Juliet says hey Romeo, you nearly gave me a heartattack.

• I can see the big dipper and Orion from the front yard.
• I have a marketing test on Tuesday that I am and am not nervous about taking.
• Megan is going to church and reading the book of Matthew.
• Mikey, the pup, is teaching Baby, the mama, that it is okay to be a loving thing.
• John has the sickness.
• I am still doing no white flour and no sugar. I am also up to three-five times a week cardio at 45 min, and two strength trainings: legs & hips, and shoulders, back, bi's and tri's. Next week will add in abs.
• My kids remembered to bring their Bibles to Sunday School.
• Am writing an article on DV for a local paper.

You and me babe, how bout it?

Success, or at least it feels like success. I am starting my fourth week (the 26th will be one month) of the diet. No sugar, no white flour. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know? And now Mom says that I will have to give up caffeine soon. Well preferably now, but I am a little overwhelmed with things I am giving up right now. Maybe later. It's not killing me yet. Typically I give things up when they are killing me. Sugar is not killing me either now that I think about it, but it sure was doing a number on my self esteem.

Today I was able to do 45 mins of cardio and "strength" training. The strength training is a three times a week thing focusing on different muscle groups each time. Today was legs. I did lunges with three pound weights twice (I was supposed to do it three reps, but I was afraid I was going to fall over by the end of the second one so I moved on to the next exercise). I did calf raises with three pound weights. I did hip adductions and abductions at 55 lbs. I did the leg press at four plates (the numbers were worn off so I don't know the weight). And finally I stretched. All of this took about an hour and fifteen minutes. Not bad. I came out feeling buzzy. If you ever had a buzz from a beer, you know what I am talking about. If you haven't...yeah, I don't know: sucks to be you? The nice thing about the buzzy was that it was from doing something good for me instead of something bad for me.

I also was able to eat correctly all day. I have also had the ketosis process start in which means that my body is processing the fat to make sugar instead of using outside sugars and storing excess sugars aka fat cells. It does weird things to my body like random muscle cramps in the legs or making my urine smell funny. The nice thing is that it means that I am getting smaller on a healthy rate. I haven't gotten back on the scales this week because I was too overwhelmed by the scale process last week. I have decided that I will do the footwork for healthy living process if God will handle the worrying about the weight. It leaves the mental consternation in the hub of prayer and eliminates daily mental activity that was cumbersome.

I have always found that exercising was a chore. My head told me it was hard so I wouldn't do it for long. The reality is for me to be at a healthy weight for my height and being the age that I am, there is no way for me not to exercise to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I wish there was and outside of heroin or the diet coke/cigarette method, there seems to be no other choice. I found a positive affirmation in my Shape magazine that has helped tremendously for my thinking: Working out is a way of honoring my body and my health. Since honoring the self is a way to honor God, it means something to me to honor my body and my health. I liked it and it changed my perspective on working out. Honoring God in all my affairs is a hard practice for life. I am slowly but surely being able to apply the God discipline in my life one affair at a time.

I am totally vegged out. I am ready to go back to school. I have to admit. I have been a slacker at the beginning of this school term. I really minded that I didn't get my books, but I really didn't mind that I didn't get my books if that makes any sense. I wasn't done with my winter break. I didn't know that of course until the wonderful three day weekend.

My hubby was at camp this weekend so I got the farm all to myself. Friday I went to school and then Grace's game which was awesome. They beat their rival team and Gracie score eight points. This was an important eight points as they only won by seven! It was a good game. I was sitting in the screaming parent section. I felt really bad for the refs. Although, I did see some of the calls that were obvious that they missed, but I didn't feel obligated to yell at them. After the game I had some Donnelly family time by hanging out at their house talkin' politics (Craig is GOP and Sherry is DNC...fun fun!) and drinkin coffee.

