3 A's down, two to go. I am almost through a series of "first tests" and mid-terms. It just depends on the prof as to what they call it. Some of the tests I have not made ligitimate A's on, but curves are great. I made an 87.5 (high B) and with the curve, I made a 104.5. Yeah, isn't that one weird? The highest grade in the class was a 92, so I figured on 8 points, but not 16.5. Crazy. I had another test where I made an 80 (barely a B) but the curve was twelve points! He had to throw out three questions on that one and then to boot he curved. Crazy. The third test, I haven't actually gotten back yet, but when you know the answers, you know the answers. There is only one real rule in Accounting: BALANCE. Not only did I balance, I put all the numbers in the right spots. That is the only way to balance. He is a funny prof, he calls me Dr. G. which makes me laugh because for the first time in my life I am being called my Dad's name instead of my Mom's. Crazy? Yeah, Crazy.

I got invited to a Toga party! Isn't that just the funniest thing ever? I was so tickled. I told the gal thank you, but I am a little old. She said no one was too old for a toga party. Maybe that is what I will do for John's 50th b'day, throw a toga party. I told her that I was going to a 50th b'day party on Sat night, but thanks. She snarled up her face and looked at me like I was a duck and said, how OLD are you?

Today is a great day. It is cool outside (thus inside my home). My husband is home. We are at our home together. It seems like we haven't done this in a while. He has something to do or I have something to do or we are not here at all but visiting someone. It has been a while. I like long mornings in bed with coffee and reading and a cool breeze.

Has anyone seen my week? I had an extra week lying around here, but I am not sure where it went. I could have sworn it involved a test, a quiz, a paper, a presentation, working, traveling to WV & back again. If you see it would you let me know? I could really use some perspective on how I did in my grades. I would think some thank you notes would be in order for the visit as well too. Let me know who to send those too btw. You know, maybe I should turn in a time sheet too-or a paycheck? I don't know what happened to my week. It was just here. Or there. Mom always tells me to look under my bed. Maybe I can find it there, next to my soccer cleats from tenth grade.

I wrote an essay. Well, I wrote a speech, I think. I am not sure, I have never written a speech. But the essay had repetitive key clauses that makes it sound like someone campaigning rather than someone entering a contest. The contest was for a prize of $125. The poly-sci dept issued it at school. One of the profs gave out extra credit to his students so they would enter it, which means that I have some competition. I didn't think I would have any, but as it is, a few who go for the extra credit, one of which I know, is taking the LSAT, threaten my chances for winning. Whew, smart gal. I don't know that I am that smart, but maybe I can win the contest. And, the money would be nice.

The question for the essay is: With the uncertainty of the upcoming 2008 Presidential election, is it time for: a woman president, a minority presdient, a mormon president?

I think the idea behind the question was to support one of the three and write about it. At the time I started brainstorming for the paper, I was watching the West Wing. This is something I do often. It helps me to write. They speak with the forethought and vocabulary which I like to write. I wish I could speak that way, but I am just now learning how to think before I speak and have only had a couple years practice at it. I still screw that up as a result. I had finished the second season and went to put in the third season. At the beginning of the third season, they perform a 9-11 tribute. It stirs me to watch that particular episode. It is called Isaac & Ishmael. (I might be spelling the names wrong, but you get it.) It directly answers the 9-11 attacks. It amazes me to see this episode. Strangly, as I watched the small play and it shifted my perception. Instead of seeing the question as choosing one candidate and supporting it, I saw it as a yes or no question. I answered yes.

I don't have many opportunities to write my opinions nor do I write well, but I am including the essay because I worked hard on it and I don't know that anyone will read it (outside of the professor judging the contest) and want some feedback. Know now, this is a long blog.

The essay(maybe speech):

Speaking with one voice, people of varied backgrounds filed for their candidacy for election to the Presidential office in 2008. The time for a president of another race, gender, creed is now. The Forefathers of our country created an idea, a foundation for this country, called pluralism. What started as an impetus to freely believe and worship as they chose, now employs the freedom to elect the office of the President of the United States as the people choose. Let the President believe as she wants to believe. Let the President be who he is and not pretend to be someone we want him to be. Let the President not just exercise the freedoms the forefathers created, but represent them. Let the President be elected based on the populace and their representatives. The idea that our country can have a society that embodies diversity on all levels of government stems from the building blocks upon which the writers of the constitutions constructed this country.

