Let's drink a toast to the fool who couldn't see

You know, it troubles me to go and spend time with people who know me so well. All of my character defects flare up because I know that I can get away with them and not lose anyone's love. That is just not what it is about today. Today it is supposed to be about change. The most difficult place for me to change is in the relationships that I have had the longest and am not afraid of losing. There is not any real severe pain there, I guess. But that statement is not really true either. Those relationships are the ones that have seen me through until I could be me. They also know that no matter how badly I behave that I am a wonderful person. The reason they know is because they have experienced the good side too. I was talking with my Mom this weekend about not bringing my parents joy. She said that was a falsehood. She said there was lots of joy in me growing up. That she got to dress me in girly clothes and I didn't mind and I even wore the dresses that she made for me. She said that she thought I was talented in the violin and was so proud of me in those first years of school when it became so apparent to everyone that I was "gifted." And she went on about things. Initially, I thought she was just being a Mom and then I realized that she was being not just Mom, but a Mother who loved and cherished. Sometimes I forget that I did good things too growing up and that not everything was bad. It is hard for me to bring forth those beautiful things. I am glad that I have a Mom who does that for me. I know that I had a difficult weekend with my parents this weekend, as I am not the easiest person to get along with when I am too well known, but now that I am home, I sure do miss Mom and Dad's. Wierd.