Thank you GOD!! What a helping of good things have I had lately?

I got an offer for a job that is one of those jobs that you are supposed to get right out of college. I had no problem being independent from my parents when I graduated from college, I just didn't have any idea on how to support myself. This was quite a process. There was the low self esteem, the severe character defects and being lost in my spritual journey that all have made things more interesting in my life. I did the best I could with what I had, which didn't include God, but was more about self will run riot. I have ended up in these mountains of northeast Georgia feeling my way around in the dark, although now I have God as a guide. I have been trying desperately to find some sort of path to follow. I have been placing one foot in front of another and when God says take a left, I take a left. When God says nope, take a right, I go right and if that doesn't work I retrace my steps and start over and try something different. I feel like a blind person and with less anger at God and less anger at myself. I try not to place expectations, not have fear about what I might lose, not have fear about what I want. I am not great at this and mostly the area of my life that I have found this most successful is in my friendships and in my employment. I still haven't master it in my intimate relationships, in my finances or in my time management or physical well being. All of these areas I try to pray for on a disciplined level every morning on my knees and every night before bed. The most I know is that it will happen when it is supposed to and not any earlier or later. One of the most interesting thing about God is that he is always punctual.

Being punctual, I have finally, 8 years after graduating, gotten one of those jobs just after graduation. It seems to have objectives which I can grow into and objectives I already for which I have some grasp. The position title is: "Better Homes & Town Manager." It comes with things like salary and benefits and vacation and state holidays. Who would ever guess that me, I , myself would, could ever possibly deserve, earn, be GRANTED such a thing as a job where on Thursday mornings I can go to a bible study or go home for more than two days for Christmas or not be afraid to buy a dvd? This is not something that I did, I get that. This is something, one of those things, God shots.

In other cool events this weekend, went to a law school prospectus student seminar. It was very informative and gave me ideas for parts of my application processes. They were key on several points: LSATs are averaged, not the highest score is taken, but the average; apply early; have your recommendations written by someone who knows you; apply early; make your personal statement, personal; apply early; do community service work and finally, apply early. The early bird gets the worm was what I gathered from the dean of admissions. We had a mock classroom with one of the professors and he thought I was weird. He posed this question: A client comes into your office with a smoking gun and tells you that he has just shot the store clerk down the road for giving him incorrect change? What do you do with him? with the gun?
My answer was take him to dinner, leave the gun in the office and have someone "discover" it like a secretary who would then turn the weapon over to police, but what ever you do DON"T TOUCH IT. I thought that was good, he thought I was nuts. What do you suggest. (Mom can't answer because I already told you the answer.) It was great fun and made me miss being in the classroom. I think I will fit in like one of those round pegs. There was a panel too of alumni and professor and a currently enrolled student. There were two things I gained from it, time management and knowing when enough is enough. About that time, I had been sitting/standing (I went out in the hall way because I couldn't sit anymore) for over three hours with no programmed break and when they called for the tours, I was outta there. I would have loved a tour of the facility, but I felt like I would much rather go see my Mom. So I did. I did the right thing because Kent and Carter came for a visit too and what more can a girl ask for in a weekend? Family, law school and a cool new job!

I watched Coach Carter last night. It was a nightmare of a production. I recognize that it is a true story, but the way it was told was really bad. It acted like it was going to be a Hoosiers movie, then it wasn't. Then it tried to be a little ESPN, then it wasn't. Then it decided it needed a little MTV collage, then it wasn't. The "serious" moment where the coach was contemplating what he really wanted out of his team was late in the movie, poorly acted and overly staged. This is unusual for Samuel L. Jackson (the poorly acted comment), but my guess is that he was doing what he was paid to do and not what he is capable of doing. Very rarely do I pan a movie because I recognize that not everyone likes the movies that I like so I try to recognize the worth of the movie within its genre, for example, Scarface was a horrible movie, however within its genre it was as A grade as you get. Mostly, it was just a tragedy and I am a feel good kind of girl. But in the case of Coach Carter......ack they just offered me a real job!