Pluralism challenges the people to utilize their free will to know that something new encourages the office of the President to grow stronger on a domestic and global scale. Changing the norm, while it admittedly presents a challenge, has promises of new diplomacy, peace and power. No one likes change. Change is difficult.

Change has been so difficult for the American people - they had to be told twice that people of color had implicit rights as citizens of this country. The first time cultivated a war great enough that more Americans died fighting in it than in any other war. The Civil War divided our nation, fighting over racial liberation. A second revolution through peaceful protests occurred over 100 years later.

Change is so difficult for Americans that it took 72 years to concede in 1920 that the constitution was clearly written to include both genders, that women have equal rights to citizenship as men. As insurance and clarification the nineteenth amendment was ratified. A second revolution occurred hand in hand with the revolution of race. Women began breaking barriers in the work force. The growing pains of this country lasted more than a century.

Change is so difficult for Americans that the founders of this country in 1773 rose against their authorities to fight for the rights to worship God as they chose. Looking for a new life, a new perspective, knowing that the end result would mean revolution and independence, to choose as they wanted, they went to war. This war, the American Revolution, which lasted for eight years, led to freedom of religion. As reinforcement that the efforts of these men, who fought so diligently and victoriously, would not be in vain, they founded a guiding principle of separation of church and state. This principle allows us to freely practice religion as stated in the First Amendment in the Bill of Rights.

Shifting perception can be a magnanimous event when it comes to convincing 300 million people. Luckily, the shift has begun. The voice of the people can be heard with the listing of the candidates. The people are ready. The people are ready to handle the change commanded by Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and Benjamin Franklin.

These candidates embrace the possibilities available to them through the rebellion of the monarchy in 1776. Standing from their podiums, they shout at the top of their lungs that which you would counter at the top of yours. They are qualified, they are knowledgeable, and they are the essence of the populace voice. The candidates present opinions and solutions to issues that affect the heart and soul of this nation. With tenor, rhythm and pitch they stand heads tall convincing one person at a time the egregiousness of the necessity to vote. Listen to their voice and find one that is agreeable and vote.

In these days of the uncertainty of the coming national election, weighted issues persuade the candidates to voice their answer to the failures of the current administration. The “war on terror” falls short of the promised success in its initial campaign. These failures have generated its greatest weapon, propelling the people to act for change in their leadership. Armed with the same intentions of the Americans from over 200 years ago, the candidates thrive on their diversity. The failures of the current administration promote the pluralistic draw of contenders for the next chance at Commander in Chief. Side by side they stand to be elected, which in turn infuriates the Islamic extremists. Unknowingly, the Bush administration may accomplish exactly what it set out to do: strengthen and protect the country. To win this war, the time for a president of a different gender, race or creed is now.

Change is imminent. Change is difficult. Change is now.

There is a strange thing happening at school. The students are studying. Now, I know this may not seem odd to so many of you who have had a true college experience, but I haven't. The first test season is now in play (mine is not for another week and a half, but others are not as lucky). It lasts from now until the first week of October. There are students everywhere in the hallways, common areas, libraries and they are studying. Some of them look haggard from staying up late last night. Others are skipping a non-tested class in order to study for a testing class. They are in groups and individually wrapped around English, Finance, History, Economics. Some have even coaxed a tutor into helping them study.

The A students though are not studying like this. They have all been studying all along. They have been reading the chapters, reviewing notes everyday. They know the material already. That nervous studying that is going on with the non-A students makes the A students roll their eyes as though to say, where have y'all been? We've been in study mode all along. A students get to class early. They carry the appropriate book for the class. They don't skip classes for any reason. Most importantly, they are not frightened when they enter a testing class. They know the material. They test themselves everyday on the material. They can discuss the material critically in a discussion using correct definitions, key concepts and core principles. Who cares about a test, they are educated.

You know what I have been thinking for the past several hours as I walk through the hallways and common areas? Where have y'all been.

Acconting is bending my mind. Did you know that assets are a debit? They are a positive debit. Did you know that expenses are a debit--see that one makes sense, but wait-they are a positive debit. Liabilities on the other hand are a positive credit. So is owner's equity (capital). Accounting is trying to shift my perception. Ignore everything you know about credits and debits, my accounting teacher says. He is not a Dr.. He is a CPA. He is a gospel singing, West Virginian country lovin', right wing conservative republican. He wears his Sunday best every class. He could be on one of those Christian Network shows, except he would be teaching accounting.

