I have a friend who is dieing.

She has cancer, but that is not what's killing her. What is killing her is the cirrhosis. He body is no longer protected from the toxins in her liver. Her eyes were yellow. She had beautiful blue eyes and today while the blue is still there, the yellow is overwhelming. If she makes it alive until 17th she will have two years without a drink of liquor. Two years without a drink and it still is killing her.

I have another friend who cannot go 24 hours without a drink. She has a kid, a husband and knows about God, but cannot not drink. She cannot figure out how to have a relationship with God and doesn't understand how I do what I do. She hasn't had a drink since last night and it is killing her.

When I look at my life today, I see a sleeping husband, a lazy dog, a violin begging to be practiced, books waiting to be studied and bank account thirsting for money. I am one of those people who is broke and happy. I can remember seeing people who were broke and happy and wondering how they did it. Now I know.

You know, when I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is get on my knees and say a version of the Jabez prayer, and then I ask God to remove the obsession and compulsion to drink, I ask God to give me a desire to stay sober today. I don't know that I truly did that until I was in my Sautee apartment and had almost two years without a drink. Before then, I asked God to give me a desire to stay sober, but it was while I was still in that not willing to get out of bed stage of sleep and not sleep. It was still a prayer, but it is not the prayer which I take to Him today. I have an honest desire to stay sober today. And my disease is not killing me today.