My alarm went off at six this morning, it was hoping that I would rise and shine to go run or walk or do something, but alas, it kept going off for the next hour. I am not a morning person and never have been, but when I make my mind up that it is time to be awake, I am. There is no use for caffeine in my world, although I do drink a lot of coffee, it is not what gets me going in the morning. I said my prayers. I turned on the radio to Morning Edition (there are no other stations that my radio picks up which is fortunate because it gives me a sense of home. My Dad used to listen to it while taking me to high school in the morning.). My coffee has already begun percolating because I set it the last night. I am awake and in the shower. Then it sets in. That feeling. That understanding inside of me. Morning, at the same time everyone else in the world experiences it. Morning, before the sun has come up because the time hasn't changed yet. Morning, by the sound of the school buses outside. Morning, with Charles Edwards. My life is already in motion. I can feel it. I know what to do next. I am going to get out my outfit and make my bed. I am going to dry my hair, dress and eat breakfast. It is work that I am going to do today. Not hanging out with friends and them paying me to be in their stores, but actual work. Work where the people don't know me. Work where the people are post office friends: the kind of friend you say hello to and ask about their children or parents or if they are feeling better and move on to the rest of your life.

The last day I had like this, when the morning was morning, I also had an impending doom. Doom is the worst of the worst lurking feelings in the back of my heart and mentally destructive in my head. I would hate my day before it even started. I hated where I worked, which was good because the feeling was mutual, they hated me too. It was aweful. I mean just aweful.

Those mornings. . .

Those mornings were the worst mornings and getting out of bed was something I succumbed to not something I would volunteer.

This morning though. . .

This morning, there was no hate. There was no gloom or doom. There was purpose without malice. There was no tinge of excitement because I understand my job already, I just have to become oriented. It is that sense of comfort and ease that comes with consistency and stability. God is here and with me in my morning. I am not afraid where my next dollar is coming from, I am not afraid of where I am going, I am not afraid of the people I am going to work--am working for and with, I am not afraid. The gift God has given me today, it is hard to describe since I haven't had it in so long, but here goes and I recognize that not everyone sees it as a gift, but today I do:

it is morning routine.