There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer. . .

Sometimes with all of these relationships, it gets convoluted in my head.

My perspective changes constantly. What may have been okay with me five years ago is not so okay with me today. Sometimes, if there has been a recent awareness or awakening, then what was okay with me yesterday is not okay with me today. When there is indecision, that is where convolution comes in. Sometimes I don't know what is okay with me and what is not okay with me. I was talking yesterday with one of my favorite people who happens to be a spiritual guru aka a pastor's wife. She was discussing how in the society which we live there are lots of places where we draw from for our ethics and morals however the place we are supposed to look is in the text, in the Bible. Yes, she is a Christian pastor's wife. Although, I don't know that they have pastors in any other religions, I guess I could have said Rabbi's wife and that would be different. My point is that yes, I seek guidance from people who surround me who typically like myself are Christian. A few are in the dark, but mostly the gurus are Christians. I agree with her point. We should look to the our texts for guidance. I use lots of texts for guidance, generally, I don't place emphasis on any of them because I recognize they are all written by man. None that I know of have God's signature on them. So last night I am reading the Book Of John. Yes, I am still in the Gospel of John. No I still don't understand it. No I can't remember exactly what it said, but what I do remember is that it said to "follow My commandments" which I am assuming are the two Christ gave, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and love your neighbor as you love yourself. (not sure that is verbatum either, but that is what my head read). So in my indecision about relationships, how do I love my neighbor as myself when I have made a decision to seperate myself from my neighbor? Isn't that an unloving behavior? Or is it? Is it loving for both me and another? I have found it to be true as a both. Sometimes I do it out of spite and anger. Sometimes I do it out of protection and defense. Other times I do it out of love. It is just best. My life gets better. Making the decision to stay seperate . . . How did I get to be so extreme about things? ERG.

The way I know I have made a decision is by the action I take with it. One of the nice things about perspective changes is that sometimes things that were not okay with me yesterday, are today. Less convolution.

Love my neighbor.