There are few things in life that evoke emotion outside of one's own experience. That is why we like actors so much. Those folks who can convey circumstances and situations so powerfully that we can feel it ourselves without actually having the experience ourselves. I saw a movie last night that moved me. It was overpowering in its love, agony, tension and loss. It was a story of getting honest, even if it is a death's door. I know about that: getting honest.
I ended up last night in a place of old haunts. I use the word haunts because it is a part of my life that used to scare me, my family and what few friends I had. I was in a constant state of paralyzing fear. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was drink. The drink would allow me to function and not remember. I wouldn't have to feel.
I know that people do experience a spiritual awakening in the middle of the place of their fear. That is not my experience. I was supplanted in the north Georgia mountains. I got a God shot. As a result, I have not been down the old paths since that time. They were shocking to my senses last night.
I made a decision to change last night. I did something I have never done before on that side of town. I went shopping at Target. That seems very simplistic, I know. I wasn't able to shop when I lived there before. I was only able to drink and fear. There wasn't any real shopping back then. You know, the kind of shopping where you go in looking for something not know what that may be and will know it when you see it? I ended up not buying anything but it doesn't make any difference. Now I have a new memory. I have a good memory, not one of fear or petulance or degredation of self. I have one of a peace and ease. One of time spent not drinking.
My story is a garden variety story as far as spiritual journeys are concerned. Last night is a part of my journey: making new memories; daily, small changes. Everyone counts, every bit of a new life bearing principals like integrity, awareness of God, willingness, honesty.