Assets Dr+ Cr-
Liabilities Cr+ Dr-
O/E Cr+ Dr-
Revenue Cr+ Dr-
Expenses Dr+ Cr-

A=L+O/E

Now I have learned new things since I have come to this college, but none as difficult as this. Although, wanting to be an accountant means that this idea has to be second nature to me. If I look like a pretzel at the end of this sememster it will be because of beginning accounting.

I got the Snickers! Finally. I have a professor who teaches an 8 am Macro Econ course who is a very bland orator. His voice is pretty close to monotone and he loses volume at the end of his sentences which makes him sound as though he is mumbling. He is really deliberating, but it comes across as mumbling. He does wierd things like bangs on the desks arbitrarily to wake the dead--rather wake the sleeping in the class. If I were a traditional college student with no drive or clarity in direction for my life, the class would be hard for me to stay awake in too. As it is, I am always awake at 8 am on any day and I want an A. So I listen, take notes, drink lots of coffee. Another impetus to listen is the snickers bar. I don't know that I will eat the thing. It was just that I hadn't gotten one yet. He tosses snickers bars out to the people in the class who answer his questions correctly. I have been so busy taking notes that I have not found a successful strategy to answer a question and take notes. Today I found it: talk and take notes at the same time, but watch out for the throw. He asked a question and my head coordinated my mouth to open in an almost involuntary way and answer the question. Although, I was still jotting things down as he began the toss of the Snickers Bar. It was a quick glance that I realized I was being rewarded. Unfortunately, he only gives one bar per person. I was able to execute my new found tactic several other times, alas, no extras. There is a maximum. Now there is a quiz on the material that I have to take tonight. I hope that I can get another A. My last quiz was an A. He drops the worst three quizzes and doubles the highest two. I am not sure how this balances out, but I am sure he knows how it works, which is more important. I was begining to believe I would never get a Snickers even though I know the answers to all the questions. Whew, finally.

There' s nothing like being Mrs. Kahle. When I say that name out loud, I always think of John's Mama. But officially, as of yesterday and the Social Security Administration of the United States, I am Mrs. Kahle. My driver's liscence says so too. Strangly, I changed my name on my liscence but my renewal date is the same. They didn't harge me for it though.

My first duties as wife to a tenant farmer was to tend to cows. Yes, cows. Calfs actually. We had a dead calf on the farm yesterday morning. They sometime contract a disease called black leg. They get it from the dirt. Cows, as it turns out, don't just eat grass. Sometimes they eat dirt on purpose. It has minerals in it that they need to stay healthy. However, for the calfs, it is life threatening when not vacinated. Thus, dead calf. The cows, when they lose a calf, holler. They don't holler when the calf dies. So it is hard to know when one is dead until they are gross. So this morning, the other calfs recieved shots for black leg. We are not sure that is what the other calf died of, but it is better safe than sorry. Eight calfs, eight shots. Papa Bud and John rounded up the herd and seperated out the calves. I rounded up the vaccine and syringes. I also handled the dogs otherwise they like to play with the calfs. Finally the calfs are caroused into the chute. I hand the loaded syringes to John, who shot the calf and painted it. You paint the calf so you don't shoot it twice.

Now I know it seems like I didn't do much. I sure didn't break a sweat or wade through cow manure. My husband was DISGUSTING when he finally got done and let the calfs out. He had sweat, dirt, manure all over him. Bleck. So he trapsed in and immediately took a shower. I sat down to blog and then, I could smell it. I smelled like cow. I smelled like icky, sticky gross cow. It was in my hair, a thin layer on my skin. whew. It was aweful. So I was next in the shower. I would have to say, I am officially Mrs. Kahle via the United States and the farm.

I have A's in all my classes as of this week. What does that mean? It means that I have only one class that has not given me a grade at all and won't except for an exam, so all the other classes the work I have turned in is an A. In English (two quizzes and team minutes plus two extra credit visits to the writing lab), I have an A. In Econ I (one quiz and participation), I have an A. In Management (three journals, class participation, one paper, three team meetings), I have an A. In Accounting (two homeworks), I have an A. Econ II, no assignments yet. I only have exams in that class. No extra credit either. Yeah, when he said that as he was giving out the syllabus, half the class dropped out. Wimps. I have all A's. Beat that with a stick. Hopefully it will stay that way. Time to study for my next quizz in English. She gives a quizz every class. So I go to the writing lab every class too. That way I am a point ahead. I want to do what Grace does and make 105 in the class. hahahahhaa.....105 in a college course that's funny.

