H....A.....double L......O......double U, double E,N spells Halloween!

So the chocolate crisis and withdrawls should begin first thing tomorrow. The chocolate season began early this year and hopefully it is all gone into the bellies of gouls and goblins this eve. The folks here in the office have brought in chocolate everyday and my face has been the subject of torture of the blemishment. Thankfully, there is a solution: abstinence + change = recovery (of the blimishment!). There is always a solution. I would have to say that my indulgement was not near as bad as last year. Last year was a disaster with candy every single evening my the hand fulls. Thank goodness for the gym too. Man, I feel a lot less guilty because I excercise. It makes me feel good in general. Endorphins are much better than chocolate any day. I don't care what the down with love girls say. There is so much going on the evening I don't even know which to pick. There are balloon rides and fair activities over at the fair grounds and there is a social down in Buford. There are kids trick or treating on the squares (which I fully intend to avoid) and then there is always crazies in Atlanta that might be good just to go and drive around to look at....although I could probably do that on any given night in Atlanta. That is why I love the big city though, never a dull moment. I was called a country bumpkin the other day by a loved one because I don't know my way around Dunwoody area. I am not sure that I am really all that comfortable with that stereo type yet. It made me frown at the sound of it. I am so glad to be at work today. It was good to be plugging away at my NEW COMPUTER!!!! Hahahahaha! I recieved as a gift from the head of the company a FLAT SCREEN!! which to the rest of the world is probably nothing really, but to me it is super cool and I don't have to wait on the crazy thing, it just goes like I was flipping through a magazine. Ahhhhhhh, yes. It also comes with a cd burner and although the IT guy said it wouldn't play cds.....it does. So Dixie Chicks are all the rage in my cubicle world right now. I know that I have gone though any multitude of employment, but things just keep getting better and better with each job. I wonder if it is a trick or a treat.......Today, it is a treat!

I will walk through the darkness if you want me too...........

So............darkness has descended on the Green Family. People say that when death knocks, it is a time of celebration for the person is going with God. Sometimes I get that and other times I don't. Sometimes my fear and selfishness become so overwhelming that God becomes a distant light at the other end of the tunnel that seems as though I will never reach, especially in times of death. The last two deaths that happened to be close to me, I don't really remember. People used to laugh in college when others would drink and do something stupid and the next day not remember. I used to not remember a lot. I would drink on purpose to not remember. I blacked out the last two significant deaths in my life. I was apparently very tyranical with one of them and the other one apparently didn't effect anyone but me. This death is not the same. My insides hurt really badly and I don't want to black out or drink. What I really want to do is make the other members of my family feel better. I know I am not that powerful. I think it is mostly that feeling that I feel horrible so I assume they do too. I don't care for the way I feel and if I could change the way they feel, then I would change the way I feel. This is a myth, a lie.............I get it.

There is a pile of clothes in the middle of my bedroom and I can either: a) go around them b) go over them c) move them around d) put them where they are supposed to go (ie the closet, dresser, what have you). This is the idea behind what is happening inside: I can either:a) deny the feelings b) ignore the feelings c) act like the feelings are there and deal with them later or d) walk through the darkness: feel the feelings until they are done being felt.

I will be away at my grandmother's funeral in Waycross for the next couple days. Hopefully, peace will return in my heart. I know that she is at peace and no longer in pain and that is very comforting to me. I really don't like the fact that she will no longer be here to cut the crusts off my bread, open Christmas gifts or sit with the family as we stand around and sing hymns out of the Baptist hymnal. Her smile, camera, kindness, adventures, waffles, carob, spiritual prescence and love will be missed. If there are angels, I think my Grandmama would qualify. Even through her death she teaches me a new experience.