Then it was home to the MOVIE MARATHON. Yeah, my movie marathons make Carter's marathons look like duck soup. I also worked on my wedding scrapbook. I am spicing it up a bit to look more like a SCRAPbook as opposed to some pictures with pretty paper. It amazes me how much work an advertiser or magazine editor has to do in order to get page layout to work: placing opposing pages on similar color themes, having an overall flow to the book as a whole. My little book has taken a total new shape now that I have put some elbow grease into it. Although, I have run out of blue, light blue and yellow construction paper. Thusly the scrapping has come to a halt. I was busy all day Saturday and Sunday with the movies and the book. I didn't have church on Sunday due to fear of ice, which ended up just remnants of snow on the ground. It was excuse enough for me to skip church and watch more movies though. I know, I am a sinner and going to.... heaven anyway!

John was back from camp today which made me superduper happy. And now that my mind is totally numb from movies and fun, I am ready to go back to school. Luckily, I did organize for school. That was a good thing. I also did a chapter in my mktg class that seems easy, but something tells me the exams are going to be painful. Whew, I sure am grateful for MLK, Jr. today, how bout you? Thank you MLK for the day off for which I observed in peace and quiet of my own home.

I love Friday Night Lights. My brother thinks it is a stupid movie because the team loses, but the emotion in it still astounds me.

The movie is about integrity and intensity. Not many people can do both. Many times the intensity overwhelms the integrity. This is about 17 year olds being the best of the best. I remember being seventeen. I couldn't spell integrity. Okay, that's a lie. But I sure didn't have the ability to emotionally process integrity. I had no ability to be the best of the best. I never experienced athletics on the level that the men in this movie experienced football. These young men are rock stars for one football season. I love this movie because it clearly conveys the emotional effect of Texas football on five young men and their ability to be perfect.

It also touches on the end of that connectivity, that bond that happens between people during the emotions and after the intensity is gone. I can remember that at the end of a school year or the end of a musical. It feels like wearing a shirt that has been overstretched. It is too big and hangs in odd places. But it is comfortable to not be so tightly stretched out. I love that part of the movie: when Winchell smiles. They will always have that season no matter what else happens in thier lives; they will always be perfect.

notables:

• The routine I have in place for the semester is setting in well. I go to school, go to work study, go to work out, eat, study and play...a little. Mostly it is tiresome to my body on this schedule. My diet is successful. I am eating five small meals a day with a high protein content, no sugar, no white flour. I startled my brother with a fact that Michelle lost twelve pounds in the first week of this exact diet when she did it at my age. He was upset to think that I would lose more than a pound a week. I would be upset if I lost a pound a week. Turns out in my first weigh in, I lost 2 1/2 pounds. That was a diet for one week and one day of exercise. Next weigh in I will have two weeks of diet and one week and one day of exercise. Maybe the extra workout will give my body some umph to lose three pounds in a week. I was slightly bitter about the 2.5 pounds. I really wanted something tremendous like 5 or 10. People always tell me they lose a lot in the beginning. So much for that theory. It is nice to have a routine so there is less chance of screwing up. The army men have noticed my almond eating at eleven am or ten thirty am. They immediately asked about it. Funny how the work out fans can spot other worker outers. I also carry around a purple Nalgene bottle that my wonderful hubby got me. I think the combination were a dead give away for "athlete" (in the making). I do find that I feel like all my nerve endings are hanging out...I can feel everything. This is totally an abstinence thing. It happened when I came off of alcohol, nicotine and now...sugar. I don't remember the alcohol being such a bad withdrawl, but the nicotine: kill me now it was bad. I don't ever want to do that again. I'd love to smoke again, just not go through the withdrawls. Although, I doubt I ever will smoke again because the benefits are outweighing the addiction. Sugar however, I will eat icecream again. Not giving that up.

• I have my first quiz on Friday and still no book. It is a little upsetting to my 'A' student heart, but I recognize that it is in college algebra and even without the book I am ahead of the game in the class. She handed out example problems in class on Wednesday and I got them all right. Mmm...Plus, she drops our lowest quiz grade. Still, I am not used to not being way ahead of the class. Hopefully they will come in by today and tomorrow as per AMAZON.