There are so many things on my mind today.

Grace is sick. That's sad. She has swollen glands and a sore throat. . .ack. I am going to take her a movie at lunch.

Was reading Mark/Peter last night. Christ is teaching in His home town and much like the Astros, there were little to no miracles happening. It talked about Him not being able to perform miracles. I found it interesting that they listed His brothers and His mother, but no dad. There wasn't a reference to God or Joseph, just Mary. Guess this is part of the reason the Catholics hold her in such high esteem. I find it interesting that the Catholics pray to Mary thinking she has pull with God or Christ. That line of thought lends to the idea that prayer is used for something more than communication with God, rather that it is communication with the dead. So if I go Catholic can I pray and talk to my grandmother? What if I misdial and get yours? Back to my original thought: not being able to perform miracles. That is strange. Is it because He was at home and the folks were of disbelief? Maybe it was lack of support. . .The people in the other miracles, Christ tells them their faith has made them well, which implies that it is a two way street healing: you believe, He heals, raises from the dead, stops the inside demons. Yet in His hometown, not matching to any prophesy of any kind they treated him and believed in him as those He were just Josh, nothing more, nothing special, but man He can talk and build you a good table or oxen yoke too. It is always good to have a trade. That was a wierd section. I guess even in Christ's life there was some dysfunctional family things happening.

This morning in the meditation in the bathroom it had this creed called the toddler's creed:

If I want it, it's mine.

If I give it to you and change my

mind later, it's mine.

If I I can take it away from you,

it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago,

it's mine.

If it's mine it will never belong to

anyone else, no matter what.

If we are building something together,

all the pieces are mine.

If is looks like mine,

it is mine.

The question at the end of the meditation is are you still following the Toddler's creed or are you allowing Christ to create in you a new, giving heart? Yeah, I am a toddler. Always and forever. Then the solution kicks in after the toddler thought and I have to practice a different action. Hopefully, that opposite action will train my thought processes so that I am not so toddler like, but as of right now, I am still kicking and screaming! I like the new creed that I have learned though:

If it ain't broke,

Don't fix it.

If it ain't yours,

Don't take it.

If it ain't so,

Don't say it.

I can remember that as a solution today and not worry about my actions being astray. That way, Christ can do whatever he wants with my heart....well unless he is in Nazareth, then he has less luck as it seems.

Last night was exciting. I went grocery shopping with Sherry aka Gertie Mae. She and I went to Ingles and initially I had intentions of having dinner with her family, but what ended up was that I bought ten dollars worth of things for myself and decided to have my own meal! Strangely enough, she managed to go home with some of my groceries anyway. So in exchange, I picked up her daughter, Grace from ballet. While I was waiting on Grace, I made Manwich and pasta for myself. I also paid off my movie balance and rented "Crash." Whoa, gonna watch that one again tonight. It was really really good. It punches racism right in the mouth. It was amazing. It was really good. Maybe I won't watch it tonight, I have a couple of DVD's in the pobox so I might snag them instead. Both the movie and the dinner were good though. Then I read more of my new Harry Potter book. While the rest of the world was already reading it and well into their second or third time reading it (Grace read it in 4 1/2 days the first time), my Mama got it for me and I am behind, but not as far behind as I was! I think I am going to start working out tonight....ack, I said it out loud. I have been trying to become willing to work out again. I have no reason not to any more. I am excited because I will hopefully tone up the arms and legs and maybe even lose weight, but mostly I just would like some shaping to happen. There is some unhappiness in the hips and thighs and tummy, not bad, but enough that my self esteem is crashing. I figure weights three times a week and maybe cardio five times a week ought to do the trick. I don't know how long I will make it this evening because I haven't even walked aerobically in nine months. I will be in ppppapapaaaaiainninnn tomorrow. That is the part I don't like. It's like quitting smoking: not something you want to do twice.