I am supposed to teach fifth and sixth graders about the Armor of God tomorrow. I wish I could teach them about the amour of God. Alas, it is not to be. The passage is as follows:

Finally. to be strong in the Lord and in the strength fo his power. Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but it is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly places. Therefore, take on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, stand firm. Stand therefore and fasten the belt of truth around your waist and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arows of the evil one. Take the helment of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit in all times in every prayer and supplication. Pray also for me so that when I speak, a message may be given to me to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it boldly.

Ephesians 6:10-20

Yeah--spiritual warfare and sixth graders. Somehow that baffles me. They will be shaped by the ideas that I am teaching them and you want me to talk about the devil to sixth graders. How do I know that the devil hasn't already repented and asked God's forgiveness? How do I explain that there is a fight going on that we can not hear or see that is going on to steal our souls when we are dead. Both sides want the soul. Both sides don't get to keep it. Which will you choose? Yeah, I didn't like it when they taught me about it in ninth grade at Gatlinburg, I am not really sure these kids will like it at sixth grade. Especially since they are Episcopalians and this is really Baptist material: wear your armor of be taken by the devil. Yipe. It sounds even scarier out loud. In the good fashion of being a West Wing watcher, I am going to spin it.

I think rather than giving them the whole passage, I am only going to give them the armor of God part. All the devil's fight, I am going to spinout. I think we can talk about how to use the armor in our world (ie we wear the breastplate of righteousness: do the next right thing; belt of truth: we don't lie; etc). I think they can grasp the good versus evil part. We talked about that a little last year in Narnia and all of them have read Harry Potter so that's an easy analogy. Then we can talk about how we use the spiritual tools in the world so as to represent Christian values. That sounds a bit more like it. If I had had someone say hey, we tell the truth, we make ourselves ready for the day and what the world will throw at us by taking God with us through out our days, I might have not been so offended or freaked out as a youngster. They are 11. At eleven I was worried about whether or not my brother was going to get the remote on Saturday mornings when we watched cartoons. When I was eleven I was excited about being chosen as a patrol. When I was eleven, I thought my strings teacher was stupid. When I was eleven there was a lunar eclipse that we got to go out and see during our library period and all the teachers were afraid that we would look at the sun and burn out our eyes. When I was eleven I was sad that this was the last weekend the pool would be open and it meant that School was really back in session. When I was eleven, I wasn't gearing up to fight the devil. The Devil? I mean come on...that is a really big deal. I mean God is a hard enough concept to grasp, but His arch enemy? And He wants me to be ready to fight against something playing at God's level when I am eleven? I just want to run the Labor Day race with my Dad, my brother and Uncle Carter and his girls.

I hope I can teach this lesson tomorrow. It overwhelms me.

It's happening. It's all happening.

I am getting a callous on my finger from so much writing. I write my book notes. I write my class notes. I write my flash cards. I write the minutes for team meetings. I used to get knots in my hands from using a mouse or typing, but the thing about college is that while everything is different, nothing is different. The kids have laptops, cell phones in class, ipods, coach hand bags...can you imagine giving a $500 bag to an eighteen year old? I don't even feel responsible enough and I am much more than eighteen. But no one uses the lap tops in class. They all use pens and notebooks. I figured it would be like Elle at Harvard. Nope, pens, paper, notebooks and text messaging under the desk. The new way to pass notes to the friend--who happens to be across campus.

GT plays at 3:30 on Saturday. In the spirit of nothing changing, I am inviting friends over to watch the game and am going to grill out. No beer though. Beer will be the thing that changes. NotreDame. There was a cool go-get-em article about Tech offense today. It made me more excited about having satellite.

I have my first day off from school on Monday: Labor Day. Whew. That means that I can get way ahead. That will be different. I will actually remember the semester. That will be WAY different.

Don't make any major changes in the first year, but change your whole life. Yep, I have done this before.

