There is nothing like a good piece of clothing to make you feel better, give you encouragement and lighten the spirit. Yes, I am giving a lot of power to something as material and trivial as a cashmere, longsleve, black sweater, however, sometimes that is all it takes to make me happy.

Actually, John took me shopping on Sunday. My love for John is what really makes me happy. He thought that I would like something from Sax because I have found a couple of things there before at the 400 outlets. Unfortunately, there was nothing at Sax. Well there might have been but due to the chaos of new management, there was no way to find anything. It was about like shopping at the Salvation Army. For Sax, that is saying something. So I went to Ann Taylor and LOVED the whole store and went to Brooks Brothers for women and LOVED the whole store. I found about several hundreds of dollars that I would love to dress in on a daily basis. Instead I got three pieces. I still managed to leap over the first hundred dollar mark. John didn't seem to care how much I spent. I think that is a guy thing. Guys like to buy pretty things for their gal. I watched my Dad buy pretty things for my Mom all my life. She lights up similar to the way I light up when John gives me something. I picked out a PINK--I can't believe that it is pink--button down, tapered shirt and a set of grey pants. The pants that I picked out are slightly too tight. They fit perfectly. They are the size I want to be too--well actually I want to be a size smaller, but I really hate buying a size bigger. They fit in the legs, the waist and the length, but there is that line...you know the line, around the pockets and highlighting the panties. ERG. So I bought them anyway and am determined not to wear them until I can.

It is amazing what a little motivation can do for a gal: as a result, I dropped dance due to assessment that 1) I have not lost any weight rather maintained the weight I had; 2) It is getting expensive on so many levels: money, time, miles on the car; finally 3) if I am willing to drive all the way to Athens to dance, then I am willing to stay at home and run. So I ran. Monday I ran a mile and walked a mile cool down. Tuesday I ran a mile with only a lap cool down due how dark it got because of snow clouds and that my friend was in the hospital and I needed to go see him. Today, I will probably do the new pilates dvd that my Mom gave me three months ago. Don't get me wrong, I am not doing this on my own. I am running with this chica from work. She is eighteen and a senior in highschool. She is the one who turned me on to nursing. She is positive and helpful as she used to run cross country and can remember what her coach said to her where as I cannot to save my life. She also loves to run and had been upset that she had to quit competitive running due to a heart murmur. I asked her if I was running fast and she smiled. I asked her what her miles were when she was running competitively, she said six minutes and under on a rare occasion. Now I know why she smiled. Her mother and brother and boyfriend think that it is nuts that we are running in 32 degree weather. I think it is exciting that I have FINALLY become willing to go any lengths to become happy with my body and my wieght. I am also excited that God sent me a running mate. We dress in three layers: long johns, extra t-shirt and sweats. By the time we are on our second lap we are warm and she is sweating. It takes me to the third lap to break a sweat. We are running in Pitts Park and you'd think that we'd be the only ones out there, but there is a soccer fiend from the highschool boys soccer team who is out there, an older man who is probably on a health watch and several teenagers who have the words I DO DRUGS stamped across their forehead cuddling together as though it is romantic to be at the park with their s.o.'s in freezing temperatures. Whatever! Did I mention my running buddy's name? Angel. Funny huh? She is my running Angel.

My guess is that the lovely black sweater, that was the third piece of my purchase on Sunday, is not the reason I feel good today. My guess is that it is my spiritual experience in becoming active in my life again. I have wanted for a long time to be willing to lose weight, to be willing to do what it takes, to be Rocky and overcome the odds of me growing into a plump American. I have known for years the most successful way for me to do so is to run. I have not been willing. I have been praying for months to become willing. My first step was becoming willing to dance.

In the process of dancing in the past four months, I have found that I am completely powerless over what I eat. If you say icecream, I scream until I get it. If you say chocolate, there is no help for me, my body will obsess over it until it is in me. The only relief is it being devoured. In the past three days, there has not been a craving for either. I have eaten well and not obsessed. I have been praying for a while: God please remove the obsession to eat more than I need and in the past three days that has been true. Michelle says that it is a process and that faith in God will ease the way and give me strength to do the things that are best for me. The prayer is something she suggested and it seems to be working. I feel better today. I have hope that I will continue to feel better about myself from here on out. I don't know what is on the horizon for me, but I know that as long as I keep taking care of myself, it will lead to God's will.

This scripture comes to mind: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul, lean not on your own understanding. I would tell you the book, chapter and verse, but I don't know it. Maybe Corinthians. I don't think it matters, it just matters that I know the word of God.

I am grateful today. I am grateful I know my God. I am grateful I know his Word and can apply it to my life. I am grateful to be willing today. I am grateful for cashmere. I am grateful for powerlessness and the power of prayer. I am grateful for my running Angel.