Heat

Ever have those moments of seething jealousy? I do. Like crazy. They reach up through my throat and seize my thoughts and whisper of sheer lies. My thoughts provoke an emotion that almost makes me cry. Instead I become angry because I don't want to cry I want to destroy that envious delusion. The anger hits me like a heat wave. I hear about women's hot flashes and that it what I imagine they must be like. Anger. Jealousy makes me say crazy things and makes me do crazy things. I say things that are vicious and inappropriate. I make things up that aren't true. Usually the jealousy is all stemmed from a false reality anyway so the things just foster the falsehood.

I hate jealousy. It disrupts my era of peace and harmony. It is something that rubs against my insides when I am least expecting it and can blow my fears out of proportions. Why doesn't it go away? Once I have identified the fear? GO AWAY.

All it takes are key pieces of information. BOOM. Anger. Jealousy. Pain.
God heal this where I am wounded.

I was able to take opposite action on an area of jealousy the other day. That felt good. I could talk to the person with no remorse. No misspeaking or judgement. I was okay in their prescence. I didn't want what they had. It became clear, they wanted what I had. Or maybe not. Maybe that was my ego. But it made it easier. I wasn't jealous. Opposite Action. It was hard. It will be hard again. Hopefully with a lot less. Pain.