Yesterday I was kind of nuts. There is a component of my life that is overwhelming at times. More specifically it contains elements of obsessive complusive disorder, which will send me into the throws of my mind and I can't stop it. My entry yesterday I recognize was bland and it was due to my ocd that was happening. The thing is that I can't really do anything else until the obsession is resovled. The reason I say elements is because true ocd's don't find resolution. I do, thus the meaning in element. Anyway: after speaking with Michelle, the solution was to enlarge my spiritual life. There are not very many treatments for what I have and the spiritual treatment is the only one found to work for extended periods of time. So I am going to find a church. I am desperate to study the Bible with a group of people who want to study. I have been for some time. I am not interested in doctrines or dogma, but just rediscovering what it says and reconfirming the faith I used to carry as a youth. When I spoke to a fellow yesterday who has a stronger discipline than I do, he suggested that I take small steps and start by perhaps reading Matthew and go forward from there. I thought that was a wonderful suggestion and this morning instead of reading out of my meditation book, I read out of Matthew. Well, I read from the preface to Matthew. While it discovers a path of a humble messianic concept, it still had an archaic view that we are out to "conquer" the world!!!! While I recognize that Christ told us to carry the good news, I don't remember the word conquer. I guess I will have to re-read. I have been to my girlfriend Sherry's church, which is Episcopal. I really didn't like that there were no Christmas Carols until after Christmas. They prepared in vigilance during advent (as though they were waiting for the Christ child) which is a cool concept, but makes December rather glum. Another woman who owns the tea room next to my apartment has invited me to her church, which is a branch of the Presbyterian church. It is small and looks inviting. I know that I am totally attracted to her spirit and when I talk of spiritual matters she totally gets it, so now all I have to do is discover. I guess I will be on more of this spiritual trek that I began five years ago, well five years ago in July. Yeah, I will be 29 for the first time too in July. Who would guess those two would intersect? Cosmic. Cosmic as in I need the choir that sounds cosmic to open up and sing like a light turning on when I talk about the coincedence. Hahaha. God searching is so interesting.