I am sick. I have been in denial about my sickness now for about four days. Today I finally fessed up and went to Wally World to buy some sickness fighting medicine. I kept trying to believe that I was allergic, but yesterday really aweful things started to kick in like muscle exhaustion, headache and that ickiness, you know the one that comes with a cold. Now my brother will read this and think he is sick too, but for me, I have to be ssssssssiiiiiiicccckk before I am actually sick. There is a theory that what we demonstrate we are. I put a lot of faith in this theory. So thusly, I am never sick because I demonstrate health. But lately, that has been the farthest thing from my mind. I have been studying and eating healthy and studying. I forgot to stay healthy. It might be because of stress as they say: stress weakens the immune system: thusly, I am sick. I have been stressed. It is hard to eat two and a half cups of vegetables a day when I have been a kid who refuses to eat vegetables. It is hard to be a student who is sober who has been drunk all my academic career. It is hard to practice grown up behaviors when I have only been a grown up for a few years. I sometimes wish I had more experience at it, but I am doing my best with what I have: thus, I am sick. Luckily, the sick fighting medicine is powerful stuff and I am able to function very well on them. I am still very tired, but hopefully my cold will only last for seven to ten days like they say, which means I have three to six days left.

Ugh...I thought Carter was supposed to be the one who gets sick. Ugh... I am sick.

Ainsley Hayes is still my favorite character next to Leo on the West Wing. Mmm...well Josh, or maybe Donna. No, Ainsley Hayes. She was only on for a little while and was totally irreplaceable. She is smart and savvy with debate. She is firm in her convictions and unapologetically quirky. She is educated, elegant and eloquent. And to boot, she is southern. Her ability to endear herself despite her late introduction to the ensemble was done so convincingly that she is immediately commented on when she is not in an episode. I want to be just like her when I grow up. Long blonde hair, educated, autonomous, respected by her peers and grateful of her blessings. Mee tooo.....

I was able to convey myself clearly & concisely in class today without sounding arrogant or abusive. That is not something that I do well, but considering that I haven't spoken to anyone on campus until today, I had the ability to organize my thought process and speak with thinking as opposed to the other option, which I tend towards. Thank goodness someone finally spoke to me. I was begining to believe I had lost my touch. But this young man who was awkward and thin, but had a very obvious awareness of himself, asked me if this is where accounting was and struck up a conversation with me. Turns out he is in one of my econ classes too. Then out of nowhere a young girl joined the conversation. She like me so much, she came into the class and sat right next to me. I was so glad she did, I offered her a stick of gum. Then because this young guy and girl were talking to me another guy started talking to me too...It was like a full fledge social circle. I was so grateful! I was begining to think no one would ever talk to me. Thank you God. I needed an affirmation. TO BOOT, this guy in my english class came in and said he'd been following me around for the past two days. I was surprised. I sit at the front of the class so I don't ever see anyone behind me. He is all of my classes except one. HA. Turns out he is a really cool old person like me. He is 29 and loves a woman in Korea which is why he is so late getting his degree. Isn't that cool? I got to talk to people today. I hope that happens tomorrow too.

I am so tired from being excited about school. Not that I am tired of school. I am not tired of being excited. The excitement is wearing me out. I am physically tired. Yeah, so early to bed for me.

It feels like highschool. Or maybe that is the only thing I have to relate to because that was the last time there were boys in class with me. It is strange to see them in the classroom. It has been so long. Although, the classes are packed with people. That is strange too. At ASC the "big" courses were 20 people. Both of my econ courses have 40-45 people. The army is something strange too. There is an unfamiliarity with fatigues that is terrifying. Then there is the turnover from one class to the other that reminds me of the bells ringing at Avondale High. They would ring and everyone would shift. The same is true here but there are no bells. The same cliques exist: black, hippies, slackers (which sometimes blends into the hippies), military, greek, drama/musicians (they are so easy to spot), the geeks, the beauty queens, the jocks. There is one guy who has walked around all day with goofy/hip shorts on and a golf club: gee wonder what sport he plays! It is so like highschool. And in good fashion, on the first day of school, we have done almost nothing.

I am taking two econ courses that one of the profs owned up that they are almost the exact same course. The prof are the only people that have introduced themselves to me all day. I thought maybe I was supposed to intoduce myself, so I joined a conversation behind me before the second class started and was politely rebuffed. They all have their friends already and I'm so much older than everyone else. The guys all hold the doors open all the time and I say thank you (something else I am not used to, outside of my husband opening doors) and they say "yes ma'am." If my professors call me ma'am, I'll just die. I have a feeling this will be a lonely trek. Maybe not.

