guess i wasn't the best one to ask me…
with my face pressed up against love's glass to see the shiny toy i've been hoping for…

sometimes i get so distracted by the good things in life that i don’t look at any of the bad things. today is a hard day. it is a day where my heart hurts and all i want to do is cuddle in my down comfortor with a good book and rain, some hot tea and peace and quiet. it is as though i have a headache that won’t go away, but there is no headache. i have had green patures for a while now, but in the process of taking my own inventory, i have managed to make my green go brown. i have hurt others without intent. it is as though everyone took their shoes off and stuck their toes out just for me to step on and hurt. ugh. i didn’t want to have to go out of my way to make amends, but it looks as though i am going to have to do it anyway. i gossipped. i fussed. i whined. i just want my green pasture back. guess i will make the amends if i want the green pastures. it is kind of like mowing the lawn or vaccuuming the carpet: the lines don’t show up unless you do the work to make them do so. my friend asked me last night if i wanted a ticket to puerto rico for a weekend. it took everything i had to say no thank you. although, puerto rico sounds nice, it would only be me running away and getting into more trouble. i like trouble, but i like stability more. besides everywhere i go there i am and so running doesn’t really help, it just makes me tired. like now, i am tired. what is worse is that i slept pretty well. at least i have finished the inventory, i think, and can move on to less tulmutuous things so as to not cause any more chaos. maybe now i won’t be tired with already having sleep.