"Who Knocks at the Door of Learning?"
"I am EveryWoman"
"What do you seek?"
"To awaken my Spirit through Hardwork and dedicate my life to Knowledge"
"Then You are welcome, all women who seek to follow You can enter Here"
My life is totally out of my control. As much as I would love to fit into my Red dress with White polkadots, it is not going to happen today. The last two weeks have been all about what I sought. I started down the path of educational experience three years ago. I recognize that this journey is contributory to me being sick and tired. I am not sick of school as much as I am tired of it. I am exhausted of tests, papers, the headache of trying to complete the long awaited senior final semester.
As a young woman I completed a liberal arts degree, which was...liberating. I had no tools to find my way in the world. I had no understanding of myself, who I was or who I wanted to be. The education was not for me but for all those who thought that I should have an education. Unfortunately, I was unable to use what I had acheived. I thought that I should try again. I thought, maybe I could find something to do of use.
Once again, I find myself in the same predicament as I did three years ago: unemployed and of no use. I am sick of unemployment.
I chose this path. I love the work. I love the opportunities it presents. I just hope now that I have found a career, I can get hired.
There has been no obtaining my seven goals that I set. My weight has not increased nor has it decreased. I am still sick and tired. Just thinking about changing my eating is a tumultuous upheaval of emotions: selfpity, anger, frustration, overwhelming disgust and tremendous fear. My prayers to God lately have been about "get me through this day" than about "help me eat right." Being thin has not been my focus. I made a decision for a different focus back in August of 2007. Now all I have left for that focus is 8 days. In 8 days I will have no more tests, papers, finals. In eight days I will have no more school. In 8 days all life as I have known it for the past three years will be over.
I hope that the hard work I have put into becoming of use will transfer into changing my body.