Interesting thing about Mark/Peter, he is really detailed in his story telling. For example, in the story of Legion and Christ and the casting into the pigs (Gerasene Demoniac), which I don't remember in Matthew, but maybe it was there. His description of how Legion speaks and when the man speaks and Christ's words are specific. Christ says less than anything in Matthew. Mark/Peter makes Christ appear more introspective. Also the story is more of a spiritual world story(as opposed to a human world story). Mostly in Matthew there are parables and several human miracles (healing and what not), but this story regarding Legion is mystical. It is similar to the description of Adam and Eve before the misbehavior. They were not orginally clothed with flesh, which makes me thing they were spirits of some kind: mystical. While I recognize that these days we would say, oh well this guy had skitzophrenia (yeah, I like that spelling), the desciption in the scripture leads my thoughts elsewhere and not to something explainable. Legion is real and the demons are talking to Christ. Talking, like saying, "hey we are in here and there is more than one of us and we are going to do whatever you tell us to do because you are God's son, but don't send us back to hell man because we can't take it anymore." The passage is more tangible regrading evil than I have ever read. It also makes me think that that war that Ernie talked about when I was a teenager and I am supposed to wear my armour of God, which I never understood and mostly thought he made some story up and being a teenager, I knew everything anyway, might be totally plausible. Although, I almost wonder if that is something that is supposed to happen amongst the spiritual beings, aka Christ and the demons, and not neccessarily amongst those of us who are normal average, none demon speaking, non God hearing, not on that perception wave length. I guess what I am saying is that Mark/Peter saw something that was not of this world and maybe wasn't supposed to be . . . this is one of those passages that movies are made of . . . Perhaps they had access to this experience because they are the chosen to walk around with Christ and record the happenings of Christ and didn't they speak in tongues so that all who were there could hear the message? Didn't Christ pass on some of the healings ability onto the disciples? I mean that would qualify them as spiritual world type folk. Not neccessarily standard human folk. Maybe that is why they were privvy and the rest of us just get second hand what happened.

I have heard this story all my life in bible school or Sunday school or wherever, but it never made sense to me. I don't know if I have ever read the text or not (not often that I have, mostly oral history is the deal when I was book learning in church), but it is definitely a little creepy. It is a faith issue. Do demons exist? Are they present in this world? Do they have the capablity of possession? If so then are they capable of temptation? Is there really a devil lurking in the shadows or is he only waiting for us to die to snatch our souls? If I have faith in God and Christ and the Holy Trinity, is there a duality or is God all encompassing and duality is not even a possibility, thus no devil or evil or demons and only the self will of the arduous son of Adam? Yes I am asking questions and yes answers would be super cool. This "miracle" didn't impress upon the town's people like the healings did on the other town's people. It wasn't a "Hey, cool that guy is healing people. He must be God." The towns people were like, "Hey, get out of here. You are freaking us out. We don't care who you are." The reaction of the people is what makes me think, "hmm. . .kind of not real, like too real, like whoa, the things that people don't talk about happening but gives them reason to worship some random totem." It wasn't until they heard the story second hand (which we all know what second hand information is like, funnier or more embellished or sadder or somethinger, not so scary or scarier), they were amazed. They were not joyful that the son of God had shown up and taken away this guy's anguish, they were in awe of whatever the guy said. There is an assumption that he spoke gospel and that was what the awe was for, but really why did it take someone else telling them the deal? Perhaps it was because they were so spooked out by what they didn't understand? Maybe it was because what they saw, being non spiritual people, was not what Mark/Peter saw, being spiritual people, and the man who experienced it interpreted it for them! Nah, too much sense, but then again it would explain why Christ spoke in parables and then explained them to the disciples who were capable of interpretation. This explanation is beginnig to sound more and more like Harry Potter.