I am taking two econ courses that one of the profs admitted that both courses were almost exactly the same. The first prof (an obvious NGA prof)was jovial and prepared for it being the first day. He didn't talk about anything and assumed that no one had read the book. The other one is a uga professor and teaches so abstractly, that I was the only one who took notes. He talked about the entire first chapter, but I guess I was the only one who had read it already and could pick up on the concepts he was tossing around the room. There were a lot of people who were totally in the dark. Did I mention that it was like highschool? Except the grading is drastic. The text is simplistic. The exams are multiple choice...I hope I can remember how to take one of those. They were outlawed at ASC: all blue books. There are quizzes and extra credit in the NGA prof and no extra anything in the UGA prof's class. UGA doesn't even care if you come to class. Uga also doesn't care if you pass or not. NGA prof actually wanted to know your name. Thank goodness the UGA prof is in the middle of the day b/c otherwise, I'd fall asleep.

Then there's the army. There is nothing about them that is normal. Every young cadet is in the sand motif fatigues. When I go to get a bit of something from the student center, they are yelling on the drill field. They are polite. They are concise. They are respectful. They do not hug girls like the commuter boys do. They might sit with a girl, but no touching. I keep waiting to see weapons. But there are none. There are just hats and badges. They salute each other in passing which just about made me stumble as I was gawking while walking.

Different life I am living today than I was living when I on Monday. Different life.

I am a fully registered, book bought student. AND I still have some cash left over. Who would guess? I have been studying for about an hour now and did you know that economics is the science of scarcity and how the individual and society deals with that scarcity? Yeah, I am not even through the first chapter. I feel like I should get a head start seeing as I have two, not one, but two econ courses back to back tomorrow.

Registration was crazy. There were no lines, everything was done online. Advisement was everywhere in the computer lab. There were only about 30 of us who didn't pre-register for Business. Registration is broken down by departments now. I was expecting to run to a professor here there and yonder to get things signed off * then go register at an open hall somewhere with the registrar's office. But nope. It was all in a computer lab: registration & professors all together. I had one professor recommended me one way and another one say, well, I wouldn't do that. So it is a 50-50 shot as to whether it was the right decision on my courses.

I was the first person at the advisement/registration seminar this morning. I received kudos from one prof and my husband reminded me that I wouldn't have made it had it not been for him...did I mention that he makes me coffee everymorning? Yes, I would have made without him, but he does provide great incentive to get up and go in the morning. It is a much better incentive than say, a hangover. I also had one prof who laughed at me the whole time because she would say: this has changed, but you don't care you have a degree; well you need this, but you don't care, you have a degree; can you take this?of course you can, you have a degree. Then another prof would say: "Weren't you the first person here this morning? You need more attention." But the reality is that I was also the first registered out of the dept. I was done by 8:49 am. But I really confused them by showing back up later on around ten. I needed a printer to print out my parking info, so I went where I knew one was. The guy who came in second this morning was still way out in left field when I left to go buy my parking pass which was the last thing for the day. He handed out kudos for being so efficient.

Okay-I think we got that cleared up-nothing effects me (including financial aid) because...I have a degree. I did get a copy of my ASC transcript-uh, yeah that was embarrassing. I can't remember some of the courses I took. I thought I only had one D, in Calculus, but not so much. No wonder my Dad was crying at graduation. It was AMAZING that I graduated. You can really tell which semesters I drank heavily. It is pathetic. But...that doesn't effect me, because I have a degree. My new GPA is 0-0 until I take a test. Clean slate. Nice.

I am studying for Economics. Who would think? I am taking Econ2105 & 06, Acct 2101, Eng 2238 & Mgmt 3361. It sounds really heavy, but mostly just the books are. I paid $600 in books. Thank goodness I had a book voucher for them. I still forked out some of my own money, but nothing too bad. There is only one book for Econ so I saved a penny or two on that one. I only have two books that are used. Hopefully they will all sell back. That would be way cool.

Gosh, I love being a student. It is so invigorating. Back to studying.

Today I did something I have never done before: played hookey. I have always felt obligated as well instill by the rents, to go to work or school or follow through with plans if they are made. This is something I learned a long time ago. We are not lazy. We do not just not go to work. That isn't how it works. But I know that people do it all the time. Seniors play hookey on one specific day to go to Six Flags or folks lay out of work to go to the pool as a "day off". Outside of real holidays or planned vacations, it seems that I have never had the ability to just not go to work. So today I did. I went to work, tied up the loose ends (it IS my last day) and zipped off to the lake. I met up with Sherry and we took off to lay out and talk and catch up to do nothing. It was wonderful. I thought I would feel harried that I didn't go back once we were done catching rays, but nope. I am full of excitement of my next new venture. I am going to school tomorrow. Hurray. I am tickled pink. I drove home from the lake thinking, whew. I get to do something that is all for me. I get to improve my being and not ever take a lousy job again. From here on out I can just be me. I will actually have another degree when I am done: BBA, bachelors in business administration with a concentration in accounting. I will have a trade. Thank goodness. No more hunting or pecking to find out what I can or can't do. I have direction. I have purpose. Wow, that is fulfilling.

