God Bless me, Bless me indeed, Bless me a lot,
Enlarge my territory
Lay Your hand upon me that I may not cause harm,
Guide me as I go throughout this day,
Thy will not mine, be done

I say this prayer every morning. I think I came up with it when the Jabez prayer became so popular. I am not sure it is the actual prayer of Jabez, but it is some form of it that I remember. Here lately, I have been in a place of a larger territory than I have known in a while, partially literally. And while the territory it expanding, I am not quite used to it and mostly just feel stretched out.

Growing pains?

All of it, for the first time in a long, long time is good growth. I have had so much growth that was to "overcome" the odds, that this kind of growth is unfamiliar. It is having friends who know me, but not so much and being able to love them for who they are and not for what they do. As a result, I have great relationships. It is being able to continue old relationships that I thought would never go on and on, yet they do. Then I come to find that they have changed and it is just okay. Change is not so scary after all. It is finding someone who has been there all this time, watching me, loving me and being the brother God had picked out for me and stumbling onto the relationship as though it were new and fresh despite knowing him for a decade. As I look inward on this relationship with this new/old brother, I realize I love him too. What a great feeling to have such a raw emotion, a vunerable place to be with another person who would have never been the one expected. It is growing back into the comfort of laughter with my husband again. Knowing that who we were surfaces despite poverty, absence, death defying acts of car dodging in the street and that we just love to be with each other in the midst of all of it, and we laugh. It is wondering if I will ever have time for all these people in my life while I am pursuing this path God has set in front of me? Large growth.

I am hoping that the territory that God has enlarged is actually a garden of my soul. That maybe just maybe I am growing some really cool flowers that only come up to bloom once a year and then others that are just plain Rae: blue hydrangeas. It kinda feels that way as I go from person to person. Some are hydrangeas others yellow roses, and still more are butterfly bushes or some strange wild orchid. Which are you?