Aint nothin but a God thing...

I am completely exhausted. My house was so clean when I went to bed last night and I had so much on my plate at work today, I didn't sleep. I mean, I slept, but today I feel like I didn't sleep. My mind even in my dreams, I was thinking about what needed to be done, what had been done and if it was acceptable, what might happen if I do it this way, what doesn't happen if that happens, . . .

Megan came and cleaned my house today. She said there was more dust in my home than she'd seen in any house she cleans. And I thought my house was clean.

My board meeting today was filled with personal criticism. I was called cold, unfeeling and unflexible. I should be ashamed of myself and embarrased. And I thought I was friendly, fun and compromising. I thought that I should be confident and have self pride in my work.

Strangely, my reactions were none. I used to react. I used to scream and kick and cry and cuss and drink and smoke. I used to eat pints of icecream. I didn't do that today. I laughed at Megan. Why else would I hire you to clean my clean house? I knew it wasn't clean-clean, only sort of clean. I looked at my hands when I was told I was cold and unfeeling. I don't know that anything would have made any difference. I am sure my feelings were on my face, but I didn't even cry. I held my breath. Can't get in trouble for a look on your face. Can only get in trouble for the words that come out of the mouth. No words. No trouble. I did cry once they were all gone. It was hard not to say anything. It was hard to be publicly called unfeeling and cold. It was even harder to hold my breath. Crying I felt was appropriate and not crying in front of the person who said it was even more appropriate. I didn't hit. I didn't scream. I didn't cuss. I am still sober. I am still without a cigarette. I am still without any icecream.

You know, there is only one way that happens.....Divine Intervention. Today was a good day.

Countdown: 73 Days