...there's just enough of you in me that I can have some sympathy...

My mom called...I haven't blogged in forever. I am actually working for once and have little time this week at work. Medicaid has my office under investigation and no one knows why. But they are coming and the owner has hired really expensive lawyers out of Texas to come help us out. So lawyers will be here first next week and then Medicaid will be here. They are putting these poor people in the basement with me. I have finally gotten used to being alone and they are moving people in with me! Honestly. The rain today drove the sales people all into the office so I have been doubled up on work because everybody needs something.

Last night I went to the Episcopal Church again. I hadn't seen those folks since the deer. I actually went the long way to get there instead of the road where I hit the deer and I think that from now on I will take the time to go that way. It is better lit and has more travelers. I was so grateful to see those people. I felt like I had come home. I have been traveling so much in the past two weeks and will be traveling again next weekend, that I have felt a bit off kilter. I needed to be a part of again. It grounds me. There is something about being atoned that makes all the difference in the world. Now I know why the Bible says when two or more of you gather in my name I am there. It feels different than just praying on my own. It feels more like I get in touch with God. Dad is rolling his eyes at me about now. But that is just how I see it or feel it.

John has been out of town since Tuesday. He went quail hunting in South Georgia with a friend. He shot about 65 quail. I don't know if that's good, but it sounds good. It sounds like a rich man's sport to me. I haven't ever really understood the whole hunting thing in general, but up here there is not a man who doesn't hunt and or fish. Guns are something I have gotten used to and I am not sure if I am comfortable with that or not. There is definitely a desensitization going on though. I am glad that he is coming home. I miss him.

I am looking forward to a spiritual retreat on the 8th through the 10th. It is at Rock Eagle and I am running one of the seminars on spiritual pricipals. There are 12, just like everything else: 12 steps, 12 traditions, even 12 concepts. I am working with someone I have never met. I am excited. It is an hour and a half long so I am thinking of breaking it down into two 40 min sessions with a ten minute break. One think I have learned over the years is that the brain can only handle what the butt can take, so I am giving them a break after a bit. An hour and a half is about thirty minutes to long for me. I am excited because Meg is going with me. Iris is going to a sitter's house and Meg and I are going to Rock Eagle. Hurray! It will be great fun. There are lots of other women that I know who are going too, so that makes it the most fun.

Okay, back to work...ugh...

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

I forgot to mention the way cool easter gifts that I got from Mom:

Wonder Woman Penny Bank

And a book about GRITS, which I qualify for and have totally enjoyed reading!

Go Mom on the cool Easter gifts!

It is hard to post something after something as exiciting as BowFire, but today I finally have something to say so here goes:

Went to WVA this weekend. John's mother lives there in a home that has been in his family forever. Since I had Good Friday off, he and I traveled up there for a stay. Her home was converted into a bed and breakfast at one point in time too, so it is quite the getaway for us. It was a nice time. We watched the elite eight and saw WVA lose...a twenty point lead...and we went shopping, out for dinner and exchanged gifts. Strangely enough I was able to follow along nicely in the basketball because that was what my Dad was watching last weekend at his house. So I guess I will have to find somewhere to watch on this coming Friday and Saturday for the Final Four. I was hoping the snow would still be there, but all there was was rain. It was a nice couple of days even with the rain. We went shopping at THE mall. It was a nice little mall. I am so used to the Mall of Georgia that the one in WVA appeared tinicy. I was able to get a new outfit: set of nice capris and a new top for about $25, which I found to be a good buy. We went to dinner at my favorite stop: seafood. I am not sure how the landlocked state serves the fish, but nothing comes fresh, everything is fried, so that might have something to do with it. The restaraunt is called the Mayflower (which is even stranger) and is owned by a greek (wierd, just plain wierd). Mrs. Khale likes it and that is what really matters. She doesn't get to go out too much so we go where she wants to go. I just happen to like it. Mrs. Khale gave John and I peanut butter chocolate eggs and we gave her an Easter Basket with a Fox ornament and postcards in it. She was tickled. She had never gotten an Easter Basket before, so she just laughed and laughed. We had a good time. I was really grateful to be home in my own bed last night. Unfortunately the bed was as old as the house. It was an aweful sleep, but the rest of the visit made up for it. I am glad to be rested for today.

BOW FIRE!!!!!