• Fashion on campus has set in on this rainy Northeast Georgia day. All the fatigues have a poncho. All the girly-girls have "pretty" galoshes. They come in pink or black with polka dots, a red tartan, brown lined with black buckles. It is amazing how hip rubber shoes have become. The girls tuck their jeans into the boot to show off the boot. Weird. It is all the rage. If I could find one in none pink, perhaps a purple of some sort or navy blue, I'd probably wear them too. As it is, I will stick to my way cool hiking boots John got me before Christmas that were intended for me to walk on snow in WV without killing myself, but have come in handy for rainy Georgia days. Since we don't have many rainy days, I jump at the chance to wear them. I am less likely to go hiking in them as people are killing young women these days on the AT, so rain is a good excuse.

• Life at the farm is sad. We had a hefer give birth for the first time which makes her officially a cow. Unfortunately it was a "hard labor" and the baby got stuck in the canal. The cow made it, but the calf didn't. It was a beautiful thing too. But it caught pneumonia because the lungs never dried out. It was sad, but, I have come to find, part of the business of growing cows. The good thing is that the mama lived and is healthy. It means that more pretty calfs can be made and can make money.

• I have never been as excited to drive my dirty little Saturn as I was last night (I am conserving water and not washing my car. God took care of that for me today by letting it POUR down this morn.). I have been without vehicle due to some insurance and tag issues going on and last night I was able to drive MY CAR. The car that gets 37 miles to the gallon when buzzing around town and 40 on the highway. Yes, I get 37 miles to the gallon without being a hybrid. The bowing at the feet of the Saturn SL1 may begin. My eyes were opened to the gas crisis while driving John's vehicles. They get 27 miles to the gallon if you are lucky. I was feeling the pocket pinch that everyone has been screaming about at the top of their lungs in every form of media. I will not go through that again. I will make sure that my little gas stretching vehicle works no matter what until there is an alternative. Even the new Saturns don't get that kind of gas mileage. I will stick to my zip-zip car.

Boy I am fiesty today.

Back to it. I am back at school today. I don't have any books yet though which is strange. It is the first time I have purchased books on Amazon, so we shall see when they get here. My accounting class has a peaceful, easy feeling professor. Then I have a computer class where to my surprise, my professor was in a wheelchair. I have never had a disable prof before, but she was nice and the class seemed pretty straight forward. I get to build a website for class which seems way cool. Next is math. Yes, I have a college course called Math. It is college algebra according to the book I bought, but the class is called math. My D for Done in Calc back a hundred years ago didn't qualify me for Statistics, so I have to start from the beginning. I think it extended my time here by a semester, but it doesn't matter. I can do algebra in my sleep. Then I am off to workstudy and off to workout! Workstudy, workout..haha..

I haven't seen any of my friends yet, but I didn't expect to see them until tomorrow. I know of two classes that I take with two different friends. I was surprised in my accounting class that the gal that sat next to me was an evil girl to me last semester, but this semester asked for my phone number off the bat so we could study. Her question was proposed to ensure she was studying with a good student:"You made an A in the last course right?" I knew she made an A. I saw her grades on all her tests! Yes! I MADE AN A IN ACCOUNTING. Thank God for that one. I really wanted an A in that class. Hopefully she will be nicer than last semester. I think she is probably a nice person, she was just mean to me on a bad day. I am mean to people sometimes too.

Phrase of the day: "So how was your break?"

There are few things in life that evoke emotion outside of one's own experience. That is why we like actors so much. Those folks who can convey circumstances and situations so powerfully that we can feel it ourselves without actually having the experience ourselves. I saw a movie last night that moved me. It was overpowering in its love, agony, tension and loss. It was a story of getting honest, even if it is a death's door. I know about that: getting honest.

I ended up last night in a place of old haunts. I use the word haunts because it is a part of my life that used to scare me, my family and what few friends I had. I was in a constant state of paralyzing fear. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was drink. The drink would allow me to function and not remember. I wouldn't have to feel.

I know that people do experience a spiritual awakening in the middle of the place of their fear. That is not my experience. I was supplanted in the north Georgia mountains. I got a God shot. As a result, I have not been down the old paths since that time. They were shocking to my senses last night.