It doesn't come by the bullwhip,
It's not persuaded with your hands on your hips and its
Not the company of gunslingers
The epicenter love is the pendulem swinger
She is, She is.....

There is nothing about me that isn't about a pendulum swinging. I do not change by pain. I do not move by discipline. I do not change on penalty of death. I change because that is what I do. I do seek God. I do seek that balance, that serenity that comes with faith. I am not mixed up inside. Yet I am getting ready to change again.

I started on this journey a long time ago. Initially it was as a result of finding out that my degree qualifies me to have a degree and not much more. I was crushed to find out that while I was definitely a student, I was not the best student. Of course I was a drunk student and didn't know it. I still wanted to go on and get more schooling. It was a desire even when I was still drinking. I used to tell people that I was going to go to Ga State to get a masters in abnormal psych or forensics so that I could one day work for an investigation unit of some kind. Unfortunately, I was paralyzed by my drinking and not even able to get out of bed in the morning to even begin to gather information on the idea not to mention do anything other than drink enough to stop the nausea and shakes. Then I stopped drinking and found out that my perception of myself was...warped. I am capable, if I am sober. So now I am sober and I wanted to go back to school.

Being a good pendulum that I am, I looked into law; into nursing; into teaching. Nothing fit. Nothing seemed like something I might be capable of-even without the drink. My desire manifested into my application under the premise of nursing. Seemed reasonable enough and the state is paying folks to get their rns. My life swung right out of that one. Money, property and prestige diverted me from my purpose aka a good looking job. So here I am swinging back into school. This time without any of the aboves as an attempted school ambition. This time I enter with the hopes of accounting. I don't know if it is the right thing. I do know that I am supposed to be there. I am able to be a student. This time I will be a sober student. Hopefully that means I will be an A student instead of a C+ student. There is a definite chance as long as I don't take a drink.

Three more days and I will change. I will go from working girl to student. Pendulum swinging.

There is something to waiting. It can be very painful if there are high expectations. At that point the waiting changes to anticipation. I am slowly but surely waiting on classes at NGSCU. The registration is onTuesday and the classes start on Wednesday. Each day there is something to do. All of it is the action of waiting. First there was the immunization. There was seven days of waiting in that. Then there was the student loans. There was two days in waiting. Then the computer. That was a long waiting because it was double. There was the waiting on the delivery and the waiting on the school. It was hard. My husband even participated in waiting for the computer for two days. It didn't arrive on time so the waiting was even harder. Luckily the matching wireless mouse came a day early and arrived with the computer which eliminated a day of waiting. Then there is the deposit check for enrollment that will be returned after ten days of classes with no drops. Whoa, that means I have to wait into the school year. That means that part of my waiting will actually be taking classes. But it is necessary as a connecting puzzle piece. So that makes it a transitory waiting. Along with everything else, I wait until my job is done. My last day is the day of registration. So waiting for school is also waiting to quit. How coincidental that waiting would be overlapped so well. And here all this time I thought waiting was about service to a table and it's really just about life.

Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot

Farm life is hot. There is no ac at the farm which means that when it is hot, it is hot. There are fans and they really are uninteresting once the heat reaches a certain level. Although, now I understand what the Sistas felt in the Divine secrets as they lay in their hammocks on their front porches and smelled of sweat and powder. What's worse is that there is no ac at work either. They sent people out to fix it and nothing happened. They will have to cut in a new duct and they don't want to so they never showed back up.

The cows all hide underneath one tree next to the fence line when it is hot like this. They also go down to the creek and just stay there. That is the two places they cling to when it gets like this. It is amazing. My dogs live in the creek. I have decided they need gils. They come up to the house when I come home and are soaking wet with mud and strange things attached to them from the river. The horse doesn't seem to notice. Although he is grey with sweat which is different because normally he is white. Then there is the donkey and he just hides in the cows.

Did you know that I started talking at 4 months? Learned that last night from my Mom. She was looking through the old baby book and found that my first word was DADADADADADA at four months. That's awesome. I have never heard of a person talking at 4 months. I said bye-bye at 71/2 months. That's awesome.