There is nothing like a good weekend. There is only one way to judge whether a weekend is good or really good: the after effect. If I feel like I can barely get up on Monday morning, the weekend was great. If I feel like I have been hit by a truck on Sunday, but will be okay by Monday, the weekend is pretty good. If on Sunday, I am still looking for things to do, but know that it is over and the week is about to begin, the weekend was good. This weekend was a pretty good weekend. I told John yesterday while we were shopping at the Super Walmart in Dahlonega, that I felt like I had a hangover, he said it was because we had been playing all weekend. From there we walked around the square in Dahlonega because it felt like a festival had hit the square there were so many people. When we got back to the farm, I took a well deserved Sunday nap and felt much better once I woke. When I woke up this morning to Morning Edition, I was happily restored to my usual beautiful self. I now know why they call it beauty sleep.

Megan and boy came and stayed at the farm both Friday and Saturday night. That is great except I forget that Meg is the true best girlfriend. While growing up I was the one who stayed up until four in the morning and only went to sleep when there was no one left to talk to, I am not that girl today: Megan is. She played backgammon, she ate potato chips, she drank tea, she asked questions, she even jumped on the bed. . .thus I was up until 2:30 am one night and 3 am the next. Megan doesn't have that internal alarm that goes off yet. She still has the ability to sleep until noon with no problem. I don't know when that alarm started happening for me, but sleeping in for me is ten and that is only when the night has been like the nights this weekend. How did I end up being the uncool girlfriend? How did I end up being the first asleep? How did I end up being the girl thinking, "if this chick doesn't stop, I am going to have to get ugly?" I am the cool girl who can do anything. I am the cool girl who can experience everything. I am the one who goes to bed at four, is up at eight and keeps going. . .well truth be told, I would go home to the folks and they would want to kill me because I was such a grouch and mean spirited. Dad would swear that I would never go spend the night again (then next weekend I would go anyway. . .yeah my Dad is a softy). But who cares? My girlfriends all thought I was cool and that was what was really important! What is neat today is that even though I fell asleep before Meg did, she still thinks I am cool. She thinks it is more fun trying to keep me awake than if I had stayed awake and tried to think of something to do. The other thing that happened as a result of this game Meg made out of this weekend is that I ended up having a pretty good weekend. Nothing like a little love and friendship and being jumped on while under the covers to have a story to tell, to give me a pretty good weekend.

The fastest runner in the state of Georgia lives in Clarkesville. I have seen a few runners in my time and this guy runs like he is running away from something he is going so fast. God help the police if he is a theif, becuase they will never catch him. I don't think he is though. He runs like 5 minute miles or something crazy. What is really wierd is that he looks like a bulky body builder, but he is running. I have spoken to him before and he is a triathalete....whoa bad spelling. Anyway, he is amazing. He is about my hieght, maybe shorter and is fair complected like me, but with red. It is really a strange phenomenon to be going about my business (because I walk everywhere) and have this guy come buzzing by me. The expression on his face is priceless. It looks like my brother's face when he is swimming really hard: utter determination.

The meditation today made me laugh. It used the example of Cyprus. Cyprus's Dad whose name I can't spell, gathered together his advisors and ordered the young prince's death. So the henchman through him to the cold death on a mountain top. A herdsman came along and raised the baby prince, Cyprus, to a grown man with no knowledge of his lineage. That was the reference. It linked in to say that we too are of royal blood in that we are part of the royal blood of Christ. WHATEVER...bad reference. The thing about Greeks who have been thrown on a mountainside to die because of their father's hubris is that they always come back to kill Dad. I don't remember the story of Cyprus exactly, but my bet is that Cyprus rose up against his father after being told to his disbelief by the Oracle of his fate, not knowing it was his father and believeing it was just another king and killed him. NOT exactly a good example. Let's rejoice in the Lord while we mistakenly kill our Dads shall we! Hurray Rejoice, I say Rejoice.

Yeah, my humor is a little off, but the meditation in the bathroom seemed to be a little too far fetched for my Kern educated head to believe or even meditate. Maybe it makes sense to the masses, but to me it seemed rediculous. Education will bite me everytime.

