I only hope
that I won't disappoint you
when I'm down here
on my knees

and sweet
sweet
sweet surrender
is all that I have to give

Sometimes I wonder if what I am saying when I pray is right. Last night I was reading about Jacob and Rachel again. They have a lot recorded about them. Anyway, they ran away from Laban (her Dad) and are now hiding from Esau (his brother). Two things have crossed my mind: why did Rae steal the family idols? What is Jacob (Now Israel: he wrestled a man who touched his thigh and was renamed) so afraid of? I mean, if I am worshiping God in the only way I know how, and God is not giving any real stipulations on how he wants to be worshiped, how do I know that I am doing the right thing? Why should I be afraid of my brother (both figuratively and literally)? For me, I don’t know about idols or anything. The only reference I can personally make to the idolatry is alcohol and cigarettes. But I know that when I am not in alignment with God’s will, I am typically in fear. Usually fear creeps on me, too, in stealth when I know I have done something mischievous. Anyway, as far as I can see, Rachel and Jacob are up to no good. The other thing I wonder about is, what did Rachel say in her prayers? I say the Jabez prayer and a couple of other things that I made up, but am consistent in the made up part to make it feel rote.

On a lighter note, I ate at Gertie Mae’s today. With the last of my play money ($2), I bought a yellow, Gerber daisy. Kathleen is right, daisies are the friendliest flower. She is standing tall in a black coffee mug decorated in the latest fashion of a pink skirt of tissue paper. It is just delightful to have her at my desk as I go nuts with a data entry day. She has little slits in the end of her petals that make her tips have a spork like quality. She will enjoy joining the tulip, rose and the lilies. Those flowers are still kickin’ at the homestead, keeping my c-h-r-y-s-a-n-t-h-E-mums company. The mums are ready to move into a new pot. They have about had it with the current one. Anne is going to college, speaking of flowers. She is going to Redmond with Gil and Rachel Lynde is coming to stay with Marilla. Diana cried. It made me cry too. I wonder when Anne figures out that she is in love with Gil, because Gil already knows.

Speaking of girlfriends, (Diana and Anne) Cari, my girlfriend, is coming to visit and couple with John and I tomorrow night. I am so excited about having guests tomorrow. I cleaned like I normally clean with a little extra umph last night and tonight I am going to super umph clean. The big thing I have to clean is the wood burning stove. Ugh. I am serving a baked chicken over a bed of romaine lettuce with some type of fresh baked wheat styled bread; sweet tea, diet coke for beverages and coffee and cookies and brownies for desert. I noticed in the Anne novels that there is emphasis on the foods that are prepared and I also heard and article on NPR about culinary delights being of honor and not labor, I want the menu to be good to eat and good for us. We are also going to play a game, too. I hope I can play with a light heart. I have a tendency to become too involved in the game, but I want to change, so I want to play more. I don’t know the game yet. That is a decision in its self. I have been getting suggestions from the Game Master, Carter, so hopefully things will pan out well. My parents were big on games with other couples: like Scrabble with Uncle Mike and Aunt Mary; Monopoly at the Godfrey’s and Dungeons and Dragons with the youth group in Centerville and it seems like they’d play Rook with the Browns.