Somedays are about being broken. I took all day yesterday thinking that if I took a day to recoop from school work for a day, that I could get back on the horse and ride it through the next 8 days. Turns out, not so much. All it took was the glitch in a computer printing for me to fall a part. I was screaming at my husband and beating on the computer and in a total disaster of a moment. My husband's last torid comment was "Why can't you act like an adult?!". My answer was BECAUSE!
Yes, it was that bad.
Once I settled down, and my husband disappeared into a world of weed eating, I called my Mom. She did what Mom's always does and reminds me that it is just not that big of a deal and that it really doesn't matter and that it's all gonna be okay. It made me cry some more. I realized that the computer/printer was just the straw that broke the camel's back and that it had been a long time coming. I just broke: gave way to the pressures.
I finished my printing. I mailed my invites. I went into town to do some banking. The whole time I wasn't really all that cognizant, mostly just going through the motions. I came home and made some lunch and watch a little something on tv. And now the headache has set in from the overwhelming onslought of emotional crisis. While yesterday was about rest, today was about emotions.
There had not been a whole lot of God in my day today. I did say my prayers this morning, but I have not prayed since. Mostly just a lot of Self. Whenever I am this full of self, I do break. I have to surender all over again and remember that I am not God. Today is just a day of brokeness. The process of getting to the place to start over...again.