The movies that I have been watching lately crack me up. I use an online movie vendor so I don't always know what I am going to get because I stack up an order of about twenty or thrity movies and then wait a while. I forget what I have ordered which is great because it is like a weekly surprise. This week was more than a surprise. I just finished the Indiana Jones series so I recognized that I was on a binge for older but not old movies, just things from when I was growing up.

This week I got Blade Runner, Die Hard and Mad Max. Seeing that I just finished watching Harrison, I decided to watch Mel and Bruce first. Mel is a great actor, I don't know that anyone can contest that. In the movie they show him in all sorts of shots that express a variety of emotions. He well out acted the others in the film, not that that was hard. Some of the people, I could have out acted. That being said: that was one of the worst films I have ever seen. I recognize that it is how Mel got started, but it was just down right bad. For some reason I thought that Tina Turner was in that movie, but it must be the sequel. Also, Mel has gotten handsome in his old age. He is such a hottie even to this day, but as a young man...wow.

I watched Bruce's flick next. Now I have seen Die Hard once in a frat house with my boyfriend Jason on a Saturday afternoon, but I can't say that I remember seeing all of it and the ending was new for me. Die Hard is a great movie. It has all the elements of a great movie: great good guy (NYPD's finest), great bad guy (terrorist turned theif, Professor Snape aka Alan Rickman), beautiful girl (corporate ladder climber with good looks), great explosions (the helicopter was awesome) and most of all great catch phrases (none of which I could ever say on tv, but just the same, they will always be remembered). I had no idea how much fun it would be to watch this movie, but it was fun. If I ever get back to having some money again, I am adding this one to the collection. Blade Runner is on the docket for this evening while I prepare sales taxes for a friend's store and clean up for my Mama, who is coming to see me tomorrow and who should bring a sweater for the evenings because it is getting into the low forties at night up here. Juanita, a friend, said that her thermometer read 42 Monday night. The bank signs say 49 so it is still really cool. Back to Harrison. I wonder what I was thinking when I checked these off on the website? How did I get these three movies? They are similar in genre, but not really. My understanding of Blade Runner is that it is the science fiction of the science fiction. I saw it edited for tv once, so I wonder what it is going to really be like. That is probably why I ordered it: to see what it is really like without commercials and blurb overs. Popcorn all night for me!

Judge NOT lest ye be judged...

So I have started reading Mark (the book after Matthew) and all of this religiousity that I have been delving into lately is curious. I notice religious things more. For example, in a bathroom I was in lately it made reference to Matthew 1:7 in a meditation book. No it wasn't my bathroom and no I am not telling who has a bathroom with a Bible and meditation book lieing around. Anyway, it used parents confronting a son about pornography as the issue. And the point was that we shouldn't judge but that doesn't mean that we can't lovingly confront a sin . . . in the reference story, the son lost everything he ever had in life because he read and purchased pornography. What a joke! I would have to say, if he lost everything in his life (wife, kids and what not), there was more than buying smut going on and perhaps the parents should have addressed all of it if they wanted to be loving!

. . . back to what I was saying in the first place: Mark is cruising through the story of Christ. There is an air of mysticism about it. The thing that I can't figure out is that Mark says that Christ calls the apostles from a mountain top while Matthew talks about coming upon them and making them fishers of men. He speaks specifically of Matthew the tax collector, which I get why Matthew didn't make himself special, but ...mmm....curious. The other thing I can't figure is how does Mark know about the events of Christ if he wasn't one of the twelve he lists? Who is Mark in relation to the disciples and why do we attribute his writings to be gospel worthy as opposed to say, Simon/Peter? Are there no writings of Peter? What about Christ? Did Christ never make a mark on paper other than in the sand? Do we know? Mark almost seems like he is Peter, that is why I ask. I understand that the books were chosen because they had weight and authority. That makes sense, but I feel like I am reading the Last Temptation of Christ as opposed to Godspell. I really thought the Last Temptation of Christ was wierd beyond all weirdness by the way. It is hard for a movie to be completely off the charts for me, but that was one of them. My point is that I am reading Mark and it is weirding me out. It definitely carries authority though, I will give him that.

