes, yes……ask me again.

You wanna come?

Yes, yes, yes……k.

It’s all happening.

It’s all happening.

So this weekend was fun. Friday night I went with friends to Fogo de Chao. It was great. I love that place. It is all you can eat Brazilian style. There were about nine of us and it was great fun. Saturday, I saw the new Potter. I love having a local theatre. I went to the noon showing. It was scheduled in the oversized theatre to compensate for the crowds; however, almost no one came to the noon showing. There was a huge line for the next showing though. It was cool. I am not a book reader, so I can’t compare it to the books. I am just a movie go-er, which means if the movie is good enough, I will read the book (i.e. Cold Mountain). I was really surprised in this Potter, he was angrier than I thought they would allow a children’s hero to be. An avid Potter groupie who I bumped into after the film at the coffee shop said that Potter is much darker in the book than he was even in the movie. He is copying the audio book for me on an MP3 so that I can listen to the books on MP3. Not that I have anything to play them on. He said that it should play on maybe my car cd player, my dvd player or at least if nothing else, my computer. So I guess soon I will have listened to the books even if I haven’t read them! HA! I read the first one in Detox, which was good for me. I am still surprised at how dark Potter is. It was a little disturbing. After that I dawdled at home before going to meet with friends and talk about God. Then I went to John’s farm. I tell ya. I love the farm. It is so relaxing. We went to brunch with the boys on Sunday and then I went to District which was in Blairsville. Talk about a beautiful city. The only down side is that it is built around the giganto four lane and only lasts for a second. It reminded more of North Carolina than of Georgia. It is prettier than, well almost, Sautee.

I don’t know, I went running this morning for the first time in a hundred years to compensate for the gym going bankrupt and I was running past this field that separates my road from Chimney Mountain Road, it has the most awesome backdrop of the mountains. It made getting up early worth it. I hate running, but I don’t have much of a choice. The gym doesn’t actually close until Friday, but I wanted to get a jump on things. I figure this way, my body will adjust to having to get up earlier and to the physical morning exertion that will occur. I only ran for 21 minutes this morning. I figure start little and get bigger. Also, I didn’t realize how much it takes me to wake up in the morning. It took me like ten minutes just to get my eyes to work. The run was hard. I never work out this hard in the gym. I guess that is a good thing though. It means that I will lose weight faster and tone better with not near as much time spent on it. Now I am tired, but not haggard. I am also hungry and it is only ten-thirty! I kind of planned on that though and brought grapes. I think I will try a bottle of water too. Oh, changing behavior is so difficult. Adjustment is everything. If I can just get through the adjustment, I will be fine. I figure it will take about a week, maybe ten days for my body to accommodate for the earlier wake up and a the working out outside as opposed to inside. Running past the mountains really made the run worth it. Hopefully, I will get to go farther with time and will be able to see more beautiful sites in my area of Sautee. That kind of promise gives me hope which fuels that fire to get better.