Holy cow. I won orchestra seats to see this group of fiddlers from all over the world. They were from Canada, the United States, Yugoslavia, everywhere. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Had I known that I could do something like that with a violin, I may not have ever stopped playing. They had fiddling solos, duels, dances, love moments, tap dances...yes they tap danced with the fiddle in their hands. They didn't tap their foot while they played, they full out when bezerk tap danced. It was the craziest thing I have ever seen. All I could think the whole time was: don't drop the instrument. They switched instruments: violin to viola to cello to electric cello to erhu (it is a two string chinese played violin played from the hip) to bongos to mandolin to electric violin. Everytime you turned around they were burning through bows. They ripped them apart.

The whole row of people who sat with us were radio winners. The woman who first joined us was Mrs. Winship. She asked me if I played the violin and I said that I had played for 17 years. She asked when I started and I said three. She asked if my parents were musicians, I said that my father had a doctorate in choral conducting and was the director of a nationally renowned chorus in Fayette County and....

YOUR DAD IS DR. GREEN?

Yes, my dad is Dr. Green. Mrs. Winship's daughter said, "My sister is in his chorus. Mrs. Green came to my school to talk to us." So of all the people to bump into in Atlanta, I went to see fiddles with one of my Dad's parents. The guy who sat on the other side of us owns the only music store in Habersham County. He is an old school guitarist and won his tickets off of the Jazz Spot this past Friday night. Mrs. Winship and I both won ours on Soundscapes. She said they also announced our names on the radio. I never heard that, but I was running around the office going wild over the idea that I won something to something that I might really like. I really liked it. Three years from now, they won't be giving tickets away because no one will be able to get them. It was the riverdance of fiddles. Absolutely amazing.

I went to a rock concert of violins. Wow.

I WON TICKETS!!

Bow Fire

I won tickets off the radio (Georgia Public Broadcasting aka NPR) off the show "Soundscapes" with Sarah Zaslaw! They said email us if you want tickets and I did and I WON TICKETS!

I am going to the Fox tonight! I am going to the Fox tonight!I am going to the Fox tonight!

hahahhhahahahahaahaha!

This weekend ended up being a good visit with the folks. They moved tons of stuff to their new house, box by box. It was strange because there appeared to be one empty house in Sharpsburg littered with furniture and one empty house in Peachtree City littered with everything but furniture! Mom and Dad have a lot of stuff. I tried desperately to not take anything with me because they are trying to send me away with my stuff that has built up over the past thirty years and I finally had to remind them that I live in a box that some people call an apartment and didn't have any more room. I let them know that the last load home they sent me with is still in the trunk of my car. It didn't work though. Mom still managed to get a box of stuff in my car...it is still there. There is no room yet. I am a little behind on the growing up thing and so I have about five years still before I can be responsible for all of it.

Mom did give me my Easter gifts early. I got a *Wonder Woman* penny bank! SO COOL! And a trippy little book about Girls Raised in the South (GRITS). It has all kinds of recipes and what nots in it so I am looking forward to trying them all out. Thanks Mom! I am going to West Virginia with John next weekend tenatively so I will probably be there for Easter. We have to get all of our ducks in a row first before we leave. It is a short week for me because I get Good Friday as a holiday: HURRAY!!!

Got to see Kathryn Ella aka Kate this weekend. She is teenincy. I tried really hard not to hold her, because I knew what kind of effect that has on the biological clock. Inevitably my brother passed her to me and ding! the clock alarm went off saying that I should have one. Thanks Pam. While my body wants one of those things my head knows better. There is a reason God gave Iris to Meg and not me! At least that is what I tell Meg all the time. Kate sure was a pretty girl. Her little fingers were so long and pink. I think I will start with a dog before I move on to babies though. Mom says the only reason she is not a grandmother is that she is not old enough. I agree. I am not old enough either!