I made a decision to change last night. I did something I have never done before on that side of town. I went shopping at Target. That seems very simplistic, I know. I wasn't able to shop when I lived there before. I was only able to drink and fear. There wasn't any real shopping back then. You know, the kind of shopping where you go in looking for something not know what that may be and will know it when you see it? I ended up not buying anything but it doesn't make any difference. Now I have a new memory. I have a good memory, not one of fear or petulance or degredation of self. I have one of a peace and ease. One of time spent not drinking.

My story is a garden variety story as far as spiritual journeys are concerned. Last night is a part of my journey: making new memories; daily, small changes. Everyone counts, every bit of a new life bearing principals like integrity, awareness of God, willingness, honesty.

And I'm free in You...
Got no worries on my mind,
I know what to do...
That's to treat you right,
Love you kind,
Thank you ever on my mind...

So I am free to do whatever I want (except eat sugar or white flour). I watched so many movies today, I thought I would be crazy. I feel like I have had too many cigarettes without the coughing, mucus, bad taste in my mouth or smell on my clothes. Turns out this is not from the movies, rather from the lack of sugar in my system. Apparently there is a detox period (imagine that! just like everything else). It is a flightly, fuzzing sensation. So I used the energy for the good and went to the gym. I walked for about thirty minutes maybe more at an incline at a "brisk" pace. I broke a sweat. I felt good.

Ho hum, I hear the drum. That would be the school drum beating. I bought my school books on line today. They are a bit late in the purchase side of things, but you can never tell with online. I bought Dad's Christmas gift from CA and it said that it wouldn't get there until after Christmas, but it got there on the nineteenth. Who knows? Hopefully they will be here before next Friday. As by then the professors will have expectations. They cost me half what I bought them in the bookstore for which means that I overpaid last semester. Oh well, won't make that mistake again. Will order sooner next time though.

Have some cool pictures of the Opossum Drop but haven't figured out how to load them on the computer yet. New camera rocks! I take it with me everywhere. I need a hand protector case though, it is getting a little knocked around in the old purse. I am sure it will stay home more once I go to school. (four days left...)

I am still free for the next couple of days. Hurray...more movies...

Happy New Year!

Today is a day of rest, joy and challenge.

John and I went to Opossum Drop last night to ring in the New Year. It is in Clay's Corner, NC. It is just over the line past Hiwassee. There were gospel songs sung, prayers led by Dolly Parton and a video of patriotism with inspiring words from our current Preznit and past Preznits. Oh yeah, and they dropped a rodent at midnight.

We didn't get home until one thirty and I didn't get to sleep until about two-fifteen. So today was a sleepy day. I didn't get up until ten thirty and didn' get going until eleven fifteen. I ate my non-sugar, no white flour breakfast at lunch time. So funny. One of my girlfriends was shocked and laughing at me. But, hey, I am on break!

I am excited about our plans today to go and eat sourcraut and potatoes with our friends who are originally from Pennsylvania. They say that is their traditional New Year feast. Strangely, both are on my can eat list. They also don't make sweet tea because they are Yankees, so I don't have to be tempted. I look forward to the fellowship and food.

My brother has a tendency to make "resolutions" for the New Year. I had someone ask me if I made them and my answer was that my brother did. I know I want to lose about 35lbs. Maybe 40 if I can. I know that I want to maintain my 3.8 GPA (or better). I know that I want to go somewhere I haven't been... I am ready to grow through prayer instead of through pain. That's gotta happen at some point right? I am kinda tired of the being in pain to motivate me change. I would much rather just pray about things and change. No pain necessary. I know that I want to attain some physical/emotional peace. The chaos that I yearned for, I am no longer interested. I am ready to have one of those lives where people say so are you still doing...and for me to answer yes. So are these resolutions? I don't know. I know that they are things that I want.

I haven't had a school break in so long, I don't know what to do. I am finally on break. No parties, no family, no gifts left to give. My house is clean, my clothes are washed. There is no one left to visit. Nothing has finally been achieved.