There is a cd in this place where I work today. It is a piano cd. It is recorded in this pianist's living room thus the name: the Living Room Sessions. Chris Rice is the name of the pianist. He is really good. All of the pieces of music are songs I have grown up with: For the Beauty of the Earth, This is My Father's World, How Great Thou Art, Fairest Lord Jesus. It makes me want to go home. It makes me want to go home to the church that I remember. I don't know that my perspective of the church I grew up in is true, but it is what I remember. Lots of music, of course. It was my second home because of the amount of time I spent there. There were roller skates. There were carpeted rows to run down in between the pews which had linoleum under them and if you got on your belly you could slide underneath them which made for great chases. Homework in strange places like the music library, the sanctuary, the room next to the the fuse ball room. Always, always there was a rehearsal. Sometimes it was Mrs. Scott practicing the organ and Lea Anne and I miandering around aimlessly. Sitting and listening to the Messiah rehearsal and knowing my part by the time I was sixteen. It was a place that I could always go to like family and never be . . . I don't know. It was a home that I grew up in that's all.

My alarm went off at six this morning, it was hoping that I would rise and shine to go run or walk or do something, but alas, it kept going off for the next hour. I am not a morning person and never have been, but when I make my mind up that it is time to be awake, I am. There is no use for caffeine in my world, although I do drink a lot of coffee, it is not what gets me going in the morning. I said my prayers. I turned on the radio to Morning Edition (there are no other stations that my radio picks up which is fortunate because it gives me a sense of home. My Dad used to listen to it while taking me to high school in the morning.). My coffee has already begun percolating because I set it the last night. I am awake and in the shower. Then it sets in. That feeling. That understanding inside of me. Morning, at the same time everyone else in the world experiences it. Morning, before the sun has come up because the time hasn't changed yet. Morning, by the sound of the school buses outside. Morning, with Charles Edwards. My life is already in motion. I can feel it. I know what to do next. I am going to get out my outfit and make my bed. I am going to dry my hair, dress and eat breakfast. It is work that I am going to do today. Not hanging out with friends and them paying me to be in their stores, but actual work. Work where the people don't know me. Work where the people are post office friends: the kind of friend you say hello to and ask about their children or parents or if they are feeling better and move on to the rest of your life.

The last day I had like this, when the morning was morning, I also had an impending doom. Doom is the worst of the worst lurking feelings in the back of my heart and mentally destructive in my head. I would hate my day before it even started. I hated where I worked, which was good because the feeling was mutual, they hated me too. It was aweful. I mean just aweful.

Those mornings. . .

Those mornings were the worst mornings and getting out of bed was something I succumbed to not something I would volunteer.

This morning though. . .

This morning, there was no hate. There was no gloom or doom. There was purpose without malice. There was no tinge of excitement because I understand my job already, I just have to become oriented. It is that sense of comfort and ease that comes with consistency and stability. God is here and with me in my morning. I am not afraid where my next dollar is coming from, I am not afraid of where I am going, I am not afraid of the people I am going to work--am working for and with, I am not afraid. The gift God has given me today, it is hard to describe since I haven't had it in so long, but here goes and I recognize that not everyone sees it as a gift, but today I do:

it is morning routine.

So I got this call from Megan. She was upset. She is telling me very halting that she thinks that she just left work and hit her boss's car on the way out of the parking lot. What should she do, she asks. I asked her why she thought she hit the call as opposed to actually knowing she hit the car. The car alarm went off as she was driving past and she was on the phone when it happened and can't decide if she really did or not. Once she calmed down, she decided to do the right thing and call her boss.

She called back after a while. . .

Her boss did it on purpose. Set off the alarm on purpose. Poor Meg.....heheheheeeheehahahahahaahahhahahaha

While I recognize that I am the "go-to" girl on the square in Clarkesville, which means that I work for about four to five people on any given day, I once again, was looking for another job.

