The future is no place to place your better days……

First things first, most of my friends are a good deal older than me. There are not very many 27 year olds in the mountains who are 1) educated, 2) single and 3) with out children. Needless to say I think I might be in the one percentile in three counties, plus the whole not drinking thing leaves me with the less than one percentile category. The reason I give this information is to preface the next sentence: I have two friends who are in hospitals due to stroke and one due to misc. internal bleeding. This sounds strange if they were all late 20’s/early 30’s, but they are not: two 60’s and a mid 40. The thing that I don’t like is that I know on the inside that the right thing to do is to go and visit them. Obviously, not until they are out of ICU and can receive visitors; however, I just can’t find it on my insides to go. This is my ponderings today. I am mostly not in the mood to feel and would rather just deal with dailies. I don’t want to see people all confused and hooked up to machines and things of that nature. This is one of the primary reasons I didn’t go to see my Grandmother in her final days. I didn’t want to remember her in a hospital. I wanted to remember her as I do, which is happy, joyous and free in her own home with her family all gathered in celebration. The last time I saw her was for Papa’s 80th birthday. She was so tickled that we all stood around and sang, Ben played his trumpet outside and that we prayed and played. She was so proud that we were all there for the reunion. This is the woman I last remember. I don’t want these people to disappear on me, but I don’t want to have bad memories either. I don’t know what to do. Hopefully, all of them will recover and come home and I can go visit then. I don’t know. I just know that these people mean a lot to me and I know that they are in the hands of God who will guide them, love them and take them if that is what is best. I would rather that He not “take” them, but then again, I don’t know the plan man. I guess I will sit in limbo until I find some urgency to act otherwise. Not making a decision to act is a decision and an action. Hard lesson: learning to not act that is. Hard lessons…………..