I came down to one of parent's houses last night for a weekend visit (thus the Saturday posting!). It is strange because they told me that they had already begun moving from the house in Sharpsburg to the house in PTC by taking "a few boxes each day." Mom said "We are just taking the things you can't see." I walked into the house to find that her perception of what you can't see and my perception must be completely different. There is almost nothing left. There are no pictures on the walls. There is no clutter on the shelves. Today there is not even an end table in the den! There are all kinds of things missing because they made it in a couple of boxes each day. The Sharpsburg house is the first house they have lived in without me. I will never forget the day they moved here because it was my 22nd birthday. I had just graduated from college and was living with them, I think. There was a sense of misery when they left that house. It was a completed sense that my childhood was gone. I didn't really no what to do so I did the only thing I could do: get drunk. I don't know if I got drunk that night or later on, but my memory is so foggy, there was definitely alcohol involved. Today, my father has already left with a car load full of things to go to the "dream house." It is a beautiful home and has things they want, like a music room and no yard (and what yard there is, Dad doesn't have to care for very much!) and a master on the main with a kitchen that has an island. I just noticed that the room that I stay in when I come down to the Sharpsburg house has more accoutrements in it than the whole rest of the house just due to what I packed! ( I like making myself feel at home when I go places so I pack stuff not just clothes.) I used to call that room my room, but there is nothing in it that is mine other than what I bring to it and sometimes I don't even get to sleep in it. It is just a guest bedroom like going and staying in hotel, except cleaner and has home effects like parents snoring down the hall. I guess I mention all of this for no reason at all except that it is strange that my parents are moving again. I guess it was strange everytime my parents moved. I can remember leaving Virginia from my seventh birthday party with my giant Care Bear in my arm looking out the back window and seeing people fade away. Moving is about changing and for some reason there is a sad element to that. For my parents moving, while laborious and expensive, it has always been a move up. For me it always ended relationships. This move won't end anything though. There is no one to leave behind or to wave at from the widow because they are just moving down the street. Carter and I have our own lives and we are not really going anywhere either. Maybe that is why it is a strange move: nothing is really moving.

I started thinking about the last posting, I posted that there were two ha-ha's and a miracle. The first ha-ha was the burned chicken. The second ha-ha was the bubbling dishwasher. Their coincidence was not the miracle though. I forgot to tell you the miracle. Even though I have given up on my $500 winnings (latest news on that is that the girl who is winning made a deal with her folks and she is paying $250 a month on a trainer and they are matching every dollar she spends so she is going twice a week to a trainer and five times a week to do cardio! So total spending monies will eclipse the winnings! Whatever!!!! I am not that stupid. I will suck it up and lose the $50 bucks I bet on!) , I made a concession in my diet. It is the miracle: I am eating vegetables. Can you believe it? I haven't eaten vegetables ever. I eat corn (which has little to no nutritional value whatsoever however is one of the largest produced veggie in America!) and lettuce on my good days. NO LONGER! I am an official raw-broccoli-and-carrots eater.

Now that I have shared with you my miracle, I will also say this about today's miracle:

Congratulations Pam & Bill on the birth of your daughter, Kate!

So the other night, I decided that I should be proactive about my diet again. I am still in my competition, but I don't think that I will win. The other two who are losing the weight are apparent in their weight loss. So I thought I would give it another try. I tried to cook chicken and was miserable at it. Then I decided that it didn't make any difference what kind of soap went in the dishwasher. So between the smoke alarm going off and bubbles flowing out of the dishwasher, I looked about like Lucille Ball. While I wanted to scream "Ricky!!!"I realized there was no such person in my life. It was a regular episode, full of laughter and insanity.

Then I decided that I would do it right last night. I went back to the grocery store and purchase MORE chicken and this time remembered to pick up dishwashing stuff. I called my Mom and asked her how she cooked her chicken. I followed the instructions explicitly. Then I turned on the dishwasher with no bubbles. I was so tickled by the successes, I even threw in a load of laundry. How many machines can you run at one time? While the chicken was baking, I went and picked up my mail. I brought back three movies: CaddyShack, Empire of the Sun (I don't have any idea why I don't own this one) and Hope and Glory. I threw in CaddyShack as it was the only one I hadn't seen. It was okay for a funny movie. I am not a funny movie fan, but after working on a golf course, I thought maybe that would be one I would make me laugh. It didn't, but that is okay, at least now I can catch the jokes that pass between my friends who are golfers. I felt better because I was not Lucy last night, I was Rachel.

So I had quite a Rachel night last night. I was trying to be proactive about my eating habits and someone has suggested to me that I cook chicken for the week in my lunch. I figured it was a good idea and after going to the grocery store last night I came home to set out on such a task. Then I realized that while at the grocery store I had forgotten to get diswasher detergent....can you tell what happened next? I felt like an episode from "I Love Lucy". There were bubbles and smoke alarms at the same time and prioritizing was very confusing. I looked like a mouse on its first time through the maze. Couldn't figure out what to do. At one point there was an actual "flash in the pan" that now I understand how fast that really is. It was quite humorous. Needless to say, the dishes are still in the unwashed in the dishwasher and the chicken is in the trash. I think I will try again tonight!

