So this week it was harder to love myself as I was in great anticipation and mostly just fear. This seems grave to those who don't know that I am afraid of my own shadow. This week though it was an ingrained, soul written, had no idea was there fear. Big enough that I was able to function throughout my life happily except when it was brought up at which time I thought I would throw up. Turns out that I am afraid of money. Not money like hey I got paid but money like not having to work for the rest of my life. While this is only a reality five years from now, it is still a great possibility. So I come writing today of good news for John and I: John got a killer job. I am no longer in fear. Turns out that through my little emotional upheaval I have learned that God doesn't want me to be poor. I have also learned that poverty is not spiritual. AND I learned that neither is arrogance. So, if you throw them both away, you have a pretty good person who can be of service to God. Hopefully, I will be a service girl.

In other farm news, someone stole my dog. The black and tan puppy. I am a little upset, and keep calling all other dogs, Rocky (his name), but it is better than finding him squished on the side of the road. There is nothing fun about cleaning up dog parts. It is easier on the heart and the eyes to just know that God got him. It did give me ample opportunity to see the pasture as I walked the entire 65+ acres with Mikey. Turns out that we live on a BEAUTIFUL piece. There are two creeks and a river that border the property. All of them look like something Cooper would totally get a kick out of climbing, swimming, fishing, camping, exploring through out. I was amazed by the landscapes they created. Found a good site for a bonfire which I totally expect to have in the next couple of weeks (after blackberry winter and once John gets back on a day schedule again--hurray for the day schedule).

On Saturday I was back to doing things that make me feel better again. I cleaned out the back bedroom. It actually looks like a place where someone could lay their head if they came to stay. There is a place to put our clothes and everything! There was LOTS of things thown away and LOTS of things to be given away. There was lots to just be put away. John thought it would be great fun to leave the trash outside to test the puppy. One for Mikey, zero for John. Trash all over the yard. ALL OVER THE YARD. Mikey had eaten something aweful, he was so stinky. However, he thought it was great fun and just couldn't get over the wonderful toy John had left for him. John didn't make that mistake again. He took the trash to the dump the next day, but left it in the mud room over night.

Our farm house is slowly turning into our home. Each day it gets a little more like John and I instead of like John and Albert. Thank goodness. Have I ever mentioned how bachelor's don't clean? Yeah, gross. But it is clean today. And I feel better about myself.