Once in a life time my friend:

Maybe Carter has been saying this a lot, but this year, this day, I find it to be true. This day is a day of work, play and amazement. Hopefully, I won't have to have this day again. I know some folks who have had this day twice, it must suck. I only want it once.

Today is my birthday. In my world, it is my birthday. I am six. I have not had a drink in six years. It is stupifying to think that this would be possible. I didn't think that I could.

Six years ago, I can remember calling someone. I remember crying. I remember not understanding. I remember being so afraid. I can remember her telling me to go to a hospital. She said she would call me a cab. I remember getting in the cab and worrying about that dog that Mom and Dad gave me, but knowing that I had to do what the woman told me to do so I got in the cab. I remember waking up in the hospital and it was dark. I remember crying and having something strang on my hand and being very cold. I was terrified. I was alone. I didn't understand what was happening so I did the only thing I could think of, sleep. I woke up again when this woman came into the room, she asked me questions. The key question that made her stop asking questions was: do you ever drink and drive? I responded: how else am I supposed to get home from the bar. (There were expletives in that phrase that I am leaving out because I was incapable of not using expletives as much as I was of not drinking.) She said, okay. I went back to sleep. I remember needing to smoke so badly that my hair hurt. There was a Dekalb Police Officer that had to go with me to escort me to have a cigarette. There was a Dekalb Sherriff who took me to the Dekalb Crisis Center. At the Center, they went through everything I owned. They took somethings away from me. They took some things from me and put them in a safe. They made me wait. They told me that I could call someone if I wanted to, but I couldn't think. I couldn't stop crying. I was so confused. I didn't know why I was there or what was going to happen next. I was so scared. I called my girlfriend finally, I could remember her number. It was aweful. I started needing a drink before they had processed me. I started shaking. I couldn't hold the papers they had given me. They said a doctor would see me in a minute. I couldn't stop shaking. I needed a drink. She came in, she gave me a shot and a pill and drew blood. She asked me more question. I was so tired. So tired. I couldn't stop crying. Please let me sleep. I slept. My first 24 hours without a drink.

Today: I woke up after hitting the alarm for almost an hour. I rolled out of bed onto my knees. I said, "Bless me Lord, Bless me indeed, Bless me a lot, enlarge my territory, lay your hand upon me that I may not cause harm, let me do thy will; God, please remove this obssession and compulsion to drink. God, please remove this obssession and compulsion to smoke. God, give me the desire to be sober and smoke free and be healthy today. Amen" I did my inventory. I did my meditation. I got ready for work. I went to work. I have been to meetings, eaten healthy. Talked to my girlfriend who is on her fourth day of not smoking (which I found equally as painful as not drinking except there are no drugs to help you down off of it or nut wards to lock you up in while you are coming down, it is CRAZY aweful: Go Meg Go). I haven't even thought about a drink today.

Once in a lifetime, my friend.