I am starting a diet today prescribed by a trainer: no white flour or sugar for two weeks, five meals a day, cardio and weight strengthening training. I feel like I am jumping on the band wagon for the New Year resolutions, but I am not. I have put a lot of hard earned mental energy into this process. My willingness has been slow throughout the chaotic Christmas season. Now that I am to nothing. I was thinking I am more willing to do something. Michelle told me that it was a good diet but to watch out for gout.

Gout? Isn't that something people got in the middle ages? Or is it something old people get? John thought you got it from eating too much shell fish (which I don't know that I could ever eat enough shrimp!). So I looked it up. Turns out it is when your uric acid forms crystals on your joints. It is preventable through drinking lots of coffee, water, vitamin C and eating cherries. Mmmm...cherries. Gout, who would have thought of that one? So, I have a purple water bottle ready to go. And John is going into town today, so he will pick up some vitamin C. Turns out we have coffee (I'm sure you can't imagine me having coffee right?) and of all things, we bought cherries as a luxury the last time we went to the grocery store. Huh, not so bad if you ask me.

So no gout for me, I'll leave it to the old people in the middle ages to getting it.

Wish me luck. I am told that I will lose a significant amount of weight over the next six months by this trainer guy. I hope so. I am ready to be my slim self again. Back to the happy healthy look of when I was a swimmer. Slim and trim.

You are an extra ordinary woman, you are Wonder Woman.

That is how I have felt in the last few weeks. Make the in law smile, wonderful. Make the husband smile, wonderful. Make the mama smile, wonderful. Make the step-children smile, wonderful. I AM WONDER WOMAN. Boy was I glad to watch the dvd of wonder woman last night to find out that there are more out there just like me! HA!

I have always wanted to be this person. The person that I am today. I don't know how I got here, but I am glad that I am. I only have one more part of me to get it totally to where I want to be which is my physical being. I guess it will be my last demon. God will help me just like God has helped me this far. Through the raising by good parents, the guidance of good mentors and the love and warmth of both, I will be total wonderful.

On another topic, I have a great family. All things considered. I got lucky. My husband's family that is now my family, ain't half bad. It could be much worse. I am extremely grateful for them today, a little more than usual, due to knowing two that have lost their family in this holiday season. I believe in the power of numbers, so I think there will be a third. (My Mom is rolling her eyes right now, but she believes in ghosts so I can believe in threes.) Both who are gone are sons. Son of a John's friend around the corner and a son of my good friend Debbie. Her first son. I know it is hard to lose family members. I have not experienced anyone that was really painful to lose. I lost my grandmother a couple years back, but all her ducks were in a row and her spiritual strength, man what I wouldn't give for the spiritual fortitude she had. I wasn't hurt about her death because I knew that she was safe with God. It is like she went on a long vacation and I will see her when I get there. Sometimes I think she is still a part of my life (since my Mom believes in ghosts). Her pineapple casserole always seems to make it to family events. Loss of a loved one must be hard. I can't imagine losing someone out of the people that I saw on Saturday night. They all mean so much to me. There were a few who have divorced out of the family who I still miss, even though they divorced us. There were one or two who couldn't make it due to work or living far away, I think of them too. My family is just really great. I can't imagine not having them. Especially at Christmas.

I come home and there are people who have horrid family tales of Christmas. My "horrid" tale is that 35 people descended upon my Mother's home! My friends all die of shock that 1) I have 60 people that are invited and are family we like enough to invite to our home and 2) that 35 of them showed up. My friends all think of 35 people in their family (who I would never invite to my house) and cringe at the thought of them all being in the same place at the same time without referees or police. To me it is what I look forward to every year. I used to look forward to a drive to Dalton every year, going to Nenny's house. There were more than 35 people there. My Mama is now Nenny. What a wonderful woman she is. Maybe that is where I get it from. Wonder Woman Nenny, Wonder Woman Mama, Wonder Woman Rae...

I love my family. I am so glad God has given me the ability to participate in it today. It was just seven years ago, I couldn't participate in my own life not to mention a life with family. What a difference finding a God of my own understanding makes. I would have never guessed He would have given me all these glad tidings of joy. I hope y'all all had a Merry Christmas, because goodness knows, I had a wonderful one.