Shake it like a poloroid picture

So this weekend I did albsolutely nothing. I watched movies, spent time with friends and no mental anguish was exuded whatsoever. Unfortunately, my grandmother is in the hospital, and is not doing so great, but I don't have a whole lot of control on that one. I am afraid to see her there because I know she will be much altered from the last time I saw her, which was at the reunuion and was so happy because she was surrounded by family. So Mama tells me to stay put and I am willing to do that. I am willing to love from afar. The three movies I saw are all worth the renting. I saw the Italian Job, Matrix Reloaded and Charlie's Angels. Italian Job was worth the clean cut-ness of the movie. Thankfully it is not a total remake. Matrix Reloaded was cool because of the effort put in by the actors and crew to make the movie. It is really one movie split in half with the one coming in November. Charlie's Angels is a hysterical parody on the 70's/80's tv show. There are some really bad jokes in it, but overall it is funny. There is also a cameo by Jaqueline whatever her name is that has a clothing line at KMart(?). She is still as beautiful as ever. I really liked the line she delivered--Angels are like diamonds, they can't be made they have to be found. Each are unique. Ahh......lack of chaos. I love it.

Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

So I am doing the aerobic classes at the gym now as opposed to dilly dallying on the machines and making things up as I go along. They were mostly step classes until this week. We began do something called Pilotti's. Apparrently this is a really old work out design from the sixties or something (this is how the woman who is teaching the class explained). When I asked about it to the guy behind the counter as to what it was, he said that it was a selling point to women and that's all he knew. So women all over the gym, which he is right even though he doesn't know why or what, are gaga for Pilotti's Workouts. Mostly, it is nothing more than a cross between atheletics and dance in a very ingenious way. Primarily it concentrates on the area between your "gluts" and "inner thighs" and your "upper abs." The teacher called this the powerhouse. This is the same area that a ballet dancer concentrates on to do some of the things they do such as stand on their toes and not fall over. But then, the different movements that the teacher has us doing seem very...........simple, until you wake up the next day. Apparently, the movements work the body(which I have come to find true for me), but they are not complicated and don't create too great of an amount of pain when in mid action. The only thing I don't really care for is the lack of information on these practices. See, there is no real way to know if you are doing it correctly or not. No one seems to be an officianado on them. At least with ballet or any other dance, it was very apparent who is and who is not. Then there are the aerobics people--they are very distinct. What I find very entertaining is that I have some instructors who.....well let's just say I don't want their body. It is very apparent to me they are not officianados. Then there are the ones who do. My ear wants to listen to those who look the way they talk. The other thing that is most interesting to the Pilotti's technique is that it feels vaguely like the Martha Graham technique or Yoga! I do like the fact that I don't crash out with sweat everywhere and that I can just put on a smile and go home. Mostly the other courses exhausted me and made my face break out because I was sweating so much. This class is like a play session and go home. The waking up the next day is weird though because your abs say things like: why did you do that to me? or your butt says things like: you can't sit here! It is strange. I am taking the day off today though and am going in tomorrow to just tinker on the machines. Hurray for the gym because so far I have lost two sizes! Only two more to go! Hurray!!

I can't imagine not having an imagination, Marilla!

So things are rocking on in the world of Anne. I am a slow book reader because I have a tendency to read four books at one time. Anne turned thirteen last night. It was ever so exciting. I remeber being thirteen. I was a full time baby sitter, a swimmer and a brand new make-up wearer. My big gift for my thirteenth birthday was getting my ears pierced. Funny, today I don't wear make up and my ears are rarely decorated. Anne got puffed sleeves for her Christmas too. She was so elated to wear her puffed sleeved to the Christmas Concert that the school held to sponsor a new school flag. I was so excited to have my earrings and fancy makeup. We had my birthday party with the family up at Bent Tree with the Carter and Bobby McCallums. It was a great day. I was busy that year too. I went to camp, NY, Rock Eagle and Washington DC. Thirteen was grand. Anne makes me think of my own story. She is so much the person I want to be. A friend says that everyone has a great story to tell and that it is the story of our lives. He says that if we could write like the fancy authors like Walt Whitman and Emerson and such, that the story of our lives would be a bestseller every time. I don't know if mine would make a better novel or soap opera. There are days that I wonder.

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles

Someone said once......Gee Rachel, not everyone lives like Waldo Emerson. Sometimes I forget that I live in a beautiful spot of the country, and then it happens. It is the same time every year. The leaves change. The stars are bright. It amazes me at times that I get to see all this and more because in the city, stars are non-existant and leaves are far and few. The mountains look like someone stoked them with any variety of colors of a paint brush. It is awesome. It makes me feel like Anne. That lucky to live in a such a magnificent place.

Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
and sweet you roll

So I am so excited because I am going to my first highschool homecomeing!! No, John didn't leave me and I went bonkers, I am going to the football game not the dance. I can't wait. White County is not all that great, but they are mostly freshman, which is why. I just love football. I am so excited. Tonight it will be brisk and full of excitement. The band will be bright and full of life. The kids will be running about like crazy and football will be all the hype. I am going to bring a warm mug of coffee with me and be all bundled up. I am soo excited! My best girlfriend's daughter made the varsity cheerleading squad as a sophomore! so I have a great excuse to go and have fun. I am awefully tired from yesterday though because my aerobics instructor tried to kill me yesterday, or at least it STILL feels like she did. I didn't make it all the way through the class. I was so excited about making it through the first class, but I didn't make it through the second. Oh well. I am just grateful I am doing it. I should probably go tonight, but I am too excited about the game. I have never been before because they were just not my thing in highschool and people had a tendency to be shot. (Not MY idea of fun!) It's a little different up here, I don't think there will be any shootings (except for maybe at the deer because the season is open and the hunters are OUT!). Hurray!! The weekend is here!

jeepers creepers, where'd you get those creepers?
jeepers creepers, where'd you get them eyes?

So my computer at my desk is not fully loaded yet. Apparently explorer is eating it alive. Today I get to work at my boss's desk though and she has the net. I have been super busy ever since I started work. It is the "we haven't had anybody in the position for too long" catch up game that I have been playing. One of the other benefits of being in my boss's desk is that she has a cd player and Louis is so gentle on the ears when data entry is so hard on the fingers. I had to update a doctor's list today and Ella and Louis are the artists of the morn.

I forget how good routines are. When I was out and about seeking employment, there was not a routine. It threw everything off. I couldn't work out. I got lazy with my chores at home. My life creeped into unmanagability. That is always death defying when it happens. When my life gets to that harry stage where nothing aids except God, I have nothing left: no esteem, no people to talk to, no ability to climb out of the darkness that I have walked into when I have no set agenda for my days. The ideal thing, of course, would be that I would have more time to seek God, but mostly I just lose focus. God forbid that I should ever lose focus of my primary purpose, but losing focus of my life is almost as bad. I am very grateful to be of the employed today. But my point is that I did something new with my routine yesterday. It felt good. Normally, I get up, pray, get ready for work, go to work, go to the gym, eat supper, go meet with friends and talk about God, go home, chores, pray, read, go to sleep. The exception of course is the weekend. But yesterday, instead of doing my routine at the gym, I did an aerobics class. I have never done one before yesterday, but they are not all that bad. It was small: three people and a trainer. It was quite a workout. I was impressed and excited and refreshed. It is kind of like dance. It wasn't all that difficult a all. Apparently, it has been free at the gym all along and I just haven't known it. So hopefully there will be one today too. It really increased the length of my time there at the gym. I was surprised at how late I got out of there. Tonight, I think I am going home instead of going to talk about God. I am aweful tired and would really like to see a movie. I love movies. I think I was supposed to be movie critic and ended up an adminstrative assistant. Either way, I am happy today.

So things didn't go the way I wanted them to go. It turns out that I was one of the balloons that popped. I have found a new workplace as an administrative assistant in a medical office for their marketing executive, which means that I am a glorified secrectary. Actually, I respond to two individuals who give me things to do. Thankfully, I am just getting started and it is always a nice relaxing thing to start work on a Friday. I am very excited to be here seeing as it means that I get a check next Friday and that I found out that they pay for my insurance as opposed to me paying for it. So in reality I am making more money at this job than I was at the last one. This is a good thing if you ask me. The other cool thing is that I already know some of the people who work here so the adjustment is not so adjusty, if that makes any sense at all. I am very grateful that God gave me this new job. It really is a God thing--trust me. The other cool thing about this job is that I get to dress up. The woman that I work under is a "dress for success" type person and is begin into being good looking. Yea! I get to wear all my interview clothes all the time. Now I know that most people go to work in a tie on a regular basis, but in the button factory I was in jeans every day. Now I get to wear the good stuff too. Ho hum...............It has been so long since I have done this that I am not sure what else to say. I feel better now that I have a job again. Feeling better is always a good thing. Thanks God.