Truly, Truly I say to you...

I am reading the book of John. It is not the easiest Gospel. There are lots of things about it that I don't get and then for no apparent reason, he tells a story and I get it because it was so smoothly written. It's like a collage of people writing as opposed to just John. I am at Lazeraus being raised from the dead, folks talking about it and deciding, Hmmm...this guy is raising people from the dead, we should kill him. (My thoughts are yeah, brilliance, since he can do this for others, what makes you think if you kill him he wouldn't have the same occurance for himself? Isn't raising someone else from the dead a sure sign of ability in the immortality area of things?)

I have yet to figure out why they would crucify Christ (in John or any other gospel). Here is this guy going around healing people and loving people. All I can think is that it just had to happen so the irrationals took over the rationals. No sense. Jealousy. Intolerance. Control (or loss of it). Playing God without being God. I do that. I do all of that. Heaven forbid you tell me that I am not in control. I am better than I used to be though. It is as though the gospels pit this man of the divine against the men of humanity. The war of character defects and perfection. One of my tapes from a long time ago that I couldn't get enough of a couple of years ago and couldn't lay my hands on now if I had to, talked about the only truth is love and that everything else is an illusion. That is what seems to be happening in the gospel. Christ is shining and the rest falls away as illusions. That happens to me too. No matter what the illusions (or sometimes dellusions) fall away and there is nothing left but truth invitably love.

I also like that I read the shortest verse in the Bible. Interestingly, it has tremendous impact within the story. Other places talk about Christ becoming mad at the collectors or what not, or that he loves his disciples, but there is something to the fact that he was so moved that it brought him to tears. I don't know that I can understand what makes a diety mad or why he would do anything other than love those who are close to him or everyone for that matter because God is love. But to weep. Sadness. That is just different.

I only talk about what I am reading because the confusion that occurs in my readings so relate to my life. I just don't understand why my life is being written the way it is. I don't understand how others can be irrational in a time of rationality. I see the pits of character defects fighting the assests within and in others. I get that love is within me, that I am capable of, that others are able. I get that God is here whether I can see, feel, believe or not. How is it that something that was written long before any of us are able to grasp it is so old, carries forth into my life? Does humanity repeat its self? Has humanity remained that stagnate that not an ounce of growth has occured since the writing? Or is it that we are on the long journey to the middle? Jung proposes that we are all of one consciousness. If this theory is true then God is our dream and we are His. Interlocking consciousnesses. Is that why God is so tangible no matter how much we (as a society) deny it?

Gotta love a good reading. Makes me want to go back to school.