I told God, okay God, I want to go to law school, but what I am doing now is not cutting it, PU-LEASE give me a place to go that will meet my needs and let me play too.

So about that time my girlfriend who owns on of the many store where I work, was assaulted (long story I am not going to explain) and in the process I called in the crime, talked to the police officers yadayadayada.

Meanwhile, back on God's ranch, this woman who was across the street mentioned that she needed an office person in the middle of all that. Yes, God, I hear you.

So I prayed and meditated and walked across the street one day (off the square...ooh, ah, holy skikies, off the square). I gave her my resume. She got sick, . . .

Okay God, I thought you wanted me to get this job? What's going on?

Then another woman walks into a shop. She is leaving her job and wants me to have it.

THANK YOU FOR THE SIGN GOD!

I give Woman #2 my resume and she says to call this man and he will interview me. I call this man (after prayer and meditation because I was afraid--don't ask why) and make an appointment. NO ONE CALLED ME BACK.....

Alright God, I am going to just let you do your thing.

Woman #1 gets better and calls me for an interview. I go to the interview. She offers me the job. Yes, I say.

Thanks God, I got the message. Thank you. You are a great and awesome God.

The phone rings, the man calls. He wants an interview. After some consultation with spiritual gurus, I go to the interview. He wants another interview, meanwhile I am starting a new job come Monday.

GOD?!!!?!?!?!?!!

Top Ten for the weekend:

10. Rosa started walking (the dog I ran over).

9. Good steak Saturday night (gave Rosa the bone!).

8. Slept in until 10 Sunday morning.

7. Went SHOPPING. . .and didn't spend any money!

6. Spent time with good friends: Meg & boyfriend, Tommy and Destiny, Jody.

5. My friend has been delayed being commisioned into the Marines!

4. Watched all three Indiana Jones movies.

3. Played Settlers for the first time with friends (and won).

2. Spent good quality time with John.

1. Finished the book of Matthew. (Whew!)

My peace lily had a great day yesterday, today and tomorrow (prediction I know, but pretty sure). You'd thought God had smiled on her she is so happy-or tinkerbell had shaken pixie dust on her (she has great happy thoughts and honestly she looks like she could fly right about now.) I put her outside about a month ago, but I have had to water her everyday, sometimes twice a day, until now. The rain has made her leaves reach for the sky and dance. I can always tell when she's happy because she droops when she's sad or she perqs when she's happy. Normal perky is the leaves up, but right now they are so outstretched I am afraid she is going to come out of her pretty green pot John gave her.

Rain, rain here to stay. Come again another day.

It is a sad day today. My girlfriend's father died. He died on Monday, but the services were today. Her name is Jill. She has housed me when I needed shelter, clothed me when I was naked, fed me when I was hungary. She is the epitame of what I consider a Christian to be. Her father was apparently a great man as she is a woman. There were easily 350 people at the funeral today. It was held at the big First Baptist Church in Cleveland, where both the sanctuary floor pews and the balcony pews were filled. About half as many went to the enternment. The wake last night had so many people . . . Jill was really upset. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my father. I thought about calling him today, but there was already a fresh post on his blog so I know he is doing the things he loves to do. I guess her Dad wasn't doing the things he loved to do because he shot himself. The pastors kept talking about how close he was with God and his personal walk with Christ and how he loved his family and how he loved his life, but it . . .In his actions of his death, it speaks differently. My Dad has a tremendous walk with Christ and God has been ever present in his life, which he has passed on to me. My Dad loves his family. My Dad loves his life without a doubt. I think he loves his beach house most of all. Well, maybe he loves getting the perfect sound out of the girls. Or he might love baseball more. . . baseball card collecting, or pal-ling around with my Mom doing nothing and everything all at once, having dinner with all of the family, books about science, shows about science, music, music, and more music, I don't think I have to worry about my Dad in the same predictament as Jill's. I am really sad for Jill though. I can't imagine not having my Dad.