"I know that we are going to South Carolina to set up Iowa. When I say what's next, I am finished with that item and want to know what's next. So what's next? Nothing?! Good.

Well I feel bathed in the warmth of the candidate. "

I have yet to find respite after my four and a half hour final. My accounting final was four and a half hours. The gal who took six hours made a C, which was good for her. She is no longer an accounting major. I am though.

I keep running into more to do. With in an hour and a half of my final, I went to WV. With in an hour of coming home from WV, I went to meet with friends. Then there was the Christmas shopping. After that the Christmas Card preparing. Picture for the Christmas Card. Then the posting of the cards...75 cards. I still have four left to send, making 79 cards total. Then there was the wrapping of the gifts. Still looking for gifts. Working at the work study for four days. Packing for Mom's. Going to Mom's. Prepping for the party at Mom's. It just doesn't stop. I haven't stopped. Something to do. Something more. What's next?

Something is always next. I want to have a day where I say, nothing? good.

For those of you who think that I have dropped off of the face of the earth, I did. I went to WV. Anyone who has been to WV knows HOW off the earth it is. BUT, I thought for those who are still interested in my life, I thought I would give a good news Christmas blog:

Good News: I made a 3.8 for my first semester back in college.
Accounting: A
Macro: B
Micro: A
English: A
Management: A


Merry Christmas!

And then there was one...

I asked a gal who takes easy econ with me if she'd taken the accounting final already. She said yes, and it took her six hours to take. SIX HOURS? She said yes, and then she changed her major. She is no longer an accounting major. After a six hour exam, I would be hard pressed to stay with it too. She said that she was the last one. She said that most people finished in three. THREE HOURS? For a scheduled hour and a half exam? Can you say this professor is nuts? Yes, he is.

He is a West Virginian, gospel singing, gang busters Christian, man of accounting, nut. And this is not something he wouldn't self proclaim. He sings to us old country songs just to see how culturally exposed we are. Things like: Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life. (It turns out that is a real song.) Most of the songs I can sing along, but every now and again...

Our second exam took me over two hours. I was the last in the class to leave. Our third exam took me not even the whole class period because he didn't teach enough stuff to make a full test. I have had my guess that the exam (its comprehensive) would be devistatingly long. If for no other reason than to generate the amount of information that he wants. If I am going to pour my accounting knowledge out on the table, it would take me at least three hours to spill. Even then, I am not sure that I would be empty.

Six hours...

I'd have to go pee at some point in six hours and there is no way he'd let us leave and come back. Too much room for cheating. Six hours. That poor gal. Its too bad to, because I was hoping to see her in class more.

Luckily, there is no exam following our exam so if I have to, I'll stick with it till the cows come home. ON A SATURDAY no less...

Just one more left and I get an entire month to play. Play, play play...yeah, I am not taking six hours. Forget it, I am going to make Christmas sugar cookies and hang out with Meg who I haven't seen in two or three weeks because of school.

One more exam. Just one. Wonder if there is a bad gospel-country song for that!

Two down, Three to go...

I have a multiple choice English final today at one o'clock. I can't even think of how to prepare for a multiple choice English Final. For the mid-term, I didn't study because I have other things going on and made a B by the skin of my teeth. One point more and Ida had an A. Out of undue loyalty, I am making myself study for the final. I have taken the review sheet and anything I don't know off the top of my head, I am looking up. For example, one of the topics she wants us to know is "redundency." Yeah, I am not looking that one up. But weird ones like "Boolean Operators," I will take the time to clarify so I know them for the test. If you can tell me what a boolean operator is, I will bake you a pecan pie.

Tomorrow is my easy Econ class. In case you are curious, that would be micro economics. It is easy because he gives you the test as a review sheet. This is a man who scared the devil out of most of the students on the first day. We originally had sixty people in the class. He told us that we had three tests, no extra credit and if we cheated, he would catch us and throw us out of the school. There are only thirty in the class now. He is a really nice man as it turns out. And I have a solid A in that class.