Make new friends, but keep the old:
Some are silver, Some are gold…

So who knew that my big sister from Agnes Scott would be so cool after all this time? I felt like Carter yesterday. Well, as much as I perceive Carter to be. My girlfriend Vicki came up to visit me. She was on her way back from her month long vacation. She and her daughter were traveling around the east coast and took time to stop in little old Sautee. We did all kinds of things. We walked the strip in Helen, which in all the time I have lived here I hadn’t done until yesterday. We went to the smallest covered bridge in Georgia, which is in Sautee. We went to the coffee shop and reminisced with a fellow graduate of ASC. To sum up the day we ate at my favorite restaurant, Alice’s Restaurant. I went to meet with friends and talk about God while she settled Reagan in for the night. When I came back we had a super slumber party at my house. It was fun. This morning I was so not used to having a little one in the house. I was extra careful to be quiet and in the process of being quiet, forgot my coffee. Erg. Of all of the women who I came into contact with in college, I thought for sure she would be the one I would lose forever. I drank when she got married and I drank when she graduated, trying desperately to put that she was gone out of my mind. It was like if I drank enough it wouldn’t happen, she wouldn’t go away. Strangely, she didn’t but not because of my drinking. I think it is just a God thing. She is the one I have had the opportunity to stay in touch with the most. I would have thought it would have been Elise or Meg who would have stuck around, but neither of those women are present in my life anymore, which is sad, even though it seems to be the right thing. I just knew that because Vicki married a military man early on before we even graduated that she would disappear and she didn’t. She holds an ever present spot in my heart, in my mind and in my prayers. Somehow when I left her and Reagan this morning in the apartment, I drove through the Sautee valley with the Fish in the background playing some of my favorite Jars of Clay, and having a sense of peace, like everything was good and right like it was supposed to be. I am so grateful that she is a part of my life. I had no idea that one day we would each be sober, each of our own volition, but we are. It is unusual to see someone after such a long period of time. She is so grown up. So am I, I guess. She spoke of bringing her husband with her next time. He is in Bagdad right now, but will hopefully be home soon. It means that she will be coming back. Well, hopefully. That would be so cool. Then I would be like my parents who have friends who just show up out of nowhere and stay. Who would ever guess that I would be an adult? Adult enough to have an old friend stay at my house and go to dinner and have children? My goodness, I am not sure if I like this or not. I mean I like seeing Vicki, but I mean having friends who own houses and have children and husbands and go to church and do all those things that my parents have been doing all my life except now they are happening to me! Ah! Guess this means I really am an adult. Erg. I have fought this point in my life for my whole life, but I wouldn’t trade my half a day with Vicki yesterday for the world, it was so wonderful. I am glad she came for a visit.

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Gosh I am tired, but I had a productive Memorial Day. I hung out with John and one of his sons for a while, then off to the movies with several friends and then home to clean like crazy. I cleaned my bathroom, cleaned my kitchen, cleaned out the refrigerator, went to the grocery store and refilled the refrigerator, cleaned up all of my travel stuff, cleaned the living area so as to pull out everything in the bedroom area into the living area so as to clean and prep for paint. Painting is on the agenda for the evening. I think that this will be the longest ever in painting history. I also prepped all my lunches for the rest of the week, made myself dinner and went to meet with friends to talk about God. I was so exhausted when I got to meet with folks that I have no idea what the heck was talked about or what was said. I just needed to be there. I was supposed to go today at lunch, but after not hearing anything last night, I decided that it would be a waste. I didn’t get into bed until 11:15 and was so wound up I didn’t sleep until well after that. When I go clean crazy, I go clean crazy.

Gosh I am tired, today I cleaned both my boss’s office and my cubicle, so I guess the cleaning crazy isn’t quite out of my system yet. I want to sleep so badly that I think that I am going to skip the gym, go home, take a nap, wake up and paint. I am so tired. I have done my best all day at work to stay away from people because I noticed early on that my tongue was not speaking appropriately. It was making all kinds of mean comments that no one wanted to hear. The upside of being tired is that it breaks me down and keeps me really focused on the task at hand. My ability to multi-task goes right out the window. One task only thank-you.

Gosh I am so tired. I am so surprised by my outfit today. Not only did I manage in my tiredness to make it match, it is a new outfit. Well, not really. One of the things I noticed about shopping with my Mom on Saturday was that it doesn’t make any difference what length the pant leg is. I have had this pair of Liz Claiborne pants that I quit wearing because they were too short. They are really fancy and well made. I couldn’t give them to good will they were so fancy. I found this not so dressy, but nice, shirt, white with black ribbon lining around the neck. Between the too short fancy pants and the sort of nice shirt and my way too tall black sandals, I look like a fashion plate. Who would guess? I was so tired this morning; I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to what I was doing. I expected to get to work with a sock attached to my head like in the comics. Thank goodness God dressed me. He did a great job. I am really tired. I feel like how I have seen my brother feel before: when he would get off the bus from Chamblee after being on it for what seemed like forever. He would have to go home and study forever before he’d just konk out. That is what I want to do: Konk out. I am really tired.