So I feel like a bad blogger by not posting for so long, however, once a month I have two really big reports. They are done. Now I have to catch up on the back log of work that I had to put off in order to complete them. I figure that I will work on all of that tomorrow though. I am tired of entering data and will be more efficient tomorrow.

I do have an announcement to make, I am no longer a waitress! Hurray! No more waiting tables for Rachel. First things first, I am going to try and get home to my Mom and Dad. I have been long trying to get rid of my waiting tables and my exhaustion was clear so now I am no longer waiting tables AND working a real job. It will definitely impact my spending abilities, but not my billing responsibilities. I will be back to budget, but I don't care. I am so tired of not seeing my family or having to work around other people's schedules that I am willing to stick to budget.

I also have other news: My car is getting fixed by an approved insurance guy right now as we speak! Hurray!! And....AND....Rachel can afford it!! Hurray! Thank goodness. Sometimes my insides really freak out when it comes to money and apparently that is not uncommon with a lot of people, but I am not freaking out today and that is so cool.

Finally, I have applied for a really nice position at a local technical school. It will be super if I could get it. The deadline is the 22nd, so I probably won't hear anything until April, but that is okay by me. It is a really nice position.

Okay, that sums it up.

Be well, do good work and keep in touch.....

Oh deer...

So I was on my way out to the Episcopal Church on Wednesday when I was suddenly confronted by a deer. He jumped on my car from quite a leap. Needless to say there was a whack and a crack (seeing as my car is plastic). The car has apparently $1200 worth of damage which ate up my day yesterday. Thankfully, my company is lending me a company car until it is repaired. I am also dog sitting this weekend for two pure bred boxers out at these people's home which is a half million dollar home (if it were in Atlanta it would be a two or three million dollar home). So this weekend I am driving a car isn't mine, living in a home I don't own and loving dogs who will always love me back even though I am not mom which is great because I can give them back! Oh deer...

I always tell the girls: Don’t take it seriously. If you don’t take it seriously, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you can just go to the record store and listen to your friends. --Penny Lane, Almost Famous

How true is this in life. I went to study on being a good groupie. . . ahem, band-aide, last night and in the midst of watching one of my all time favorite movies (Almost Famous), I realized there were pearls of wisdom. Penny is talking with William about never taking things seriously and I realize that she is not just talking about her relationship with Russell, rather it is applicable to my life. As long as I don't take people, things, places...well life so seriously, I will always have fun. I find that easier and easier today as I enjoy life more today than ever. I am more capable today as well. I find it easy to run around and find joy when I have people in my life like Megan and Tony and John. I was thinking yesterday about why I had such a good time on Saturday night. Mostly, it was that I called several people (Tony, Megan and John) and made plans, followed through with the plans with out too many expectations and found myself in a place of love and friendship. Generally speaking, when Meg and I do go out we have a good time and Tony and John love to hang around an poke fun at our silliness, but that could be at Waffle House. When we all got there (Tony and Meg both brought dates) it was like going to a dance in highschool (not that I have ever been to one even when I was in highschool!). We knew almost every person there because all of Sautee was there. The extras (folk from Athens) were so surprised at the amount of energy in the room. It was as though I had been invited to the party of the year and while I was not the most popular person in the room nor was I the least, I was one in a crowd of people with some close friends close by and many more on the fringes and a good time was had by all. It was funny to see so many of those folks the next day at the coffee shop. We all talked about how well the band performed and what they could do to improve. We talked about how crazy this person was or how many t-shirts were sold. We talked about how hard it was to park and how crazy a town Athens is on a Saturday night. The whole event was just about having fun and for a few short hours in my life, I didn't take myself or life so seriously. And if I ever get lonely, I can go to the record store and visit my friends.

All I have to say is I am officially a band-aid....

Big City Sunrise

Call me a groupie if you want. I told John I was trading him in for the band. I just can't get enough. Megan, Sebass, Tony, Jenny, John and myself and all of Sautee traveled to Athens to hear these guys play. I am still buzzin from the excitement. I have been to two other concerts in my little life: R.E.M. at the Omni (the last performance ever performed by anyone in the Omni before it was torn down and replaced) and Indigo Girls at Chastain. As much as I would like to believe that I am an R.E.M. fan, I just am not. I went to the concert just to go to a big concert because I had never been to one before and I found myself bored and unable to see anything. Indigo Girls was a great experience. Meg and I went and took Iris. It was awesome. "BCS" is totally different. I don't know if it was the performance, the people or the music its self, but it was amazing. I am still thrilled and it is Monday and I saw them on Saturday night. I wore my silk black shirt my Mom gave me with dark blue jeans and black boots. I diffused my hair and left it down and wore make-up. I went to dance and have a great time with people who I know and can touch and love everyday. The people who played on stage I see all the time. In the course of two hours for which they played, they became rock stars. My eyes have seen some glory is all I am saying. I love 'em. They are amazing. I want to follow them to every show. I want to watch their lives unfold as they grow as a band and find out what they are up to individually. I am totally in love with a band.