When there is little motivation to study, it is amazing how many other things come up that I need to do. I dusted the ceiling fan this morning for instance. How important was it? Not very. I don't know that I have ever done it. THAT is how important it is. My head is now significantly in pain as a result of my sinuses being stopped up from all the dust which is even more reason to not study. This is bad. I need to find out about booleans.

Ah, to study or not to study, that is the question.

I'm getting something for this love's labor,
even when I am forgetting...

I have forgotten how intense the last days of school are. I am pretty scared. It's been a while since I have taken a final. Just the word: final, it sounds so...final...like the end. The reality is it is not the end. It is just the beginning. I still have about three years worth of work ahead of me. John has encouraged me to go on and get a masters as well since I will have 30 hours worth when I get done getting the cpa. So masters here I come. Finals are not so final when there is three years to go.

Who would guess I would get a masters? I mean Carter getting a masters, sure, he is the smart kid in the family, but Rae? She is the misfit. She might be smart, but not disciplined. She is crazy!

But man, on Saturday, it will feel final. I have a final on Saturday. Who thought that was a good idea? Finals are so cumbersome. I only have two that are cummulative. They are english (multiple choice) and accounting...the longest test of my life. When English became a multiple choice possiblity, I don't know, but it is. The accounting I expect to be a total of three questions that will take two full hours. It is math and math profs like to do that kind of thing. Or it will be a bzillion questions totally contingent on each other so if you get the first one wrong, the whole test is wrong. That one is on Saturday. Strangley, I made a deal with the prof that if I get an A on the exam, I get an A in the class. I have a solid B in that class to a point of not being able to make an A statisically. But he said that he'd give it to me if I did it on the final exam. So I have to make an A.

Today is a reading day. Although these days they call it an academic day. It is a day with no tests, no papers, no teachers. It is a day to read. I actually went to a study session with the accounting teacher for two hours and gave up and left when there was no end in sight. I saw that there are lots of people who are in the accounting realm with me who are not in my class. They are taking most of the same classes as me but at all different times. They are amazed at my ability to say, okay I get it. Now I just have to remember it. That is what reading days are about. Remembering. Maybe it should be called a memory day. I have all A's and B's. I used to have a C, but managed to bring it up. The last time I had all A's and B's was thirteen and a half years ago. I ended up with a 3.6 for the semester. I made deans list. I hope I make deans list again. That would be so cool.

Back to remembering...remembering that it is not so final.

I used to come home from school as a "latch key" kid, actually, we had a hide-a-key, which used to be a great game if either Carter or I would get home first, but then Carter never came home first because he went to school on the other side of the county. Then I quit coming home first because of sports and other school activities. Then we all quit coming home to a hide-a-key. We just had our own key. But I would come home and dilly-dally for about 30 minutes. Then Mom would come home and sort out the trouble I had caused between me and my brother. Then Mom would fuss at me to do my homework, practice my piano/violin, and wake her up in 20 minutes (she would promptly crash in the recliner in the florida room). So be it. I would...do whatever. She always woke up in 20 minutes without me having to wake her, which was unnerving if I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. She would turn on the pink radio on the washer/dryer in the kitchen to NPR at which time the All Things Considered theme song would sing. I then would know I had about thirty minutes or less to set the table and feed the dog. I never really listened to the show, but the music was nice and there was something familiar about that chime from the show everyday. It made home, home.

I am in the process of making the farm my home. I haven't really put too much effort into it until lately. My kitchen was first. It is now a place that I want to live in except one thing. I make the dinner, set the table, wash the dishes, but something was missing. I finally figured out that it was the chime. I started trying to figure out how to get the radio in my kitchen without buying anything or moving anything. Another problem is that most radios have a hard time picking up the local GPB station despite it being right over the mountain at the college. Tonight it came to me. The computer. Perfect.

So while I didn't make dinner tonight, I made two pecan pies and apple cake. The cake and one pie are for thanksgiving at Mom's. The other pie is for a dinner with friends tonight that is a gratitude dinner for everyone before we all go home to families. It worked. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da-da, daaaaa...tttttttttttt.....then I baked, I cleaned and I will eat. What a small treasure to make home, home.

