Drama

In my life this week, I have been unable to write because of the amount of psycho drama occurring. I don't understand how it happens, inevitably, it happens. I tried desperately to stay out of fear and in faith, inevitably it happens. I prayed, I talked, I wrote, I cried and I almost quit. I asked God for some help. I asked God for lots of help. I told him I was doing the foot work, I was not reacting in public, I was reacting with safe people. OKAY GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I wanted to quit. I was swearing, I was stomping my feet and crying my eyes out. I wanted to quit. This morning the meditation was about letting go. So I let go. I was ready for a new job. I was ready for a new place. I didn't care about details or how it was going to happen or how I was going to pay my bills or how I was going to make it. God is my new employer.

I didn't quit. I should have, but I didn't. It was a very hard meeting. People said things that were not consistent with their behavior on the phone and in the office. People changed the way they presented things. People laid more work at my feet. People pounced on me. People beat me up. Others stepped forward for assisstance. Others stepped forward to help a sinking ship. Others. . .had more work for me to do.

To be vital, faith must be accomplished by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.

I came out of the meeting in one piece. I came out with a new found support. I came out of the meeting feeling not great but not bad. I still have more action to take. I take more action. I am hungry. I take lunch. I take more action. I sit with authority. I don't like authorities. I am open to suggestions. Thank you God. She tells me that I am honest, hardworking and have put more into the job than anyone before me. She tells me my ugly character defect of mind has reared its head so that she can see it and to beware. I have taken action. I feel better. I am ready for a good weekend in New Hampshire. No more drama. No more drama. Back to serenity. Back to living in faith. Inevitably it happens.