Have you ever been in the middle of a spiritual experience, one of an education variety as opposed to a sudden revelation?

That is where I am right now. I can't seem to balance. It is not as though there is much to balance in the first place, but trying to get food in the mix makes me feel cloudy, fuzzy, like I can't stand up straight.

My brother asked me if I was going to give up anything for Lent. I laughed out loud. Give up for LENT?! You mean giving up alcohol wasn't enough? How about smoking? Meddling in other people's affairs? OH! I know I'll give up sugar and white flour, our bodies weren't meant to process that anyway. Oh, right, I have already given all that up! So what is it that you want me to give to God to enrich my experience with Him, or bring me closer to Him for only 40 days as opposed to say, the rest of my life?

Who was is that started this trend of forty days and forty nights of abstinence? Oh yeah. That Guy. I wonder if that Guy gave up alcohol, smoking, meddling, sugar and white flour just to get closer to God our Father. Some say He gave up sex, although I have never seen scripture about His celibacy. Some say that there is a human lineage, although I haven't seen any scripture that says that either. So we know know one thing is for sure, we don't have any idea if He gave up sex or not. 40 days and 40 nights in the desert, what was He thinking? Was He lost? It wasn't until he was worn out that He was tested. Faith fights temptation. And then He starts preaching. So why do we give up something for Lent?

You know, I find that food or drink or smoke is not really what blocks me from a relationship with God. That is just the stuph I hide away in, not the stuph that blocks me from His Spirit. The stuph that hinders me in a real walk with Him are things like: judgement of others, irrational jealousy, not taking care of me, dishonesty with myself and others, fear of loss, believing that I am unworthy. These things crush me. For some reason I do not naturally respond with "Hey Rae, you are a Beautiful Child of God." It just doesn't come up in conversation with me, myself or I. Inevitably, when my head says, "Wait! Don't leave me!" I am separated from God--instantaneously. Thunderstruck, as AC/DC would say.

I don't know that 40 days would do it for me. For only 40 days, I would be close to God? Is that all I get? I want to be close to God everyday. So shouldn't I give up something everyday to be closer to God? If I truly want to have a daily walk, shouldn't I do things daily?

I learn so much about my faith when I am growing spiritually.