Life on the farm...


Every once in a while a calf will not wean from the mama cow. In times of initial stress, there is a simple solution: take the calf away from the mama. It takes three days. Easy enough. So the cow is in the pen. The calf is in the pasture with the heard. Weaning begins. Weaning leads to mooing. Mooing is to call the calf to milk the udders that are FULL. COME MILK MEEEEEE translates to MOoOOOOooOOO.

Recently, we started weaning a cow on Friday. Only nobody told me that we were weaning anything. I started dinner and am beebopping around my beautifully organized, cleaned kitchen. There is a scream like a child who can't decide if they are hurt or laughing rediculously in pain. The edge of terror and gaiety. I look outside expecting the dogs to respond if somethings up. No response. I think to myself...hmm...that's odd. Must have been an coyote. Yes, that's it. A Coyote!

Eric pulls in his big big truck and tells me he is going hunting. Okay, come in for dinner if you like. AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh!!!! That's no coyote. I look outside. Eric is feeding RedDog leftover breakfast from the depths of the truck. No flinching.

NOW, I am crazy. There is a child or girl or is screaming in my head.

So when John gets home and there is a AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhh!!!! I say seee...what is that? He said he didn't hear it that he would listen next time.

We go to the movies and come back. AHhHAHHAAHHHHH!!!!! JOHN! What is that?!

Oh that? AAAAHAAHAAAAAAHHHHhhhh!!!!!

Yes, that.

Oh, that's the cow in the barn, she can't moo. That is the sound she makes.

A cow who can't moo? I am crazy.

I can't remember watching a presidential debate. I know that I have, but I can't remember it. I guess now that I have a better understanding of what a presidential race is and what the issues facing the cadidates are, I am more vested in the exchange of ideas through the great debates. I haven't had the opportunity to watch the other democratic candidate debates. I won't watch the republian candidate debates because 1) I don't vote republican and 2) there is no one convincing enough for me to even consider to vote republican.

Just in the first forty-five minutes of the debate, I know why people are political buffs. This is like watching a sports match. There are seven candidates who are overwhelmingly overeducated on the issues affecting the nation who stand forth and go to battle. It is an explosive joust of proposed solutions. Whose solution is the best?

It is interesting that the leading candidates separate themselves through this statement, what I would do as president. They convey themselves not just as a possible candidate, but a heavy weight, as the next president. They have concern and respect for the office. They are not just senators, they are chiefs. They are commanders. They are civilians. They are leaders of the nation with or without winning the candidacy or the presidential race. They are the decisions makers for the people of this country.

My Opinions:

Biden is doing a great job in the debate
Edwards does his best, but is still pushing the mud.
Obama is getting killed by Lou Dobbs.
Clinton is the best.
Go Hillary Go!

It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

That is the feeling on campus. Everyone is done skipping classes on Fridays. There are small study groups begining to form in the lobbies. The projects are finalizing. The teams are meeting for a final time before the presentation. The last papers are being written. Students are getting tired. Teachers press on in discipline to teach as many chapters and topics as possible to include on the finals. There is a wonder if it will ever end. There is a knowing that it is almost over.

We are standing on the edge. We can see the relaxing pool of water below. All we have left to do is dive. There are two weeks left of classes--9 days. There is one week of finals. Then there is a WHOLE MONTH of nothing. No tests, no friends to impress, no papers to write, no teachers to question. Nothing. Just relaxation. My brain will get to pause...not think...just play.

People wonder why they don't get along in the "real world" once they get out of college. I know why I don't do well in the real world. I like the college world. Give me challenge on a daily basis for four months and then give me a month to recoup. That's what I'm talking about. I am born to be a college student. I love standing on the edge. I love finding out what I learned this past semester. I want to sing at the top of my lungs because I have been practicing all semester long, but my scene isn't up yet. It won't be up until December 8th. Then I can give a triumphant YALP, loud and as long as I want to and then...relax....then it will be over.