Matthew 25:14-30
The Talents: what will you do with the talent God has given you?

Sunday was a tough hand dealt to the priest. He was given Zephaniah 1:7, 12-18; Psalm 90:1-8; 1 Thessalonias 5:1-11 and Matthew 25: 14-30. All of them are not comfortable passages. And we are Episcopalians so uncomfortability is not where we like to be. We like to be liked. We like happy dealings in the Bible. So his cards read: Be silent before the LORD your GOD (GAWD), which is totally a shoutin methodist's card; We are afraid of your WRATHful indignation, way too baptist; Let us be sober and put on the breastplate of faith and love...doesn't really go with Whiskapalians; all that's left are the talents. It is such a strange passage that I have never really understood before and have even done it in the theatre and not really gotten it. Why would the master punish the slave for keeping his talent? I mean he was not supposed to lose it right?

Father Don put a spin on Matthew that changed my perception. The slave makes a statement: "so I was afraid." Powerful. Fear is so powerful. When God's angel comes to Mary, the first statement is "do not be afraid." Removing the fear clarified the message of the angel to Mary. Back to the servant with the talent, he is afraid. He interprets his master as harsh. No where else in the passage is the master described. His actions with the other two servants show generocity and gratitude, but this one fearful man finds his master as harsh. My priest points out that fear warps our perceptions. When our perception are affected by this fear, our actions become dangerous. We become dangerous to ourselves and to others. And when we act dangerously we begin to believe that we are worthless. Father Don points out that We are not worthless. When we are baptized, we are marked as Christ's own forever and are forever worthy. Doubt is not the opposite of faith, it is faith not yet. Fear is the flipside of Faith.

This is something that I struggle with on a daily basis is my perception. Generally speaking when I see a situation, my initial perception is through the glass bottom of a bottle. Have you ever looked out of the bottom of a bottle? It is a little weird. Not quite right. My perception is never initially quite right. I have to double think when I think. By that I mean that I have an initial thought and then I have to think the right thought: i.e. situation: dog dies, my thought, hmmm....good reason to have a bourbon, right thought: not so much, a drink won't help anything. That is an extreme example. These days it is more like this: my girlfriend dumped me, first thought: evil woman, right thought: gotta pray for her. My perception can harm myself and/or others. I don't know that everyone has to think twice, but I know I do. When I think twice, my talent multiplies and my Master is happy. If I stay in faith it carries me through my warped perception to the other side where fear is removed, faith is ever present and I am always worthy of His love.

Fall has come. It is surrounding my house morning, noon and night. There are heavy dews, falling leaves and winds that make me wonder if this old house I live in will blow over like a pile of sticks. I can't go outside without a sweatshirt and a long pair of pants. My hair is starting to get that winter static that comes with cotton sweaters over my head that there is no way to completely get rid of it until the t-shirts return. My husband who prefers no shirt and no shoes for as long as he can, has given into his jeans, berks and fleece pullovers. The mountains are painted in rustics of reds, yellows, oranges. I left my windows down the other day at sweetwater only to find my seats covered in a patch of leaves. Coffee warms my toes. The feilds are full of lettuce, kale, pumpkins and squashes and sweet peppers. The empty cornstalks are being cleared and fresh dirt is being tilled to prepare for next season. The sun leaves early and night falls just when I feel like it is time for a run. The cows and dogs nestle into the earth as the sun sets to soak in her warmth. The down comforter is out and covers my bed every night. Fall has come.

There is something so uplifting when someone tells you they want to spend time with you.

I have been on cloud nine today because a girl that is a part of a group of girls who I eat lunch with was so excited to see me today. She was so excited that on Monday, for the Fit Camp *exercise class* that I got to, she and four other chicas would be there with me: there would be a total of 6 of us. Us? She put me in the Us category. Who would guess that I would be a part of Us?

Then in the mail, I recieved a letter from the Vice President of Academic Affairs at the college stating that I had been nominated by a faculty member to be in "Who's Who" of the college. ME? Are you sure you don't mean Carter? I mean me? I am not really a Who, I am more of a Grinch on any given day....

Then there is there is that feeling that comes with being included, with being nominated for anything. It makes me happy. It makes me want to be the person that they seem to think I am even more than I already am. It makes me want to be confident, but not overbearing. It makes me want to make good grades. It makes me want to answer questions in class. It makes me want to be the first done with the quiz in class today and know when I am done that I maybe missed something on it, but not enough to matter (I missed 1/2 a point, btw). It makes me want to build a study group for finals. It makes me want to go to the gym or run. It make me want to be Me.

Do you know how long it has been since I have even remotely wanted to be Me? I have wanted to be many people, but never myself. It wasn't so long ago that I started to like parts of me. I like that I blog, scrapbook, play scramble with my Mom & Dad, paint my toes when I want to and I strive daily to be the person God wants me to be. But there are still those things...those things that mmmm...are not so pretty or good or right yet. For some reason, someone saying they want to hang out with me and not just part of me, but all of me, makes me want to be Me even more.

Happy All Saints Day

I would love to say I want to be a Saint, but every Saint I have heard of has gone through something rather painful in order to be qualified as a Saint, and I am suddenly not so interested.

A girlfriend of mine blogged on her faith. I have been mulling over some of mine for about a week now. I was taught as a young person to know what is real and what is fake. Gandalf is fake. Christ is real. Hobbits live in Hobbiton, which is nowhere I can find on planet earth, thus fake. Jerusalem is over there, near a sea in Israel which as I understand it has a great military and fights hard for its boundaries, thusly true. Halloween, is fun, but not real. Christmas is about the birth of Christ, and we celebrate by giving gifts. Not sure about Santa...but he is in the spirit of giving and love for others so what the heck a little false (as long as I know it is false) never hurt anyone.

In the past several years, I have been given great opportunity to repent from my sins, have great faith in God and tell others about Christ. I hang out with a lot of people who have little to no faith in anything. These folks start out with "higher powers" that include, but are not limited to door knobs; pet dragons that sit on their shoulders and are made by beanie babies; a not sure, but know it's not human, HP; Mother Earth; Father Time; Buddha; Christ; Mohamed and yes, even the devil himself. Strangely, the devil worshipper got drunk and killed by the police...mmm, think that is a clue. Don't trust devil?

I chose someone to guide me in my relationship with Christ as it was obvious she had a relationship with Christ. It never occurred to me that GOD would mean good orderly direction or any other nonsense, God was God is God, right?

Lately, that guide dumped me because she needed to take care of herself and pursue her own dreams and blah, blah, blah...

Ever since, I have been trying to make sense of what is real and what is false under her guidance. I have decided that words like "Power" and "Energy" are fake. I have looked everywhere to find out what "own your own Power" means. The reason I can only find it in one place is because the author is making things up to sell books. FAKE!!!!

Also, "you're sending out bad energy" has got to be something left over from the 60's. I can't find that anywhere. Maybe it is in the same location as my aura. In other words: FAKE.

Both of these are old mentor sayings. I am going to stick to other sayings that have basis, like One Day at a Time, from Matthew. Or "Faith without Works is dead" from James. They seem to be real to me and it has been suggested not to throw out everything she taught me. So not everything goes, but somethings, trash....

My parents taught me a long time ago that Halloween was silly fun. Energy and Power are now officially silly but not all that fun.