This is from yesterday:

There are stars in the southern sky
And if ever you decide
You should go
There is a taste of time sweetened honey
Down the seven bridges road

Wow! Long weekend. So long in fact that it made me sick and I went home early from work yesterday. I slept for four hours yesterday once I got home and was tired enough to go to bed on time and sleep through the night. I was so tired last night that I went to prep the coffee maker for this morning, (it has a cool timer on it to spit out coffee at 6:30 am if it is prepped) and the thing spit out hot water. I forgot to put in the coffee so all I had was a hot, wet coffee filter! It really surprised me and made me laugh out loud. Weird dreams last night too. I dreamt that I said good-bye to my high school buddy, Josh. It was weird because out of the three young men who were best friends, (we called them the three amigos) he was not the one I was so attached. I was attached to Marlon, not Josh, but Gavin was in the dream too and drove Josh away. Weird. So anyway, my retreat lasted from Friday until Sunday and wiped me out Monday. I am still icky, but not bad. I think the ick is from me being a dodo and forgetting my Claritin (Or maybe from eating too many grapes at lunch).

This weekend was great. I feel spiritually refreshed. I used to go on retreats with the youth at Smoke Rise and I would have this same type feeling. For some reason though, my ears were shut off and I couldn’t figure out how to apply it in everyday life. I remember at one point that Ernie passed out these daily meditation packets for youth. I had a lot of them. They were disciple now material. I didn’t want to take the time to do them. It felt like homework and I already had so much homework I couldn’t see straight. Now I don’t even go a day hardly without reading my Melanie Beattie. She is the best. Something didn’t click back then. It was as if….I guess, I just didn’t have the experience to appreciate God or something. Maybe, it’s just the path I had to find Him.

I did have a weird experience at the retreat. There was a workshop done by an art therapist. She had us draw certain things: i.e. draw a tree. Then by the way we drew it she could tell us certain things about ourselves. She said that I am an active participant in my environment; that I am practical and fact based and that something else. But before we started I showed her some of my doodles, because I have a tendency to do that and she said that I was angry due to a loss in my life and that lots of fear surrounded it. Anybody could have told you that I was angry. She was really good at reading the art. I kind of felt like I went to go and get my fortune told. It was different. She is right though. I still haven’t grieved a lot of things. The more loss that occurs in my life the less I cry. I am guessing it is a defense mechanism. Ah….sigh….more work for the inner rae.

I did run into my old dance teacher. She walked as funny as ever. Her turn out is wicked and makes her look like a duck. I didn’t say anything to her though. She never actually taught me, however she was the chair of the department. Then again, I may have had her for beginning ballet. Just the same, it was unusual. She is a quacky kind of person anyway. I miss dancing. I really enjoyed it. There is a dance academy up here and they even offer lessons for adults, but it is once a week and forty dollars a month. I am more into the every day thing. I figure that must cost like 500 or something. No one offers it anyway. In school we danced every day and sometimes on Saturday. The die hards had lessons after school too. I tried that once, but mostly the only thing that happened was I got so busy my grades slipped, which was totally unacceptable. I miss it.