Its hot, hot, hot.

Today was a testing day. It was the second day in a row I tried to get my immunization records in order to register for school. People are telling me no over and over and over. It is wearisome to not lose my temper, yell at someone, cry. I am not sure why it is so difficult to prove that I have been immunized, but it is. How do they do this in a courtroom? Prove, prove, prove...

There is a tool that I have learned how to use a long time ago. I only use it in times of complancency or aggrivation. Typically, I am in action of gratitude. As a result I don't have to drink anymore. But sometimes when I lose that gratitude, I have to actually act it out: a list. I write a list of things that I am grateful for in order to alleviate frustration and thoughts of hopelessness.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

a mini-marathon of Law & Order on TNT
the Braves gaining a whole game on the penant race
not having any embarrassing film on me from Woodstock
reading all seven Harry Potters
having a goal to which I can work towards: CPA
watching the shuttle go up on tv with my husband
that Sherry's home from vacation
being able to read
having a foundation in a faith that is comforting, overwhelming, and miraculous
mighty mikey
coffee my husband brings me every morning
black snakes not in my house
my family
my new computer that will be here on the 15th
credit to buy the computer
my bills being paid
student loans
new indigo girls cd bought with bday gc


Not really all that frustrated any more. What are you grateful for?

We thank then the O Father, for all things bright and good,
The seedtime and the harvest, our life, our health, our food,
No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts,
But thou which thou desirest, our humble thankful hearts!

All Good Gifts around us,
Are sent from Heaven above,
Then thank the Lord, Oh Thank the Lord,
For all his Love...

Our readings for our service today were from Hosea 11:1-11; Psalm 107:1-9,43; Colossians 3:1-11 and Luke 12:13-21. Our associate priest gave the sermon and he is also a chaplain at a local college. He took the perspective that these lessons were about wealth. And I guess to some respect they are. He spoke specifically on Luke. He started out with sibilings will be sibilings and how wealth could seperate a family faster than anything. He said that wealth gives the human perception that there is security, prestige and self: who you are. He said that Christ was looking at it as what you can give. He did mention that poverty was not a virtue nor was wealth a sin. He also mentioned that 16 of the 38 parables that Christ taught were on possessions. He closed with a story of a woman in Mississippi who had nothing all her life giving $150K to a college for black children to have scholarships. I found his message noble and seeing as the church is in the habit of raising money, slightly bias. I also felt like he missed the point.

I thought the first lesson was on God calling his rebellious children of Israel, who were committing idolotry to Baals, to him without using force, but rather mercy. The second lesson, a psalm and gradual, was a psalm of thanks for that mercy. The third, the epistle of Paul, was a teaching of what children of God should do: seek things that are above, where Christ is...set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth...put to death therefore, whatever in you is earthly:...greed (which is idolotry). The fourth and gospel is Christ, again God talking to his people through a human manifestation saying: so it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God. The line on these passages was that God wants us to have a relationship with Him. Do what He asks. Come when we are called. Do not fear. He is not going to punish us for our poor behavior rather teach us what is good and right. Then we are to do these things. Christ tells us (which is one of the things we say at every service): Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Why is that such a scary thing for us to do? Why is it that we believe that if we do as we are told as children of God that we will be punished? Or maybe we fear for selfish reasons: not getting what we want or losing what we have. Why is it that we want for worldly things? BECAUSE. Because we are not God. We only have a piece of God when we believe and listen to that still, small voice.

Do Not Fear. Why do we fear? Because we are human. God will not punish us because we are human. He created us. He made us flawed. He will forgive us. All we have to do is ... is... ask. All we have to do is ask. He tells us to have faith. So if we ask, he will give us faith. And we never have to fear again. Look towards Godly things not worldly things. Seek and do God's will. He is telling us to join Him. We are to seek and do God's will.

The passage is not about wealth and gifts, it is about recognizing that wealth doesn't matter at all. It is worldly and we are to look for the non-worldly. We are to do things that are what our Father asks of us. We are to practice with all essence of the word in all aspects of our being: humility.

Maybe I should write my associate pastor a letter... or maybe his goal was to raise church funds for the whatever goal they are into achieving these days. I don't pay attention to church finances. There is a guy in our church who is the president of a bank that does that. I just tithe. That is my part.

How did he miss that? We are to seek & do God's will.