So I still haven't slept. I feel like a slug. I haven't excercised all week either, which makes it worse. Instead of excercising, I have been resting. I would say sleeping, but it is not that significant. It is more like an everlasting interupted nap. Almost asleep...phone call. Almost asleep...dryer goes off. Almost asleep...time to go. It is dreadful. My boyfriend just had to take me out to dinner. I know that sounds pathetic and lack of reason to whine. My goodness, to have a man who's in love with me! Wah! But seriously, he wanted to take me out to dinner but I had a meeting from eight til nine, so we went late night and huddle house. Decaf and omlets were dinner. Next thing I know, I am on my way home at eleven o'clock at night. He and I are getting along really well lately. It is begining to scare the bejeeezus out of me. Right now though I am too tired to be scared. I think I might just go home and pull the covers over my head and wake up tomorrow.

So I went to my interview yesterday with no sleep, but so excited I couldn't stand it. I was prompt, well dressed and had a dapper smile. I approached the interviewers professionally and spoke eloquently. They asked me appropriate questions pertinent to my resume and experience. I replied with confidence and sounded like a dictionary. (That was my downfall was my over zealous vocabulary spewed everywhere!) Turns out after it was all said and done that 1) I am over qualified for the position and 2) they can't afford me. Sad. It has so many cool perqs like I could teach piano and violin to beginners and I would get to go to all the shows and and and.....oh well....

Did I tell you that I made a deal with God? I told God that if these four last resumes that were out there didn't pan out that I would buckle down and study for the LSATs. I think it is time to buckle.

Last night I got nervous. I have had this interview with the Sautee Nacoochee Community Arts Association for a week now and last night I got nervous. I found out about a month ago that the Arts Center was reconstructing their staff to better align with their ideals. They had a couple of people go on to bigger and better things so there was plenty of room for restructuring monies. One of the positions created was an office manager. Nothing fancy, just an office manager with some bookkeeping skills please. I actually heard about it prior to it being listed through the flower shop. I was able to react quickly and dropped my cover and resume off. Finally, a month later I get a call. Finally. Hurray! I think. Hurray! They scheduled me for March 1 at four o'clock so that I can get off from my current job and make it to the interview. Hurray! What nice people. I am ticking through my days one by one with new and interesting points each day.

Last night I got nervous. No build up. No warning. Just couldn't go to sleep. Finished watching Sabrina. Yawned, while thinking, a load of wash is a good idea. I put in a load of darks and then....What if I get the job? What if I don't? If I do, I could practice and maybe teach some of my instruments to children. Maybe run a choir or be a musical director for a show! What if I don't get the job there? Will they still let me do the summer musicals? Will there always be that awkwardness that happens? If I get the job, maybe I will buy a house. What if they don't offer me enough? What if I have to turn it down? Then I would be stuck at same old same old. That isn't exciting at all. I think I will do my new home in a tuscan theme with iron rod beds, sunflowers, some crucifixes and pictures of Mary. Too bad I am not Catholic, they have cool stuff. Time for bed, but I'm not sleeping. Arg....I can read that always makes me sleepy.

Last night I got nervous...OH no! Mordred is going to ruin Lancelot and Guenvere's love and then the triangle will be broken. If the triangle breaks then Camelot will crumble without Arthur! Stop reading. Go to sleep. I could do a tuscan theme in the bed room at least. Do the paint myself and...go to sleep.

Last night I didn't go to sleep. Last night I got nervous. My head wouldn't let me go to sleep. I woke up to the alarm at 6:10 am this morning on less than six hours of sleep, after a shift a Zanzo's, and I have an interview today. It my as well be an audition. I hated auditions in school. That was half the reason I didn't do the productions in school was I was afraid of the audition. So I just didn't. I always thought the others were better than me or less than me depending on who I was comparing myself to, but the reason they got the part is because they auditioned. Carter says that I need to realize my greatness. I think I could be great amongst musicians. I used to be great amongst my family and they are musicians. This could lead to my realization. This could lead to greatness. I am still nervous and I couldn't sleep last night.